We have a perfectly suitable television that sits above our fireplace. It's proportionally appropriate and serves the viewing needs of our family well. Every few months I battle the staggering desire to buy the beast, the behemoth screen that will overwhelm my senses and offer life-size action. We don't need it, but everything around me and inside of me screams that a bigger TV could, in some way, make my life better. However, if I were to impulse buy, we would be making a purchase we couldn't afford and likely sacrificing something that would serve our family better (although it's difficult to imagine what that could be).
We are a nation that loves the big. The bigger the better. 'Go big or go home' is a famous mantra. Reality TV is riddled with 'can-you-eat-this-much' challenges. On July 4, I watched the Coney Island Hot Day Eating Contest with my children. It was difficult for me to explain to them why the contest was unhealthy and wasteful, yet throngs of people cheered them on (and I was mesmerized). The sponsoring company of the contest did donate a truck load of food to the local food bank, so there was some altruism to counterbalance the waste.
A recent study noted average home sizes around the world for newly constructed units since 2003. Ireland, Spain, and France came in around 1,000 square feet. The United States led the way with an average home size of 2,300 square feet. In spite of the greatest wave of bank defaults and house foreclosures in history, we continue to build the largest homes in the world.
Alongside our big homes, we like big cars. To the end of protecting the environment, the small-car craze is sweeping Asia and Europe. A leading anthropologist says that the United States' love for the big, gas-guzzling SUV will prevent us from following suit. According to the article, the big vehicle speaks to our identify as a person offering a sense of power and control that is deeply ingrained in our psyche. The vehicle buying decision is not always driven by affordability or transportation needs, but rather what we believe the vehicle says about us. The alluring big offers perceived power without regard to practicality.
It's well noted that Americans love to super size our food as well. A new study concludes that the obesity epidemic in American is largely driven by over-consumption. The researcher states that to return to the average weights of the 1970s, we'd need to reduce our daily caloric intake by about 350 calories per day for children (one can of soda) and 500 calories for adults (one hamburger). The study recognizes the significance of physical activity and other variables, but argues that public policy should be shifted toward encouraging people to eat less, to stop going big.
In addition to our big homes, big cars, and big meals, we are trending toward capacity-busting schedules as well. In most communities, an all-you-can-fit-into-your-schedule buffet of activity options exist for children. Many are great opportunities for youth development. And my generation is full of parents wanting to be everything to everyone, including our children. Again, bigger isn't always better. The potential negative effects of over-scheduled kids has been documented and debated. Recently, the potential negative effects of over-scheduled kids on parents has been exposed as well. Parents, trying to give their children experience-rich environments, are in danger of adding time, financial, and expectation stress to their own lives. And children are mirroring their parents stress. Relationally-rich environments may be the better alternative.
The YMCA of the USA states that healthy homes are built on 5 pillars. They include eating healthy, playing everyday, getting together (particularly one-on-one time), going outside, and sleeping well. It's notable that each of these pillars can be built at low or no cost, include a relational component, and have nothing to do with going bigger or extreme.
My pastor friend says that our country has this insatiable appetite for more. It's a gnawing deep within us that hungers for the big. Ironically, our habits of over-indulgence do little to fill this desire. This soul-deep clamoring for more is met in the simple, the antithesis of big.
A thankful heart is one antidote to our addiction to big. Ann Voskamp says, "... real men let go of self-sufficiency and know it's all pure grace and pull it straight out into lifestyle, wholesale thanksgiving."
A peaceful center pushes back the pursuit of the big. A pastor's wife, recently reminded me of this. "Rest," she posted on Facebook, "doesn't mean an absence of activity! It is understanding the Peace comes from the inside out -- fixing our eyes on God and leaning into [Him]"
Simplicity casts off the weight of the big as well. In Walden, Thoreau speaks to this. "It is desirable that a man live in all respects so simply and preparedly that if an enemy take the town.... he can walk out the gate empty-handed and without anxiety." Leo Barbauta concurs. "Each day is a journey, and we load ourselves up with material possessions, with tasks and projects, with things to read and write, with meetings and calls and texts. [The big]. Our hands are full, not ready for anything new. Drop everything... enter each day empty-handed, and full-hearted."
I'll continue to battle the urge to buy the bigger TV. And, on a good day, I'll work to say no to the advertisers and yes to the blessings all around, each so extravagantly simple.
Showing posts with label the Y. Show all posts
Showing posts with label the Y. Show all posts
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Monday, April 30, 2012
Life Lessons From My Kids
I'm a seasonal reader. I go through spurts of devouring books and then I put them down for a bit. Even if it's a terrible read, I force myself to finish a book that I start. This makes little sense outside of my own discipline. I can't force myself to move to an electronic reader, I appreciate hard copy books. I am currently reading books on Dietrich Bonhoeffer and John Wooden. In my youth, I used to read fiction. Now, I'm almost exclusively a reader of non-fiction books - mostly those on faith, life, and business or the interweaving of the three. I read these books, make notes, and discuss with others. Some have made an impact on my daily life. However, I'm often reminded that some of the greatest life lessons can be learned from children. Luckily, I have two boys to teach me great things. Recently, I've been enlightened to three principles integral to living life well, each taught to me by children.
On a recent spring afternoon, my two boys and I were walking through the parking lot, heading to the store. Brady, our four-year-old, stopped and said that he needed to go back to the car to get something. We circled back and opened the car. Brady crawled into the vehicle and came out wearing his bright orange construction goggles. He climbed out of the car and started again toward the store.
Me: "Why did you get those, Brady?"
Brady: "I wanted to wear them into the store."
Older Brother: "I don't think that you want to wear them in there, Brady, people will see you."
Brady: "I don't care, I like them."
We need to care much less about what people think of us and, instead, live life full, happy. If you're inclined to wear bright orange construction goggles into the store, then wear them proudly. Kirk Franklin said, "You want to be great? Stop trying to be liked."
If you haven't seen the You Tube video of Caine's Arcade yet, take ten minutes and watch it. This young man built an elaborate cardboard arcade in his father's used auto parts garage. I won't spoil the story, but in short, Caine never gets discouraged and builds his dream with a smile no matter the circumstance. Author Seth Godin commented, "The goal wasn't to be accepted, that goal was to do it right."
Our oldest son, Carson, frequently reminds us of the profound idea of deep trust highlighted in Psalm 56:3. The Psalmist writes, "When I am afraid, I will trust in You." Carson drew a word picture of this verse that hung on our refrigerator for some time. I took a photo of his picture that I keep on my phone as a daily reminder. Carson uses this verse to sustain him through anxious times and encourages his mother and me when our days spiral chaotic. As adults, we muddy up the middle too often seeking complex solutions to stress mitigation. Carson's childlike faith calls us to stop, clear our minds, and know that our fears, anxieties, and worries are best alleviated when our trust is rooted in something bigger than ourselves. The Biblical narrative repeatedly calls us to "fear not" and, in turn, "trust." Most self-help books often end up in a similar place: step out of ourselves, hold onto something deeper, and trust. The Psalmist knew the shelter to life's storms isn't built by our own hands, but in trusting the Hands that hold us all. Carson knows this too.
Many times we pass through our days without stopping to appreciate the showers of blessings and gifts that are all around us. Last week, Brady missed a day of pre-school with a headache and a slight fever. He slept most of the day. The next morning, the pitter patter of little feet on wooden steps woke us. As Brady came down the stairs, he called for us. "Mom, Dad..." he said. "You know that head hurt that I had yesterday, it's almost gone!" The fact that he was feeling just a bit better had him wildly excited about the opportunities to play that he would now be able to embrace. He was marveled and amazed about the healing process of our bodies. He was thankful. Lisa Bergren writes, "Every morning when we wake, we choose to encounter the day as something to be survived or something to be welcomed. On this day I choose joy (laughter)." Brady could have opened his eyes to the day frustrated that remnants of a headache remained. Instead, he chose cart- wheeling joy that the headache was almost gone.
There are many lessons to be learned from children, if only we have eyes to see them. Live life full and happy, giving much less regard to what others think. Replace fear with trust, understanding these life stories are best written when they're about something bigger than us. And, be joyfully thankful, choosing an attitude of hope each day. These are meaningful lessons I've learned from my children. May they be undercurrents in your lives, lived well.
On a recent spring afternoon, my two boys and I were walking through the parking lot, heading to the store. Brady, our four-year-old, stopped and said that he needed to go back to the car to get something. We circled back and opened the car. Brady crawled into the vehicle and came out wearing his bright orange construction goggles. He climbed out of the car and started again toward the store.
Me: "Why did you get those, Brady?"
Brady: "I wanted to wear them into the store."
Older Brother: "I don't think that you want to wear them in there, Brady, people will see you."
Brady: "I don't care, I like them."
We need to care much less about what people think of us and, instead, live life full, happy. If you're inclined to wear bright orange construction goggles into the store, then wear them proudly. Kirk Franklin said, "You want to be great? Stop trying to be liked."
If you haven't seen the You Tube video of Caine's Arcade yet, take ten minutes and watch it. This young man built an elaborate cardboard arcade in his father's used auto parts garage. I won't spoil the story, but in short, Caine never gets discouraged and builds his dream with a smile no matter the circumstance. Author Seth Godin commented, "The goal wasn't to be accepted, that goal was to do it right."
Our oldest son, Carson, frequently reminds us of the profound idea of deep trust highlighted in Psalm 56:3. The Psalmist writes, "When I am afraid, I will trust in You." Carson drew a word picture of this verse that hung on our refrigerator for some time. I took a photo of his picture that I keep on my phone as a daily reminder. Carson uses this verse to sustain him through anxious times and encourages his mother and me when our days spiral chaotic. As adults, we muddy up the middle too often seeking complex solutions to stress mitigation. Carson's childlike faith calls us to stop, clear our minds, and know that our fears, anxieties, and worries are best alleviated when our trust is rooted in something bigger than ourselves. The Biblical narrative repeatedly calls us to "fear not" and, in turn, "trust." Most self-help books often end up in a similar place: step out of ourselves, hold onto something deeper, and trust. The Psalmist knew the shelter to life's storms isn't built by our own hands, but in trusting the Hands that hold us all. Carson knows this too.
Many times we pass through our days without stopping to appreciate the showers of blessings and gifts that are all around us. Last week, Brady missed a day of pre-school with a headache and a slight fever. He slept most of the day. The next morning, the pitter patter of little feet on wooden steps woke us. As Brady came down the stairs, he called for us. "Mom, Dad..." he said. "You know that head hurt that I had yesterday, it's almost gone!" The fact that he was feeling just a bit better had him wildly excited about the opportunities to play that he would now be able to embrace. He was marveled and amazed about the healing process of our bodies. He was thankful. Lisa Bergren writes, "Every morning when we wake, we choose to encounter the day as something to be survived or something to be welcomed. On this day I choose joy (laughter)." Brady could have opened his eyes to the day frustrated that remnants of a headache remained. Instead, he chose cart- wheeling joy that the headache was almost gone.
There are many lessons to be learned from children, if only we have eyes to see them. Live life full and happy, giving much less regard to what others think. Replace fear with trust, understanding these life stories are best written when they're about something bigger than us. And, be joyfully thankful, choosing an attitude of hope each day. These are meaningful lessons I've learned from my children. May they be undercurrents in your lives, lived well.
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Mentoring Matters.
In high school I had an English course with a mild-mannered teacher. At the beginning of class we had a brief, five-question quiz to ensure that we were keeping up with assigned reading. Being the first week of school, my friends and I were much more concerned about positioning ourselves in the appropriate social structures of high school than diving into classic literature. In turn, the answers I listed on the quiz read something like this, Q: What main character were we introduced to in the opening chapters of The Scarlet Letter? A: Dr. Suess. After reviewing the quizzes at his desk, the teacher softly asked me and a few others to step outside. In a matter-of-fact and forcefully clear tone, he said that he did not intend to waste any more of our time or his, so he directed us to go to the Guidance Office and sign up for another English course, one in which we could coast through without the expectations he would demand. I pleaded to stay in his course and, thankfully, he obliged with the qualification that there would be no tolerance for a cavalier approach to his course. In addition to teaching me English, he taught me a much-needed lesson about expectation, accountability, and the experience of learning.
According to the YMCA of the USA, one out of every three children in the U.S. lives without his or her biological father. [Consequently,]… studies show that kids who grow up without a father in the home, on average, may face greater struggles and may be more likely to live in poverty or be incarcerated (Nock and Einolf 2008).
I have a friend leading a large ministry. Years ago, as someone just stepping into career opportunities, I requested a meeting with this ministry leader, hoping to draw from his experience and wisdom. Over the course of the next 7 years, he has met with me every single time that I've asked him to and an important friendship has developed. In spite of the many demands from his work and life, he has made time to invest in my life and I'm a better person because of his investment.
Youth from fatherless homes account for: 63 percent of youth suicides, 71 percent of pregnant teenagers, 90 percent of all homeless and runaway children, 70 percent of juveniles in state-operated institutions, 85 percent of all youths sitting in prison, 85 percent of all youth who exhibit behavior disorders, 80 percent of rapists motivated with displaced anger, 71 percent of high school dropouts, and 75 percent of all adolescents in chemical abuse centers. (“The Future: Set Adrift on a Sea of Fatherless Children,” Idaho Observer, July 2003. As quoted in: Sowers, John. “Fatherless Generation: Redeeming the Story.” (Zondervan, 2010).
Steve, a Youth Outreach and Day Camp Director at the Y, recently held an informational meeting to recruit volunteers for a new youth program. I was intrigued as half of those attending were former campers or counselors of Steve's programs. As I asked them why they were volunteering, they said that Steve had invested in their lives in significant ways and that they just wanted to give something back to him.
Whether done formally or informally, mentoring is an opportunity to change history, to re-write the story of a generation. Mentors will be the quiet heroes of this movement. Studies have shown that one-to-one mentoring, done over time, transforms the lives of both the mentor and mentee. Mentors matter. (The Mentoring Project Field Manual, www.thementoringproject.org).
I recently talked with a Y staff person who told me that she was excited to finally have the opportunity to work at Camp Thompson as a resident camp counselor. In the past, she has volunteered her time to serve in counselor leadership training programs in preparation for her full-time role. I asked her why she had given so much volunteer time to prepare for a seasonal position. She said that she had attended Y camps ever since she was 7 and as a new camper, the Youth and Camp Thompson Director, Justin, had bought her a slushy when she was having a bad day. "That was really nice," she said, "and it made me stay." Now, she wants to return that favor of kindness to someone new.
The impact of investing in the life of another often isn't quantifiable, yet it's significant. If you are mentoring another person and you are faithfully loving, modeling, and coaching your impact might not be immediately measurable; however, you are making a profound difference(The Mentoring Project Field Manual, www.thementoringproject.org).
When I was in college, my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. I wasn't sure if she'd survive and I was too scared to go home and visit. Instead, I went to a Campus Crusade for Christ meeting. We played basketball and at the end, I shared my request for prayer. The leader said that he'd give me a ride back to my apartment. I don't know his name, but I know that he cared about my situation and I know that he prayed for my mom, who is still living today.
Historically, mentoring has been a primary form of education. In the article, "Change of Course" (World Magazine, April 21, 2012), Andree` Seu writes, "Before seminaries had endowments, a young man would attach himself to a country pastor, read the man's books, and follow him on his parish visiting circuit. It was not considered a substandard education, but real discipling of the younger in faith by one older."
I was lucky enough to have a father who was invested in my life. He taught me life lessons of commitment, perseverance, discipline, and faith. I've been amazingly blessed to have countless others invest in my life who have given me the opportunity to reflect and redirect. They've taught me that it doesn't matter how far you fall, but that you get back up again. Andree` Seu says, "It is not how many miles you've traveled since you turned your ship around. It's that you're headed in the right direction and you know where home is."
Those without a father in their lives face a great challenge. They need others to come alongside to help orient the ship. They need navigational support. You can do this. We can help others rewrite their stories. Formally, you can contact the Y (www.carlislefamilyymca.org), Big Brothers Big Sisters (www.capbigs.org), or your local church to find out how you might support a youth in need. Informally, you simply need to look around. Divine opportunities surround us daily to invest in the lives of others. As you look for them, you'll soon see them in abundance. Seize these moments. They matter.
According to the YMCA of the USA, one out of every three children in the U.S. lives without his or her biological father. [Consequently,]… studies show that kids who grow up without a father in the home, on average, may face greater struggles and may be more likely to live in poverty or be incarcerated (Nock and Einolf 2008).
I have a friend leading a large ministry. Years ago, as someone just stepping into career opportunities, I requested a meeting with this ministry leader, hoping to draw from his experience and wisdom. Over the course of the next 7 years, he has met with me every single time that I've asked him to and an important friendship has developed. In spite of the many demands from his work and life, he has made time to invest in my life and I'm a better person because of his investment.
Youth from fatherless homes account for: 63 percent of youth suicides, 71 percent of pregnant teenagers, 90 percent of all homeless and runaway children, 70 percent of juveniles in state-operated institutions, 85 percent of all youths sitting in prison, 85 percent of all youth who exhibit behavior disorders, 80 percent of rapists motivated with displaced anger, 71 percent of high school dropouts, and 75 percent of all adolescents in chemical abuse centers. (“The Future: Set Adrift on a Sea of Fatherless Children,” Idaho Observer, July 2003. As quoted in: Sowers, John. “Fatherless Generation: Redeeming the Story.” (Zondervan, 2010).
Steve, a Youth Outreach and Day Camp Director at the Y, recently held an informational meeting to recruit volunteers for a new youth program. I was intrigued as half of those attending were former campers or counselors of Steve's programs. As I asked them why they were volunteering, they said that Steve had invested in their lives in significant ways and that they just wanted to give something back to him.
Whether done formally or informally, mentoring is an opportunity to change history, to re-write the story of a generation. Mentors will be the quiet heroes of this movement. Studies have shown that one-to-one mentoring, done over time, transforms the lives of both the mentor and mentee. Mentors matter. (The Mentoring Project Field Manual, www.thementoringproject.org).
I recently talked with a Y staff person who told me that she was excited to finally have the opportunity to work at Camp Thompson as a resident camp counselor. In the past, she has volunteered her time to serve in counselor leadership training programs in preparation for her full-time role. I asked her why she had given so much volunteer time to prepare for a seasonal position. She said that she had attended Y camps ever since she was 7 and as a new camper, the Youth and Camp Thompson Director, Justin, had bought her a slushy when she was having a bad day. "That was really nice," she said, "and it made me stay." Now, she wants to return that favor of kindness to someone new.
The impact of investing in the life of another often isn't quantifiable, yet it's significant. If you are mentoring another person and you are faithfully loving, modeling, and coaching your impact might not be immediately measurable; however, you are making a profound difference(The Mentoring Project Field Manual, www.thementoringproject.org).
When I was in college, my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. I wasn't sure if she'd survive and I was too scared to go home and visit. Instead, I went to a Campus Crusade for Christ meeting. We played basketball and at the end, I shared my request for prayer. The leader said that he'd give me a ride back to my apartment. I don't know his name, but I know that he cared about my situation and I know that he prayed for my mom, who is still living today.
Historically, mentoring has been a primary form of education. In the article, "Change of Course" (World Magazine, April 21, 2012), Andree` Seu writes, "Before seminaries had endowments, a young man would attach himself to a country pastor, read the man's books, and follow him on his parish visiting circuit. It was not considered a substandard education, but real discipling of the younger in faith by one older."
I was lucky enough to have a father who was invested in my life. He taught me life lessons of commitment, perseverance, discipline, and faith. I've been amazingly blessed to have countless others invest in my life who have given me the opportunity to reflect and redirect. They've taught me that it doesn't matter how far you fall, but that you get back up again. Andree` Seu says, "It is not how many miles you've traveled since you turned your ship around. It's that you're headed in the right direction and you know where home is."
Those without a father in their lives face a great challenge. They need others to come alongside to help orient the ship. They need navigational support. You can do this. We can help others rewrite their stories. Formally, you can contact the Y (www.carlislefamilyymca.org), Big Brothers Big Sisters (www.capbigs.org), or your local church to find out how you might support a youth in need. Informally, you simply need to look around. Divine opportunities surround us daily to invest in the lives of others. As you look for them, you'll soon see them in abundance. Seize these moments. They matter.
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Healthy Fear
It was Thursday, January 12 at 1:00 a.m. I stood in the kitchen holding my wife in my arms, her sobbing breaking the silence of the early morning. "I'm so scared." She said. Her bags were packed and the car was idling outside, both ready for her departure. We were not as ready. She was preparing to go on a mission trip with Awaken Haiti (www.awakenhaiti.com). She had never left our boys for more than 24 hours. She had no idea of what to expect in Haiti. She gets plane-sick. The fear was thick as we said our goodbyes. I was consciously reassuring, but I'm not sure that I masked my own fears. I wasn't worried about being a single parent for a week (I was confident in pizza take out and the durability of wearing jeans many days in a row). I was scared about my lack of control. I couldn't talk or communicate to her during this trip. I wouldn't know that she was ok. I couldn't care for or protect her. We were scared. We stood in the fear for a moment, prayed, and she left.
Fear is a powerful force. It's defined as a "distressing emotion by impending danger... whether the threat is real or imagined..." (dictionary.com). As a society, we don't like to recognize fear. We're conditioned to have a fear of fear. In turn, we make bumper stickers to negate the reality of fear, as some sort of invisible shield to ward of its effect on our Volkswagens. When we fail to recognize it, fear compels us toward addictions, avoidance, and apathy and drives us away from opportunity, trust, and courage. Often, fear is an emotion that we simply pretend isn't there, isn't real, and when we do this, fear is roots itself deeper in our backyards, poisoning the well.
Last week, the USA Today reported a story of an Alaskan couple who were out walking their two golden retrievers when a moose attacked the man, stomping him to the ground, breaking seven of his ribs in the process. When the moose came at her, she ran back to their truck, grabbed a shovel, and "hit it with everything [she] had." (USA Today, January 24, 2012).
Fear can be a healthy emotion. It allows us to sense danger, evaluate risk, and determine a response. Danger is a part of our world and fear is a tool to help us navigate through the choppy waters of risk. Mark Batterson, author of "In A Pit With A Lion On A Snowy Day" says, "The goal of life is not the elimination of fear. The goal is to muster the moral courage to [confront that fear]" (38). In fact, he says that in reflecting on our lives, we're more likely to regret the opportunities that we didn't seize, the ones that we missed sometimes because of fear, than those that we did and regretted. To achieve all that we've been created to be, we must find the courage to face our fears. Batterson says, "One courageous choice may be the only thing between you and your dream becoming a reality" (123).
Our friends, Jeff and Deb Denglinger felt a call to serve the people of Haiti a few years ago. As their role in developing Awaken Haiti began to crystallize, it became apparent to them that they were called to actually move to Haiti. Jeff had a successful construction business and they have three school aged children. The fear of moving to a place of such uncertainty and need was breathtaking. Yet, they sold everything and moved their family to Haiti. They entered the ocean of fear with a triple summersault dive.
Legendary boxing trainer Cus D'Amato said, "Heroes and cowards feel exactly the same fear. Heroes just react to it differently." Our mental health is best served when we identify the fear for what it is - an emotional response. From there, we can determine if the fear is resulting from something real or imagined. In turn, we can call on what's needed in response. It might be unlearning an irrational fear. It might be battling back an imagined fear with reality and truth. Or, it might be calling on something greater within us to not cower from the fear, but to stand against it and walk through it.
My wife went on her trip to Haiti. She was lonely, afraid, and scared in many ways. Yet, walking through that fear to serve others in Haiti offered her a life-changing experience. Most significantly, she observed that many Haitians who live in desolate and deplorable conditions, have an interesting response to their fears - joy. Their joy drowns their fears. My wife is finding new life in this truth only because she stood in her fear and made the trip to Haiti.
Likewise, the Denlingers are living new lives of significance, accessible only because they stepped into their fear of moving to Haiti. In their words, "We've been challenged to take back our faith from the American dream, to live life 'Wide Awake'... to live a life that demands an explanation..." This, an opportunity only available by diving into their fear.
The Alaskan couple escaped the moose attack, as did their dogs. The 85 year old woman who stood 5 feet tall and weighs 97 pounds faced fear and beat it back with a shovel.
Fear can be a violently destructive emotion that destroys lives, squelches opportunities, and numbs us to living life "wide awake." Or, it can be a healthy emotion that is a tool that we use to grow in courage, trust, and experience. Maybe the fear you face today isn't about packing up your family and moving to Haiti. Maybe it's about making healthier choices for your life, or a seizing a new opportunity that seems risky, or ending or starting a new relationship. Whatever the case, don't let fear be a barrier to a better you.
Author and blogger Ann Voskamp says this, "Today is always the best day to end the fears and begin being the best you... The relief is in the release of everything into the hands of God... abandon and abide - all is well."
Fear is a powerful force. It's defined as a "distressing emotion by impending danger... whether the threat is real or imagined..." (dictionary.com). As a society, we don't like to recognize fear. We're conditioned to have a fear of fear. In turn, we make bumper stickers to negate the reality of fear, as some sort of invisible shield to ward of its effect on our Volkswagens. When we fail to recognize it, fear compels us toward addictions, avoidance, and apathy and drives us away from opportunity, trust, and courage. Often, fear is an emotion that we simply pretend isn't there, isn't real, and when we do this, fear is roots itself deeper in our backyards, poisoning the well.
Last week, the USA Today reported a story of an Alaskan couple who were out walking their two golden retrievers when a moose attacked the man, stomping him to the ground, breaking seven of his ribs in the process. When the moose came at her, she ran back to their truck, grabbed a shovel, and "hit it with everything [she] had." (USA Today, January 24, 2012).
Fear can be a healthy emotion. It allows us to sense danger, evaluate risk, and determine a response. Danger is a part of our world and fear is a tool to help us navigate through the choppy waters of risk. Mark Batterson, author of "In A Pit With A Lion On A Snowy Day" says, "The goal of life is not the elimination of fear. The goal is to muster the moral courage to [confront that fear]" (38). In fact, he says that in reflecting on our lives, we're more likely to regret the opportunities that we didn't seize, the ones that we missed sometimes because of fear, than those that we did and regretted. To achieve all that we've been created to be, we must find the courage to face our fears. Batterson says, "One courageous choice may be the only thing between you and your dream becoming a reality" (123).
Our friends, Jeff and Deb Denglinger felt a call to serve the people of Haiti a few years ago. As their role in developing Awaken Haiti began to crystallize, it became apparent to them that they were called to actually move to Haiti. Jeff had a successful construction business and they have three school aged children. The fear of moving to a place of such uncertainty and need was breathtaking. Yet, they sold everything and moved their family to Haiti. They entered the ocean of fear with a triple summersault dive.
Legendary boxing trainer Cus D'Amato said, "Heroes and cowards feel exactly the same fear. Heroes just react to it differently." Our mental health is best served when we identify the fear for what it is - an emotional response. From there, we can determine if the fear is resulting from something real or imagined. In turn, we can call on what's needed in response. It might be unlearning an irrational fear. It might be battling back an imagined fear with reality and truth. Or, it might be calling on something greater within us to not cower from the fear, but to stand against it and walk through it.
My wife went on her trip to Haiti. She was lonely, afraid, and scared in many ways. Yet, walking through that fear to serve others in Haiti offered her a life-changing experience. Most significantly, she observed that many Haitians who live in desolate and deplorable conditions, have an interesting response to their fears - joy. Their joy drowns their fears. My wife is finding new life in this truth only because she stood in her fear and made the trip to Haiti.
Likewise, the Denlingers are living new lives of significance, accessible only because they stepped into their fear of moving to Haiti. In their words, "We've been challenged to take back our faith from the American dream, to live life 'Wide Awake'... to live a life that demands an explanation..." This, an opportunity only available by diving into their fear.
The Alaskan couple escaped the moose attack, as did their dogs. The 85 year old woman who stood 5 feet tall and weighs 97 pounds faced fear and beat it back with a shovel.
Fear can be a violently destructive emotion that destroys lives, squelches opportunities, and numbs us to living life "wide awake." Or, it can be a healthy emotion that is a tool that we use to grow in courage, trust, and experience. Maybe the fear you face today isn't about packing up your family and moving to Haiti. Maybe it's about making healthier choices for your life, or a seizing a new opportunity that seems risky, or ending or starting a new relationship. Whatever the case, don't let fear be a barrier to a better you.
Author and blogger Ann Voskamp says this, "Today is always the best day to end the fears and begin being the best you... The relief is in the release of everything into the hands of God... abandon and abide - all is well."
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Generic Wellness Won't Work
Typically, I'm a cost conscious guy. I'll always consider the mildly labeled product that reads, "Compare to... ABC brand” The generic alternative often offers me a nearly identical product at a lower cost. At the same time, I'm also a bit of a skeptic. I stand in the store aisle and read the label of any particular product, comparing the generic to the branded version and debate with myself, "While the ingredients read the same, they can't really be the same, can they? Certainly the branded version has a leg up in effectiveness or something, just look at the colorful marketing on the packaging." In many cases, I am wasting my time as the products are, in fact, seemingly identical. Yet, sometimes there is a difference. Take Rice Krispies for example. While the "Crisped Rice" version offers a cost savings, they just don't snap, crackle, and pop in the same way as their legendary counterpart. And maybe it's just me, but the bags of the generic cereal never seem to open easily. You pull and tug until the bags bursts on all sides, cereal spilling everywhere. English muffins are the same. While the generic offers something that looks very similar, Thomas' version has nooks and crannies abounding throughout while the knock off has a flattened surface allowing your spread to just melt and run off the top. In that case, I might as well just have had toast. While generic alternatives are often an economical option, it's in the details that you must pay close attention to not sacrifice quality.
Most health care dollars are spent on treatment as opposed to prevention. In fact, according to the PA Dept of Health, of every dollar spent on health care, only about 4 cents is spent on prevention and public health. In turn, most is spent on treating preventable diseases ($55.9 billion in PA). One such preventable disease is the obesity epidemic. According to a source report referenced by the PA Dept of Health, Pennsylvania's rank has dropped from the 22nd heaviest state (2009) to 19th heaviest (2011). In addition, 1 in 3 Pennsylvania babies born in 2000 will develop diabetes in their lifetime due to the obesity epidemic. This tragedy is relatively easy to address, yet we too often fail to make considerable progress. Why? Perhaps the solutions offered are too generic.
In the book, Switch, the Heath brothers talk about a particular community where there was a highly touted initiative to promote wellness and make their community healthier. In spite of considerable resources and funding, it failed. After reviewing their approach, they determined that the messaging was too generic. "Get Healthy," is ambiguous. Instead, they targeted one particular message. They asked people to make one, small change and switch from 2% milk to skim. The initiative was a success and the results were tangible and quantifiable in terms of improving the health of their community. The message wasn't generic, it was specific.
A place like the Y offers a vast array of health and wellness options. Recently, we've worked to consolidate our main messaging in our ongoing efforts to improve the nation's health and well-being. When you visit the Y, you can receive a refrigerator-friendly takeaway that outlines 3 simple steps to a healthier lifestyle. Detailed points are highlighted under the steps of Get Fit, You Are What You Eat, and Stay Motivated. Follow these three specific steps and you're likely to see results.
Seeking the generic can be an efficient approach to shopping. It's not effective in promoting health and wellness. The focus and the details matter. "Be healthier" or "exercise more" often aren't tangible enough to move anyone to action. Reduce sugary beverages from your diet and walk at least 30-60 minutes daily (even if it's around your workplace) are more practical.
As we enter 2012, I encourage you to be frugal and go with the generic when it makes sense. However, when it comes to pursuing a healthier lifestyle or, perhaps, choosing breakfast foods, be specific and don't sacrifice quality or results.
Most health care dollars are spent on treatment as opposed to prevention. In fact, according to the PA Dept of Health, of every dollar spent on health care, only about 4 cents is spent on prevention and public health. In turn, most is spent on treating preventable diseases ($55.9 billion in PA). One such preventable disease is the obesity epidemic. According to a source report referenced by the PA Dept of Health, Pennsylvania's rank has dropped from the 22nd heaviest state (2009) to 19th heaviest (2011). In addition, 1 in 3 Pennsylvania babies born in 2000 will develop diabetes in their lifetime due to the obesity epidemic. This tragedy is relatively easy to address, yet we too often fail to make considerable progress. Why? Perhaps the solutions offered are too generic.
In the book, Switch, the Heath brothers talk about a particular community where there was a highly touted initiative to promote wellness and make their community healthier. In spite of considerable resources and funding, it failed. After reviewing their approach, they determined that the messaging was too generic. "Get Healthy," is ambiguous. Instead, they targeted one particular message. They asked people to make one, small change and switch from 2% milk to skim. The initiative was a success and the results were tangible and quantifiable in terms of improving the health of their community. The message wasn't generic, it was specific.
A place like the Y offers a vast array of health and wellness options. Recently, we've worked to consolidate our main messaging in our ongoing efforts to improve the nation's health and well-being. When you visit the Y, you can receive a refrigerator-friendly takeaway that outlines 3 simple steps to a healthier lifestyle. Detailed points are highlighted under the steps of Get Fit, You Are What You Eat, and Stay Motivated. Follow these three specific steps and you're likely to see results.
Seeking the generic can be an efficient approach to shopping. It's not effective in promoting health and wellness. The focus and the details matter. "Be healthier" or "exercise more" often aren't tangible enough to move anyone to action. Reduce sugary beverages from your diet and walk at least 30-60 minutes daily (even if it's around your workplace) are more practical.
As we enter 2012, I encourage you to be frugal and go with the generic when it makes sense. However, when it comes to pursuing a healthier lifestyle or, perhaps, choosing breakfast foods, be specific and don't sacrifice quality or results.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Just Let the Kids Play!
You've seen them, the hovering parents. They are at the playground, walking their child from the slide to the swing to the monkey bars; prompting, directing, and managing their young one through each activity. They are at school, the parent who wants their child's day scripted, for prior review and input followed by post day evaluation. They are in backyards across our community, taking over their child's fort-building project to do it more effectively and efficiently. The child who had started to build their backyard fort with a vision in mind is resigned to sitting off to the side, watching their parent build the fort, now complete with a watch tower, kitchenette, and sleeping quarters. When the fort is finished, the parent beams and says to their child, "Look at what you built!" The child forces a smile.
I've too often been this parent, trying to control and direct my child's play in order to maximize their childhood experience. I want them to learn, grow, and develop through not allowing them to miss a single, rich opportunity offered by various clubs, programs, sports, and structured quality time with their parents. Unfortunately, instead of fanning the flames of creativity and learning, this approach smothers independence and development.
Free play time is in steep decline throughout our society and the consequences may be more dire than people think. "Since about 1955... Children’s free play has been continually declining, at least partly because adults have exerted ever-increasing control over children's activities," says the author Peter Gray, Ph.D., Professor of Psychology (emeritus) at Boston College (Entin, Esther, “All Work and No Play: Why Your Kids Are More Anxious, Depressed," The Atlantic.com, Oct 2011). Free play is described as play that is self-direct and initiated by the child rather than prompted by an adult or through an organized activity. Gray further contends that hovering parents are a significant barrier to free play. "It is hard to find groups of children outdoors at all, and, if you do find them, they are likely [in a structured activity]." He references a 1997 study that showed 6-8 years olds spent 18% more time at school, 145% more time doing school work, and 168% more time shopping with parents when compared to the same group sixteen years earlier. The result is less free time. Further reducing free time, many schools and child care programs have cut recess or free play time to make room for more [structured] programming.
Dr. Gray states 5 main benefits of free play for children, all supporting their developing mental health.
1. Play gives children a chance to find and develop a connection to their own self-identified and self-guided interests.
2. It is through play that children first learn how to make decisions, solve problems, exert self control, and follow rules.
3. Children learn to handle their emotions, including anger and fear, during play.
4. Play helps children make friends and learn to get along with each other as equals.
5. Most importantly, play is a source of happiness.
Dr. Gray draws a parallel between the loss of free, unstructured play to the significant increase of anxiety and depression among children in the past 60 years. Studies have documents this trend and, in addition, they've shown suicide rates among youth increasing at an alarming rate during the same period. Gray contends that as a society, we should look closely at free play, the core value it has in the emotional and mental health of children, and mitigate the factors that have almost eliminated it from the lives of children today.
My wife is such a blessing to me in this area. She's made me realize that cereal crumbs on the couch, little faces smudged with jelly, and muddy jeans are not only bearable, but things for which we must be thankful. She often reins me in when I want to direct our children's play as well. "Just let them do it their way," She says, "its ok." According to Dr. Gray, it's not just "ok," but rather imperative.
Entin concludes, "The competing needs for childcare, academic and athletic success, and children's safety are compelling. But perhaps parents can begin to identify small changes -- such as openings in the schedule, backing off from quite so many supervised activities, and possibly less hovering on the playground that would start the pendulum returning to the direction of free, imaginative, kid-directed play."
I received a text from my wife today that read, "Don't be annoyed when you get home... house a mess... doing a project w/ the boys, but will be fun." My panic set in as I wondered what this might mean. When I arrived home, the kid's bathroom was awash in brightly colored paint. There were handprints, letters drawn from little fingers, stick-figures, and creative art from the young minds of a 4 and 6 year old. The floor was speckled with drippings of paint. Shirts were smeared with paint erased. What couldn't be erased were the smiles on the faces of our boys as they proudly displayed their handiwork. Their mom had given them a clean slate and freedom to paint their bathroom. And the mess that ensued was beautiful.
I've too often been this parent, trying to control and direct my child's play in order to maximize their childhood experience. I want them to learn, grow, and develop through not allowing them to miss a single, rich opportunity offered by various clubs, programs, sports, and structured quality time with their parents. Unfortunately, instead of fanning the flames of creativity and learning, this approach smothers independence and development.
Free play time is in steep decline throughout our society and the consequences may be more dire than people think. "Since about 1955... Children’s free play has been continually declining, at least partly because adults have exerted ever-increasing control over children's activities," says the author Peter Gray, Ph.D., Professor of Psychology (emeritus) at Boston College (Entin, Esther, “All Work and No Play: Why Your Kids Are More Anxious, Depressed," The Atlantic.com, Oct 2011). Free play is described as play that is self-direct and initiated by the child rather than prompted by an adult or through an organized activity. Gray further contends that hovering parents are a significant barrier to free play. "It is hard to find groups of children outdoors at all, and, if you do find them, they are likely [in a structured activity]." He references a 1997 study that showed 6-8 years olds spent 18% more time at school, 145% more time doing school work, and 168% more time shopping with parents when compared to the same group sixteen years earlier. The result is less free time. Further reducing free time, many schools and child care programs have cut recess or free play time to make room for more [structured] programming.
Dr. Gray states 5 main benefits of free play for children, all supporting their developing mental health.
1. Play gives children a chance to find and develop a connection to their own self-identified and self-guided interests.
2. It is through play that children first learn how to make decisions, solve problems, exert self control, and follow rules.
3. Children learn to handle their emotions, including anger and fear, during play.
4. Play helps children make friends and learn to get along with each other as equals.
5. Most importantly, play is a source of happiness.
Dr. Gray draws a parallel between the loss of free, unstructured play to the significant increase of anxiety and depression among children in the past 60 years. Studies have documents this trend and, in addition, they've shown suicide rates among youth increasing at an alarming rate during the same period. Gray contends that as a society, we should look closely at free play, the core value it has in the emotional and mental health of children, and mitigate the factors that have almost eliminated it from the lives of children today.
My wife is such a blessing to me in this area. She's made me realize that cereal crumbs on the couch, little faces smudged with jelly, and muddy jeans are not only bearable, but things for which we must be thankful. She often reins me in when I want to direct our children's play as well. "Just let them do it their way," She says, "its ok." According to Dr. Gray, it's not just "ok," but rather imperative.
Entin concludes, "The competing needs for childcare, academic and athletic success, and children's safety are compelling. But perhaps parents can begin to identify small changes -- such as openings in the schedule, backing off from quite so many supervised activities, and possibly less hovering on the playground that would start the pendulum returning to the direction of free, imaginative, kid-directed play."
I received a text from my wife today that read, "Don't be annoyed when you get home... house a mess... doing a project w/ the boys, but will be fun." My panic set in as I wondered what this might mean. When I arrived home, the kid's bathroom was awash in brightly colored paint. There were handprints, letters drawn from little fingers, stick-figures, and creative art from the young minds of a 4 and 6 year old. The floor was speckled with drippings of paint. Shirts were smeared with paint erased. What couldn't be erased were the smiles on the faces of our boys as they proudly displayed their handiwork. Their mom had given them a clean slate and freedom to paint their bathroom. And the mess that ensued was beautiful.
Friday, October 21, 2011
Encouraging Words
I've worked at the Y for over two years. I know that we have a top-notch array of land fitness classes. For two years, I've promised the Fitness Coordinator that I'd sample a class. Yet, I've always reasoned that taking a sample class would detract from my own fitness regime. My workouts were likely more challenging than the classes that my wife and her friends frequented. My tough-guy workout couldn't be interrupted by an aerobics class.
I was excited to learn that the Y was offering a new Track and Field class this fall. I am a runner, so this was tailored for me as a class I could attend and not veer from my standard workouts. And, it was held at the Dickinson College football field. I imagined us batting the elements while toughing it out through the grit of the football field. Count me in.
After two years of broken promises, the Fitness Coordinator was surprised to see me actually show up for class. She began class with talk of the importance of dynamic stretching (likely not needed for a self-trained athlete like me) and of circuit training, bosu balls, and light kettle weights. I wondered what happened to the sled-blocking drills on the frozen tundra that I imagined. In any case, I was there and intent on breezing through this class made up primarily of women.
"Let's go," the Fitness Coordinator yelled with a smile, "Let's get ready to work." I don't need your encouragement, I thought. I'll walk through this class and then pick up my own workout after class.
As a society, we're cavalier about the sentiment of encouragement. Often, the encouragement that we offer is limited to a short, "keep your head up," or something passed along through Hallmark or a Like button. Even more impersonal, encouragement is just something we stare at in the lunchroom, a laminated poster with a nature scene and a quote about mountaintops.
Encouragement is so much more - it's about interdependence, harmony, and peace. It's about building others up to achieve. Encouragement is about connectedness and strenght in unity.
A recent article from the website Medical News Today (Family Eating Together Better For Children's Health and Body Weight Control, 5/3/11, Editor's Choice) talked of the correlation between shared family meals and better health. Amber J. Hammons, PhD wrote: "Overall, families that eat 5 or more meals together have children who are [healthier]..." The authors of the study went further, "In addition, family meals are predictive of family-connectedness, which may encourage adolescents to talk about [health and nutrition] issues within their families." This, too, is encouragement. It is this picture of families eating together, developing open lines of communication, and inspiring each other to live healthier lives where we see that encouragement works.
I can be distracted, thinking about too many things at one time, and not being fully present in a conversation. At times, I've shared encouraging words with my children, albeit with my back turned to them or yelling to them from the other room. In working with youth in many settings, I've learned that there is nothing more powerful than stopping, adjusting to the eye level of a child, and speaking to directly to them. There aren't too many days that pass that I don't have my children slow and make eye contact, so that I can tell them that I am proud of them; The short interaction seeding lifetimes of acceptance, love, and encouragement.
After only about 15 minutes into class, I was pulling off my sweatshirt. This wasn't because I was uncomfortably hot, but rather to steal a break, a breather, and a drink. I thought that I must have started the drills too fast or were doing them incorrectly as the other people in the class seemed to be cruising along effortlessly. As we moved into circuit training, my stabilizer muscles were shaking wildly and the Draer Roll exercise set me up for humility at it's finest. As I eased out of the exercise, catching a break when the instructor had her back turned, I realized that my workouts were bunk. Or, my workouts were at least isolated to areas that hadn't prepared me to walk through this class. I was challenged, and tired.
As we moved through the class, the instructor took time to specifically and intentionally cheer on each participant, by name. She corrected form and pushed us to go harder. She praised and encouraged, by name. As we tired, we began to do the same. Clapping and cheering for one another, by name. The instructor had pre-planned a high-energy, challenging class and successfully pulled everyone one of us to the end through encouragement. As the challenges heightened so did her calls of encouragement, spreading it throughout the class until the culture of the group was immersed in affirmation. Bring on more Draer Rolls, we can do this! We could have been on a lunchroom poster.
The apostle Paul used the phrase, "encourage one another" multiple times in his letters to the early church. Two thousand years ago, he knew that this idea of encouraging each other was integral to a healthy community. In 2 Cor 13:11, he says, "...Strive for full restoration, encourage one another, be of one mind, live in peace..."
Whether it's encouraging your children through directly speaking positive truth into their day, cultivating trust and communication through family meals, or inspiring a friend to live a healthier life by challenging and then encouraging them to join you for a fitness class - be intentional about building someone else up today. It matters.
I was excited to learn that the Y was offering a new Track and Field class this fall. I am a runner, so this was tailored for me as a class I could attend and not veer from my standard workouts. And, it was held at the Dickinson College football field. I imagined us batting the elements while toughing it out through the grit of the football field. Count me in.
After two years of broken promises, the Fitness Coordinator was surprised to see me actually show up for class. She began class with talk of the importance of dynamic stretching (likely not needed for a self-trained athlete like me) and of circuit training, bosu balls, and light kettle weights. I wondered what happened to the sled-blocking drills on the frozen tundra that I imagined. In any case, I was there and intent on breezing through this class made up primarily of women.
"Let's go," the Fitness Coordinator yelled with a smile, "Let's get ready to work." I don't need your encouragement, I thought. I'll walk through this class and then pick up my own workout after class.
As a society, we're cavalier about the sentiment of encouragement. Often, the encouragement that we offer is limited to a short, "keep your head up," or something passed along through Hallmark or a Like button. Even more impersonal, encouragement is just something we stare at in the lunchroom, a laminated poster with a nature scene and a quote about mountaintops.
Encouragement is so much more - it's about interdependence, harmony, and peace. It's about building others up to achieve. Encouragement is about connectedness and strenght in unity.
A recent article from the website Medical News Today (Family Eating Together Better For Children's Health and Body Weight Control, 5/3/11, Editor's Choice) talked of the correlation between shared family meals and better health. Amber J. Hammons, PhD wrote: "Overall, families that eat 5 or more meals together have children who are [healthier]..." The authors of the study went further, "In addition, family meals are predictive of family-connectedness, which may encourage adolescents to talk about [health and nutrition] issues within their families." This, too, is encouragement. It is this picture of families eating together, developing open lines of communication, and inspiring each other to live healthier lives where we see that encouragement works.
I can be distracted, thinking about too many things at one time, and not being fully present in a conversation. At times, I've shared encouraging words with my children, albeit with my back turned to them or yelling to them from the other room. In working with youth in many settings, I've learned that there is nothing more powerful than stopping, adjusting to the eye level of a child, and speaking to directly to them. There aren't too many days that pass that I don't have my children slow and make eye contact, so that I can tell them that I am proud of them; The short interaction seeding lifetimes of acceptance, love, and encouragement.
After only about 15 minutes into class, I was pulling off my sweatshirt. This wasn't because I was uncomfortably hot, but rather to steal a break, a breather, and a drink. I thought that I must have started the drills too fast or were doing them incorrectly as the other people in the class seemed to be cruising along effortlessly. As we moved into circuit training, my stabilizer muscles were shaking wildly and the Draer Roll exercise set me up for humility at it's finest. As I eased out of the exercise, catching a break when the instructor had her back turned, I realized that my workouts were bunk. Or, my workouts were at least isolated to areas that hadn't prepared me to walk through this class. I was challenged, and tired.
As we moved through the class, the instructor took time to specifically and intentionally cheer on each participant, by name. She corrected form and pushed us to go harder. She praised and encouraged, by name. As we tired, we began to do the same. Clapping and cheering for one another, by name. The instructor had pre-planned a high-energy, challenging class and successfully pulled everyone one of us to the end through encouragement. As the challenges heightened so did her calls of encouragement, spreading it throughout the class until the culture of the group was immersed in affirmation. Bring on more Draer Rolls, we can do this! We could have been on a lunchroom poster.
The apostle Paul used the phrase, "encourage one another" multiple times in his letters to the early church. Two thousand years ago, he knew that this idea of encouraging each other was integral to a healthy community. In 2 Cor 13:11, he says, "...Strive for full restoration, encourage one another, be of one mind, live in peace..."
Whether it's encouraging your children through directly speaking positive truth into their day, cultivating trust and communication through family meals, or inspiring a friend to live a healthier life by challenging and then encouraging them to join you for a fitness class - be intentional about building someone else up today. It matters.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Mentoring to Build a Stronger Community
I've had the opportunity to work with various non-profits, schools, and youth programs during my career. I've been a part of many fine organizations working tirelessly to support and develop youth. While their missions, strategies, and outcomes have varied, I've observed a consistent theme in youth work. It seems that almost exclusively, there is a parallel between troubled youth and fatherless homes. Daily, an all-to-familiar story of pain and loss plays out in the lives of children where Dad is missing in action.
At the Y, we began discussing the idea of developing a new mentoring program. While the brainstorming created a lot of excitement, we quickly recognized that the best way to address this need isn't through an isolated effort, but through a collaborative approach from our community. In turn, we invited local churches, non-profits, schools, and social service providers to join in a book discussion about the fatherless generation while identifying this need locally and the best way to address the issue.
In our country, youth from fatherless homes account for: 63 percent of youth suicides, 71 percent of pregnant teenagers, 90 percent of all homeless and runaway children, 70 percent of juveniles in state operated institutions, 85 percent of all youths sitting in prison, 85 percent of all youth who exhibit behavior disorders, 80 percent of rapists motivated with displaced anger, 71 percent of high school dropouts, and 75 percent of all adolescents in chemical abuse centers (“The Future: Set Adrift on a Sea of Fatherless Children,” Idaho Observer, July 2003. As quoted in: Sowers, John. "Fatherless Generation: Redeeming the Story.” (Zondervan, 2010). Read those again. And again. The downside is that these statistics are extraoridnarily sad. The upside is that we can do something to siginficantly improve these numbers - today.
This Fall, the Y will begin The Mentoring Project initiative (www.thementoringproject.org). This initiative will seek to respond to the crisis of fatherlessness by inspiring and equipping faith communities to mentor fatherless youth. Through dynamic trainings, mentor recruitment, and the creation of sustainable mentoring communities, TMP is rewriting the story of a generation. We can’t bring back all the fathers, but we can provide mentors to step in their place.
The Y isn't going at this alone. The Mentoring Project will begin with a collaborative team that includes Big Brothers Big Sisters, area churches, and local educational institutions with funding support from the Kiwanis Club of Carlisle and Keystone Financial Associates. These agencies have come together to address the growing issue of fatherlessness in our community with the Y serving as the hub.
Donald Miller, founder of the Mentoring Project says, “[The story of the fatherless generation] does not have to be cyclical. It can end with fewer men in prison, less families abandoned, and the fatherless being cared for by positive role models who believe… that we can choose to live a better story.”
How can you be involved?
- Refer a youth, typically a boy between the ages of 7-14 without a father in the home, to be mentored.
- Learn more about what a TMP mentor looks like and if you might be a fit to potentially changes a child’s life through mentoring. The first mentor training will be held on October 8, 2011 at 8:00 a.m. at the Y.
- Get your church involved. Each faith community will have a church liaison that will seek mentors in their church and support mentors in matches.
For more information about The Mentoring Project, contact Steve Kuhn, Youth Outreach Director, at 243-2525 or skuhn@carlislefamilyymca.org.
At the Y, we began discussing the idea of developing a new mentoring program. While the brainstorming created a lot of excitement, we quickly recognized that the best way to address this need isn't through an isolated effort, but through a collaborative approach from our community. In turn, we invited local churches, non-profits, schools, and social service providers to join in a book discussion about the fatherless generation while identifying this need locally and the best way to address the issue.
In our country, youth from fatherless homes account for: 63 percent of youth suicides, 71 percent of pregnant teenagers, 90 percent of all homeless and runaway children, 70 percent of juveniles in state operated institutions, 85 percent of all youths sitting in prison, 85 percent of all youth who exhibit behavior disorders, 80 percent of rapists motivated with displaced anger, 71 percent of high school dropouts, and 75 percent of all adolescents in chemical abuse centers (“The Future: Set Adrift on a Sea of Fatherless Children,” Idaho Observer, July 2003. As quoted in: Sowers, John. "Fatherless Generation: Redeeming the Story.” (Zondervan, 2010). Read those again. And again. The downside is that these statistics are extraoridnarily sad. The upside is that we can do something to siginficantly improve these numbers - today.
This Fall, the Y will begin The Mentoring Project initiative (www.thementoringproject.org). This initiative will seek to respond to the crisis of fatherlessness by inspiring and equipping faith communities to mentor fatherless youth. Through dynamic trainings, mentor recruitment, and the creation of sustainable mentoring communities, TMP is rewriting the story of a generation. We can’t bring back all the fathers, but we can provide mentors to step in their place.
The Y isn't going at this alone. The Mentoring Project will begin with a collaborative team that includes Big Brothers Big Sisters, area churches, and local educational institutions with funding support from the Kiwanis Club of Carlisle and Keystone Financial Associates. These agencies have come together to address the growing issue of fatherlessness in our community with the Y serving as the hub.
Donald Miller, founder of the Mentoring Project says, “[The story of the fatherless generation] does not have to be cyclical. It can end with fewer men in prison, less families abandoned, and the fatherless being cared for by positive role models who believe… that we can choose to live a better story.”
How can you be involved?
- Refer a youth, typically a boy between the ages of 7-14 without a father in the home, to be mentored.
- Learn more about what a TMP mentor looks like and if you might be a fit to potentially changes a child’s life through mentoring. The first mentor training will be held on October 8, 2011 at 8:00 a.m. at the Y.
- Get your church involved. Each faith community will have a church liaison that will seek mentors in their church and support mentors in matches.
For more information about The Mentoring Project, contact Steve Kuhn, Youth Outreach Director, at 243-2525 or skuhn@carlislefamilyymca.org.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Living Slow
My friend recently returned from a missions trip with Awaken Haiti (www.awakenhaiti.org). He told the story of a Haitian woman who recently enjoyed an improved quality of life in moving from a long-term tent home to a more permanent structure. Rustic and rudimentary, her new shelter offered protection from the elements and offered her the opportunity to make it her home. While doing so, she had decorated her walls with an array of colorful pictures from children who had crafted the drawings in a recent Vacation Bible School event. Her complete contentment was evident in the gifts of moving from long-term tenting and receiving colorful creations from smiling children. Gratitude and joy were thick and seeped from the walls of the shelter. As my friend reflected on the story, he recounted how they set out on the trip to serve Haitians in need. But, who, he wondered aloud, was really being helped and rescued in the experience? Who was poor? Who was rich in life and happiness?
A recent excerpt from the Wall Street Journal (Lahart, Justin) discussed a recent poll (General Social Survey, University of Chicago) that showed the number of Americans who said that they were "very happy" fell to 29% last year. This number has dropped since the recession began and is at the lowest level in the 39-year history of the survey. Lahart says, "... people tend to measure how happy they are not just by the impact of such [economic] forces on their lives but also by comparing their circumstances with their neighbors." If Lahart's theory is true and the happiness index of our society parallels the economy and how well we perceive ourselves to be keeping up with the Jones', perhaps we need rescued.
While I didn't have the opportunity to speak with her, from my friend's retelling of the story I'm sensing that Haitian Woman's happiness factor was fairly high, even in the midst of political instability and environmental turmoil. She had a roof over her head. She had colorful pictures birthed from the hearts of children. She had relationships. Though thousands of miles separate, Haitain Woman's thankful heart illuminates the dark places of my ungratefulness and arrogant self-focus; as I write the conviction grows.
In news from the same day, the Wall Street Journal also reported that News Corp. sold Myspace to a small ad-targeting firm for $35 million. News Corp. purchased Myspace for $580 million six years ago. I'm guessing that News Corp.'s happiness factor is low. Perhaps Myspace is registering a "not too happy" on the scale as well because they certainly haven't kept up with their neighbors at Facebook. Pity.
In this column, we discuss wellness. Often, this includes prescriptions for more activity, exercise, and increased attention to improving our positions of health. When the discussion ends there, we have a tendency to file and pile these well-intentioned tasks on top of our to-do-lists, already bursting at capacity. However, we're remiss if the conversation about wellness doesn't extend to our mental health as well. And the dichotomy between physical and mental wellness is in the pace. While improving our physical health involves increasing our pace of activity, the fog of our mental health is best cleared by living slow.
Author Ann Voskamp (One Thousand Gifts), illustrates this idea well. In a recent blog post she writes about her reflections during a train ride with her family. "Living slow never killed time like hurrying does; hurrying is what races fast, catches up and kills time. Who thinks that doesn’t wound eternity? I’m the one who speeds up the train. Do I have the courage to just slow down? Life’s blurring lull too often sways me into drowsy apathy. But as the train lurches, I am jolted awake, aware: Go slow to see."
Haitian Woman's joy isn't drowned by the state of her circumstances, it's bubbling up within them. Living slow, she finds happiness in the abundance of gifts that surround her daily. Shelter. The Creator's creation: bright sun, blue sky, rains of grace. Children's imaginations drawn carefully careless, smudged with laughter. Do we really desire more out of life than the happiness found by Haitian Woman? Could we really race past her state of affairs to seek the sweet sap of life from our sour position to our neighbors economic condition? Rescue is in order and is found in the simple, wonderfully complex life.
In writing this piece, I'm reminded of the countess blessings that I'm immersed in every day. So many gifts. And the weight of my mental health tangibly lightens, brightens.
As you consider wellness, be encouraged to increase your physical activity and make healthier choices daily. But, do it in tandem with living slow. Be awake, aware, and see.
A recent excerpt from the Wall Street Journal (Lahart, Justin) discussed a recent poll (General Social Survey, University of Chicago) that showed the number of Americans who said that they were "very happy" fell to 29% last year. This number has dropped since the recession began and is at the lowest level in the 39-year history of the survey. Lahart says, "... people tend to measure how happy they are not just by the impact of such [economic] forces on their lives but also by comparing their circumstances with their neighbors." If Lahart's theory is true and the happiness index of our society parallels the economy and how well we perceive ourselves to be keeping up with the Jones', perhaps we need rescued.
While I didn't have the opportunity to speak with her, from my friend's retelling of the story I'm sensing that Haitian Woman's happiness factor was fairly high, even in the midst of political instability and environmental turmoil. She had a roof over her head. She had colorful pictures birthed from the hearts of children. She had relationships. Though thousands of miles separate, Haitain Woman's thankful heart illuminates the dark places of my ungratefulness and arrogant self-focus; as I write the conviction grows.
In news from the same day, the Wall Street Journal also reported that News Corp. sold Myspace to a small ad-targeting firm for $35 million. News Corp. purchased Myspace for $580 million six years ago. I'm guessing that News Corp.'s happiness factor is low. Perhaps Myspace is registering a "not too happy" on the scale as well because they certainly haven't kept up with their neighbors at Facebook. Pity.
In this column, we discuss wellness. Often, this includes prescriptions for more activity, exercise, and increased attention to improving our positions of health. When the discussion ends there, we have a tendency to file and pile these well-intentioned tasks on top of our to-do-lists, already bursting at capacity. However, we're remiss if the conversation about wellness doesn't extend to our mental health as well. And the dichotomy between physical and mental wellness is in the pace. While improving our physical health involves increasing our pace of activity, the fog of our mental health is best cleared by living slow.
Author Ann Voskamp (One Thousand Gifts), illustrates this idea well. In a recent blog post she writes about her reflections during a train ride with her family. "Living slow never killed time like hurrying does; hurrying is what races fast, catches up and kills time. Who thinks that doesn’t wound eternity? I’m the one who speeds up the train. Do I have the courage to just slow down? Life’s blurring lull too often sways me into drowsy apathy. But as the train lurches, I am jolted awake, aware: Go slow to see."
Haitian Woman's joy isn't drowned by the state of her circumstances, it's bubbling up within them. Living slow, she finds happiness in the abundance of gifts that surround her daily. Shelter. The Creator's creation: bright sun, blue sky, rains of grace. Children's imaginations drawn carefully careless, smudged with laughter. Do we really desire more out of life than the happiness found by Haitian Woman? Could we really race past her state of affairs to seek the sweet sap of life from our sour position to our neighbors economic condition? Rescue is in order and is found in the simple, wonderfully complex life.
In writing this piece, I'm reminded of the countess blessings that I'm immersed in every day. So many gifts. And the weight of my mental health tangibly lightens, brightens.
As you consider wellness, be encouraged to increase your physical activity and make healthier choices daily. But, do it in tandem with living slow. Be awake, aware, and see.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
The Single Best Exercise
Gretchen Reynolds recently posed the question, "What's the Single Best Exercise?" (New York Times, April 17, 2011). The article pieced together the expertise of many offering their opinion. The butterfly swim was suggested as were some old-fashioned calisthenics. Interval run/walking was proposed along with the squat life. All things considered, the author concluded that running up the stairs may just be the single best exercise.
My wife, two boys ages 4 and 6, and I packed up our vehicle and traveled to Family Camp 2011. This was our third Family Camp, the first without diapers. We braved the rain and joined a group of ten other families at Camp Thompson for a weekend of adventure.
Family Camp started off with a fun-filled game of adults versus kids dodgeball. The large field in front of Masland Hall set the stage for a showdown of this classic game among families. In the background, more families arrived and were checked into their cabins by Y staff. As one game finished and a new one started, two families introduced themselves, noting that they remembered meeting last year at Family Camp and recognizing how big the kids have grown since then. Off to the side, children who tired of dodgeball made their way over to the trampoline surrounded by parents with flashing cameras. The day unfolded with canoeing, archery, and lawn games.
Employed at the Y, I workout a few days a week. (I would not boast this as my motivated self will, but rather a complete lack of any excuse not to workout as I'm surrounded by opportunities for exercise). I've ran multiple distance races and even attempted a full marathon as well as a sprint triathlon). Overall, I'd consider myself in reasonable shape for my age (my age begins to show simply by using that phrase).
Even so, I was tiring at Family Camp. After dinner on Saturday, my friend and I braved the harsh elements (light drizzle), using our outdoor living skills to masterfully build (lighter and fire starter sticks) a campfire. Our village of cabins enjoyed Smores while the children played, explored, and imagined.
Our children are active. They play outside often, participate in community sports, and battle back the tired with everything that they have. My wife is high energy as well, working out often at the gym or with Billy Banks in the living room. I'd suggest that our family lives an active, healthy lifestyle.
Even so, we were tiring at Family Camp. On Sunday, we woke to homemade breakfast, crafts, lawn games, the Alpine Tower, and free choice. We chose to head out for a hike with our friends. The six adults and seven kids headed for the steep assent to Pole Steeple. It's about a mile up to the lookout. We decided to take a less steep route back down that was suggested by a friend who will remain nameless. The alternate route extended our mile decent three-fold. After a two-and-a-half-hour hike (which only by Divine Intervention included almost no whining and all children walking the entire way on their own), we returned to camp for lunch. Family Camp came to a close with children playing, the sun overpowering the rain, and friends new and old packing up their vehicles.
Both of our sons were asleep before we made it to the main road to return home. They slept as we unpacked the car. The older son slept for 2 hours immediately after school on Monday, passing up his snack and playtime. My legs were sore and my wife and I both fell asleep on the couch Sunday night and again on Monday night (my wife might argue that this is a regular occurrence for me, but I continue to contend it's due to physical exertion).
What's the single best exercise? Running up the stairs carries weight of a fine physical activity. However, I'd argue that for the best exercise that is relational, spiritual, physical, and emotional, pack up your vehicle and travel to a camp. Do it with others you know or meet others along the way. Exercise your mind, heart, body, and spirit while appreciating the beauty of Creation. Nature provides a better holistic exercise than any machine or routine can offer.
My wife, two boys ages 4 and 6, and I packed up our vehicle and traveled to Family Camp 2011. This was our third Family Camp, the first without diapers. We braved the rain and joined a group of ten other families at Camp Thompson for a weekend of adventure.
Family Camp started off with a fun-filled game of adults versus kids dodgeball. The large field in front of Masland Hall set the stage for a showdown of this classic game among families. In the background, more families arrived and were checked into their cabins by Y staff. As one game finished and a new one started, two families introduced themselves, noting that they remembered meeting last year at Family Camp and recognizing how big the kids have grown since then. Off to the side, children who tired of dodgeball made their way over to the trampoline surrounded by parents with flashing cameras. The day unfolded with canoeing, archery, and lawn games.
Employed at the Y, I workout a few days a week. (I would not boast this as my motivated self will, but rather a complete lack of any excuse not to workout as I'm surrounded by opportunities for exercise). I've ran multiple distance races and even attempted a full marathon as well as a sprint triathlon). Overall, I'd consider myself in reasonable shape for my age (my age begins to show simply by using that phrase).
Even so, I was tiring at Family Camp. After dinner on Saturday, my friend and I braved the harsh elements (light drizzle), using our outdoor living skills to masterfully build (lighter and fire starter sticks) a campfire. Our village of cabins enjoyed Smores while the children played, explored, and imagined.
Our children are active. They play outside often, participate in community sports, and battle back the tired with everything that they have. My wife is high energy as well, working out often at the gym or with Billy Banks in the living room. I'd suggest that our family lives an active, healthy lifestyle.
Even so, we were tiring at Family Camp. On Sunday, we woke to homemade breakfast, crafts, lawn games, the Alpine Tower, and free choice. We chose to head out for a hike with our friends. The six adults and seven kids headed for the steep assent to Pole Steeple. It's about a mile up to the lookout. We decided to take a less steep route back down that was suggested by a friend who will remain nameless. The alternate route extended our mile decent three-fold. After a two-and-a-half-hour hike (which only by Divine Intervention included almost no whining and all children walking the entire way on their own), we returned to camp for lunch. Family Camp came to a close with children playing, the sun overpowering the rain, and friends new and old packing up their vehicles.
Both of our sons were asleep before we made it to the main road to return home. They slept as we unpacked the car. The older son slept for 2 hours immediately after school on Monday, passing up his snack and playtime. My legs were sore and my wife and I both fell asleep on the couch Sunday night and again on Monday night (my wife might argue that this is a regular occurrence for me, but I continue to contend it's due to physical exertion).
What's the single best exercise? Running up the stairs carries weight of a fine physical activity. However, I'd argue that for the best exercise that is relational, spiritual, physical, and emotional, pack up your vehicle and travel to a camp. Do it with others you know or meet others along the way. Exercise your mind, heart, body, and spirit while appreciating the beauty of Creation. Nature provides a better holistic exercise than any machine or routine can offer.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Living Well Through Learning Well
The sawdust puffed from the back and forth of the hand saw on the board wood. My grandfather huffed with each smooth stroke as my 3-year old watched intently. My wife's vision for window seats around our dining room table were coming to fruition, carefully constructed by the years of experience that my grandfather offered to the project. The 3-year old worked quietly alongside, mirroring the tasks, wondering why his plastic tools didn't produce the same results as the heavy steel tools used by his great-grand-dad. I stood by, foreman (runner) of the project, appreciating the multi-generational teaching - the giving and receiving.
Recently, I was getting in an early afternoon workout at the Y. I took my seat on a rowing machine, planning to do a 5-minute cool down. Within a moment, a friend from church, retired dentist, sat next to me. Dentist pays close attention to his physical and mental health, visiting the Y often to exercise both. He began to row next to me, effortlessly. He is a storyteller. Not one that you hope quickly finds the ending of their recount, but one who you're intrigued to ask questions, to ask for another story, to ask for more. We talked of Japan's crisis, of World Wars, and of the world's wars. Stories of horses bought and sold, of weather on the west coast, and of parenting lessons. He's smart, reflective, well seasoned for this season of life. The timer on my rowing machine read 30 minutes, but I didn't care. I rowed on. And listened.
I'm appreciative that the Sentinel runs this blog as a monthly article. I've enjoyed many comments and conversations in the moving of the words from virtual to print. I even received a hand-written note from a former high school teacher, saying that the articles are appreciated and that she uses them in her class to provoke discussion. In her humility, there wasn't mention of the articles being fruits of her (and so many other teachers and mentors) seeding. Gardens of education grown up. Lessons of life being passed on, cultivated, nourished.
A recent headline read, Exercising gets more important with age (Lloyd, Janice, USA Today). The article talked of the importance of continued physical activity as people age for improved physical health and longevity. Conversely, I'd offer another thought headline, The aged are important for our exercise. There is a component of wellness that is found in the circle of giving back, those with more wisdom and experience and life pouring back into those of us with so much left to learn. The rowing helps my heart beat stronger, the conversation with someone whose walked more life than I helps my mind grow deeper.
Health and wellness is found in not only the physical, but the emotional, social, and spiritual. The next time you invest in exercise, carve out time to step beyond a solitary regiment of activity. Consider adding to your workout the opportunity to seek out and listen to the aged, the seasoned, the experienced. Proverbs 2:2-3 reads, "Tune your ears to wisdom, and concentrate on understanding. Cry out for insight and ask for understanding."
Much to the chagrin of my wife, I am not home improvement guy. My construction of the widow seats would have consisted of calling for price quotes. But, on this day, I was glad that I'm not skilled in carpentry. I learned more from watching and the lessons had nothing to do with woodworking.
Recently, I was getting in an early afternoon workout at the Y. I took my seat on a rowing machine, planning to do a 5-minute cool down. Within a moment, a friend from church, retired dentist, sat next to me. Dentist pays close attention to his physical and mental health, visiting the Y often to exercise both. He began to row next to me, effortlessly. He is a storyteller. Not one that you hope quickly finds the ending of their recount, but one who you're intrigued to ask questions, to ask for another story, to ask for more. We talked of Japan's crisis, of World Wars, and of the world's wars. Stories of horses bought and sold, of weather on the west coast, and of parenting lessons. He's smart, reflective, well seasoned for this season of life. The timer on my rowing machine read 30 minutes, but I didn't care. I rowed on. And listened.
I'm appreciative that the Sentinel runs this blog as a monthly article. I've enjoyed many comments and conversations in the moving of the words from virtual to print. I even received a hand-written note from a former high school teacher, saying that the articles are appreciated and that she uses them in her class to provoke discussion. In her humility, there wasn't mention of the articles being fruits of her (and so many other teachers and mentors) seeding. Gardens of education grown up. Lessons of life being passed on, cultivated, nourished.
A recent headline read, Exercising gets more important with age (Lloyd, Janice, USA Today). The article talked of the importance of continued physical activity as people age for improved physical health and longevity. Conversely, I'd offer another thought headline, The aged are important for our exercise. There is a component of wellness that is found in the circle of giving back, those with more wisdom and experience and life pouring back into those of us with so much left to learn. The rowing helps my heart beat stronger, the conversation with someone whose walked more life than I helps my mind grow deeper.
Health and wellness is found in not only the physical, but the emotional, social, and spiritual. The next time you invest in exercise, carve out time to step beyond a solitary regiment of activity. Consider adding to your workout the opportunity to seek out and listen to the aged, the seasoned, the experienced. Proverbs 2:2-3 reads, "Tune your ears to wisdom, and concentrate on understanding. Cry out for insight and ask for understanding."
Much to the chagrin of my wife, I am not home improvement guy. My construction of the widow seats would have consisted of calling for price quotes. But, on this day, I was glad that I'm not skilled in carpentry. I learned more from watching and the lessons had nothing to do with woodworking.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Connecting to Better Health
I recently had a business lunch meeting at a local restaurant. I noticed two couples eating at adjacent tables. At one table, a couple sat across from each other and the silence was only broken when they ordered and asked for more napkins. At another table, a couple sat on the same side of the table (a rarity in our culture) and talked throughout the meal. While I am not aware of the circumstances surrounding either meal, the observable difference was in the connection between the individuals. When my wife and I were dating, I would take her to breakfast and I'd buy a newspaper beforehand to read during the meal. Over time, she taught me that it was important to her that we use that time to connect, not isolate and read. To this day, when we go out to dinner as a family, my tendency is to allow the kids to take the video games and for me to manage the chaos until the meal is over. My wife leans toward leaving the video games at home, everyone being present, and sharing about the happenings of our days (and sometimes intentionally allowing some chaos to occur)! The difference is in the opportunity that we're giving our family to connect.
My pastor friend often talks of the life cycle of someone new to church. They'll come, they may like what they find and stay, and they may even check out a program or two. This will last for some time, but the engagement will fade unless there is a deeper connection. To this end, people are encouraged to join a community group or commit to serving in a ministry area. If they find a deeper connection in community, they stay. If they don't connect with others, they eventually move on.
A recent article in the New York Times asked if gyms are passe (New York Times, Catherine Saint Louis, January 26, 2001)? One gym owner said this, "Now everybody is plugged in... now they come to disassociate themselves from everyone... it's killing the health club..." The article goes on the argue that while there is a market for the anti-social approach to fitness, that socializing is still the key to long-term exercise success. Casey Conrad, a fitness industry consultant says, "There's no question that the social element is a huge, huge piece to getting participation. I travel a lot, and when I miss a yoga class [at my gym], they are like, 'Casey, where have you been?" Other industry experts reported that people have to have the opportunity to be challenged while connecting in a meaningful way to others. A personal trainer stated that the environment was important, but ultimately, "It's about connection."
If your exercise resolutions are fading and your commitments to wellness are waning, try connecting for better health. In each community that you are a part of, find a way to connect at a deeper level. Find a gym where you can work out while also connecting to others in am meaningful way. When you go out to eat, make healthy food choices by choosing fresh, nutritionally rich menu options while also making healthy relational choices by leaving the newspaper at home and connecting with the person that you are with.
My pastor friend often talks of the life cycle of someone new to church. They'll come, they may like what they find and stay, and they may even check out a program or two. This will last for some time, but the engagement will fade unless there is a deeper connection. To this end, people are encouraged to join a community group or commit to serving in a ministry area. If they find a deeper connection in community, they stay. If they don't connect with others, they eventually move on.
A recent article in the New York Times asked if gyms are passe (New York Times, Catherine Saint Louis, January 26, 2001)? One gym owner said this, "Now everybody is plugged in... now they come to disassociate themselves from everyone... it's killing the health club..." The article goes on the argue that while there is a market for the anti-social approach to fitness, that socializing is still the key to long-term exercise success. Casey Conrad, a fitness industry consultant says, "There's no question that the social element is a huge, huge piece to getting participation. I travel a lot, and when I miss a yoga class [at my gym], they are like, 'Casey, where have you been?" Other industry experts reported that people have to have the opportunity to be challenged while connecting in a meaningful way to others. A personal trainer stated that the environment was important, but ultimately, "It's about connection."
If your exercise resolutions are fading and your commitments to wellness are waning, try connecting for better health. In each community that you are a part of, find a way to connect at a deeper level. Find a gym where you can work out while also connecting to others in am meaningful way. When you go out to eat, make healthy food choices by choosing fresh, nutritionally rich menu options while also making healthy relational choices by leaving the newspaper at home and connecting with the person that you are with.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
A Different Kind of Strength
After seeing a YouTube clip of the the memorable crane-kick scene of the original Karate Kid, my five-year-old son begged me to watch the entire movie. While I immediately broke out my checkered Vans, stone-washed jeans, loaded up the "You're the Best" theme song, and prepared to enjoy the movie with my son; my wife was hesitant. "They're not going to get it, our boys will just end up doing karate on each other." After a month of my wife getting sad eyes from my sons and persuasive arguments from me about the positive themes of the film, she caved. We rented the 2010 version and watched the movie together. If anyone hasn't seen the movie (and I can't imagine a scenario where someone could not have seen any film in the Karate Kid series), the premise is that work causes a single mom to move to China and her young son finds himself scared, confused, and in a place of experiencing great weakness. He turns to Kung Fu, taught to him by a maintenance man master. The boy finds life lessons and strength through his relationship with the master. After a week of time outs for the boys doing karate on each other, we had a family discussion about the lessons of the movie. First, as Mr. Han said, "The best fights are the ones we avoid." Next, an important lesson was that the boy found a strength in someone else that he couldn't have found in himself. He found strength beyond anything that he could possess on his own through another person.
I recently read a blog authored by a friend, John Ulsh. John was living the American Dream with a wonderful family and a successful career when on December, 2007, John and his family were hit head-on while driving home from a swim meet. John was flown to Hershey Medical Center with little chance of survival. His family had serious, but less threatening injuries. John now maintains a blog (http://remotivate.wordpress.com/) where he discusses his recovery from a variety of aspects. It's powerful and motivational. I particularly enjoyed this excerpt from a recent post: "Trust is always easier when things are going well or when things are so bad that you are unable to do things for yourself. Trust becomes a completely different thing when it is blind or when you could just do it yourself, but instead put your faith in another person or process. I trust God has a plan. I believe my calling is to live each day with passion and conviction and to be open to His plan in every experience." His blog reflects a self-reliant, successful man forced to depend on others in ways that he might never have imagined. Yet, through the process he finds strength beyond anything he could possess on his own.
The same storyline appears in Scripture. In 2 Corinthians 12 (NLT), the apostle Paul talks of a struggle that he is having, a weakness he is experiencing, a "thorn in his flesh." Paul writes, "Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, 'My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.' So now I am glad to boast about my weakness, so that the power of Christ can work through me." This revelation was a perspective-changer for Paul to say the least. Instead of asking God to relieve him of his weakness, he embraced the weakness because he knew a greater power was found in something other than himself.
This storyline unfolds daily at places like the Carlisle Family YMCA. Someone can purchase a workout DVD and will themselves to exercise in their living room. Some are successful. Many are not. Conversely, when people enter into community, their will and motivation is increased as it is pulled from others during times of weakness. This is easily identified in pursuit of a physical goal (Don't feel like running today? It's much more likely you won't bail if you are supposed to do it with a friend). However, the idea of finding emotional and spiritual strength in our own weakness flourishes in communities like the Y as well. (Just see the uncertain child gaining confidence from participating in a team sport or the teen increasing their faith from a corporate outing with their peers at camp or the notes of encouragement pulled together by friends when someone from their group has been absent for a time) These moments are wrapped in humility, respect, and a maturity to recognize that this life isn't about you. It's about something more. And as you experience that, you find a different kind of strength - a strength that can only be found in weakness.
I recently read a blog authored by a friend, John Ulsh. John was living the American Dream with a wonderful family and a successful career when on December, 2007, John and his family were hit head-on while driving home from a swim meet. John was flown to Hershey Medical Center with little chance of survival. His family had serious, but less threatening injuries. John now maintains a blog (http://remotivate.wordpress.com/) where he discusses his recovery from a variety of aspects. It's powerful and motivational. I particularly enjoyed this excerpt from a recent post: "Trust is always easier when things are going well or when things are so bad that you are unable to do things for yourself. Trust becomes a completely different thing when it is blind or when you could just do it yourself, but instead put your faith in another person or process. I trust God has a plan. I believe my calling is to live each day with passion and conviction and to be open to His plan in every experience." His blog reflects a self-reliant, successful man forced to depend on others in ways that he might never have imagined. Yet, through the process he finds strength beyond anything he could possess on his own.
The same storyline appears in Scripture. In 2 Corinthians 12 (NLT), the apostle Paul talks of a struggle that he is having, a weakness he is experiencing, a "thorn in his flesh." Paul writes, "Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, 'My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.' So now I am glad to boast about my weakness, so that the power of Christ can work through me." This revelation was a perspective-changer for Paul to say the least. Instead of asking God to relieve him of his weakness, he embraced the weakness because he knew a greater power was found in something other than himself.
This storyline unfolds daily at places like the Carlisle Family YMCA. Someone can purchase a workout DVD and will themselves to exercise in their living room. Some are successful. Many are not. Conversely, when people enter into community, their will and motivation is increased as it is pulled from others during times of weakness. This is easily identified in pursuit of a physical goal (Don't feel like running today? It's much more likely you won't bail if you are supposed to do it with a friend). However, the idea of finding emotional and spiritual strength in our own weakness flourishes in communities like the Y as well. (Just see the uncertain child gaining confidence from participating in a team sport or the teen increasing their faith from a corporate outing with their peers at camp or the notes of encouragement pulled together by friends when someone from their group has been absent for a time) These moments are wrapped in humility, respect, and a maturity to recognize that this life isn't about you. It's about something more. And as you experience that, you find a different kind of strength - a strength that can only be found in weakness.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
The Healthiest People I Know
There is a group of people that frequent the Y who are fondly referred to as the breakfast bunch. They spend a few hours at the Y most weekday mornings, but physical exercise occupies only a portion of their time. They arrive before sunrise and warmly greet each other, making small talk with the Y staff along the way. They each get their workout in, ranging from shooting hoops to lap swimming to visiting the Fitness Center. After showering, they gather at the tables in the lobby and wind down the morning sharing about their weeks, their families, and their lives. Sometimes, they follow up their Y visit by going out to breakfast. They enjoy their time together. I believe this is the healthiest group of people at the Y.
In spite of technology that allows us to connect with more people, more efficiently, we are a society of individuals becoming increasingly isolated. Busy schedules prevent deepening relationships and friendships become categorized networks. This is unhealthy.
Scientifically, we began to see the ill effects of isolation from Dr. Lisa Berman's Alameda County Study (originally published 1979). In the study, her team looked at the lives of 7,000 people in Alameda County over 9 years. They studied the quantity (number of relationships) and quality (depth of relationships) that these people had developed. In short, the study showed that the most isolated people were three times more likely to die versus those with stronger, healthier social bonds. Variables proved irrelevant, both in age and lifestyle. "The protective value of connection [relationships] showed, under statistical multivariate analysis, to be present in all ages [30-69]... [and] even in the presence of health hazards such as smoking, obesity, alcohol use, poverty, poor use of health services, and poor health at the start of the study, people who had strong social ties lived significantly longer than those who did not." (Hallowell, Edward M. Connect).
The key to those who were most healthy and lived longer were those who had several kinds of connections. These included churches, family, friends, clubs, service groups, and similar social organizations. The connections varied from person to person, but ultimately the more deep relationships, the better. Those who were in the most danger of dying were the 10-15% who were most isolated. Similar studies conducted internationally have replicated these findings over the past 30 years. (Hallowell, Connect).
There is a retired couple who comes into the Y daily. During my first days working at the Y, the gentleman (always recognizable in Miami Hurricanes gear) yelled across the lobby, "Who are you?" I introduced myself. "Well, Tuckey," he said, "the coffee pot is not getting as hot as it used to. Fix that and you'll have done something around here." Since that time, we've developed a friendship. We talk regularly about faith, sports, and heating systems. These folks will tell you that they come to this place for exercise, but most importantly they come here to visit their "family." Their friends are here. Their loved ones are here. And the Y wouldn't be the same place without them.
In a recent health journal, two BYU professors reported that social connections can improve our odds of survival by 50 percent (PLoS Medicine). According to them, social isolation or low social interaction compares to these well known risk factors: smoking 15 cigarettes a day, alcoholism, more harmful than not exercising, and twice as harmful as obesity.
Will finding a new friend solve your health challenges and ensure a long life? Not necessarily. However, science continues to show that investing in people, valuing relationships, and dedicating time to listening to and learning from others is emotionally and physically beneficial. Humans are hard wired for personal and supernatural connections. Eat healthy, exercise, and don't starve yourself of relationships. It all matters.
In spite of technology that allows us to connect with more people, more efficiently, we are a society of individuals becoming increasingly isolated. Busy schedules prevent deepening relationships and friendships become categorized networks. This is unhealthy.
Scientifically, we began to see the ill effects of isolation from Dr. Lisa Berman's Alameda County Study (originally published 1979). In the study, her team looked at the lives of 7,000 people in Alameda County over 9 years. They studied the quantity (number of relationships) and quality (depth of relationships) that these people had developed. In short, the study showed that the most isolated people were three times more likely to die versus those with stronger, healthier social bonds. Variables proved irrelevant, both in age and lifestyle. "The protective value of connection [relationships] showed, under statistical multivariate analysis, to be present in all ages [30-69]... [and] even in the presence of health hazards such as smoking, obesity, alcohol use, poverty, poor use of health services, and poor health at the start of the study, people who had strong social ties lived significantly longer than those who did not." (Hallowell, Edward M. Connect).
The key to those who were most healthy and lived longer were those who had several kinds of connections. These included churches, family, friends, clubs, service groups, and similar social organizations. The connections varied from person to person, but ultimately the more deep relationships, the better. Those who were in the most danger of dying were the 10-15% who were most isolated. Similar studies conducted internationally have replicated these findings over the past 30 years. (Hallowell, Connect).
There is a retired couple who comes into the Y daily. During my first days working at the Y, the gentleman (always recognizable in Miami Hurricanes gear) yelled across the lobby, "Who are you?" I introduced myself. "Well, Tuckey," he said, "the coffee pot is not getting as hot as it used to. Fix that and you'll have done something around here." Since that time, we've developed a friendship. We talk regularly about faith, sports, and heating systems. These folks will tell you that they come to this place for exercise, but most importantly they come here to visit their "family." Their friends are here. Their loved ones are here. And the Y wouldn't be the same place without them.
In a recent health journal, two BYU professors reported that social connections can improve our odds of survival by 50 percent (PLoS Medicine). According to them, social isolation or low social interaction compares to these well known risk factors: smoking 15 cigarettes a day, alcoholism, more harmful than not exercising, and twice as harmful as obesity.
Will finding a new friend solve your health challenges and ensure a long life? Not necessarily. However, science continues to show that investing in people, valuing relationships, and dedicating time to listening to and learning from others is emotionally and physically beneficial. Humans are hard wired for personal and supernatural connections. Eat healthy, exercise, and don't starve yourself of relationships. It all matters.
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