Healthy Fear

It was Thursday, January 12 at 1:00 a.m. I stood in the kitchen holding my wife in my arms, her sobbing breaking the silence of the early morning. "I'm so scared." She said. Her bags were packed and the car was idling outside, both ready for her departure. We were not as ready. She was preparing to go on a mission trip with Awaken Haiti (www.awakenhaiti.com). She had never left our boys for more than 24 hours. She had no idea of what to expect in Haiti. She gets plane-sick. The fear was thick as we said our goodbyes. I was consciously reassuring, but I'm not sure that I masked my own fears. I wasn't worried about being a single parent for a week (I was confident in pizza take out and the durability of wearing jeans many days in a row). I was scared about my lack of control. I couldn't talk or communicate to her during this trip. I wouldn't know that she was ok. I couldn't care for or protect her. We were scared. We stood in the fear for a moment, prayed, and she left.

Fear is a powerful force. It's defined as a "distressing emotion by impending danger... whether the threat is real or imagined..." (dictionary.com). As a society, we don't like to recognize fear. We're conditioned to have a fear of fear. In turn, we make bumper stickers to negate the reality of fear, as some sort of invisible shield to ward of its effect on our Volkswagens. When we fail to recognize it, fear compels us toward addictions, avoidance, and apathy and drives us away from opportunity, trust, and courage. Often, fear is an emotion that we simply pretend isn't there, isn't real, and when we do this, fear is roots itself deeper in our backyards, poisoning the well.

Last week, the USA Today reported a story of an Alaskan couple who were out walking their two golden retrievers when a moose attacked the man, stomping him to the ground, breaking seven of his ribs in the process. When the moose came at her, she ran back to their truck, grabbed a shovel, and "hit it with everything [she] had." (USA Today, January 24, 2012).

Fear can be a healthy emotion. It allows us to sense danger, evaluate risk, and determine a response. Danger is a part of our world and fear is a tool to help us navigate through the choppy waters of risk. Mark Batterson, author of "In A Pit With A Lion On A Snowy Day" says, "The goal of life is not the elimination of fear. The goal is to muster the moral courage to [confront that fear]" (38). In fact, he says that in reflecting on our lives, we're more likely to regret the opportunities that we didn't seize, the ones that we missed sometimes because of fear, than those that we did and regretted. To achieve all that we've been created to be, we must find the courage to face our fears. Batterson says, "One courageous choice may be the only thing between you and your dream becoming a reality" (123).

Our friends, Jeff and Deb Denglinger felt a call to serve the people of Haiti a few years ago. As their role in developing Awaken Haiti began to crystallize, it became apparent to them that they were called to actually move to Haiti. Jeff had a successful construction business and they have three school aged children. The fear of moving to a place of such uncertainty and need was breathtaking. Yet, they sold everything and moved their family to Haiti. They entered the ocean of fear with a triple summersault dive.

Legendary boxing trainer Cus D'Amato said, "Heroes and cowards feel exactly the same fear. Heroes just react to it differently." Our mental health is best served when we identify the fear for what it is - an emotional response. From there, we can determine if the fear is resulting from something real or imagined. In turn, we can call on what's needed in response. It might be unlearning an irrational fear. It might be battling back an imagined fear with reality and truth. Or, it might be calling on something greater within us to not cower from the fear, but to stand against it and walk through it.

My wife went on her trip to Haiti. She was lonely, afraid, and scared in many ways. Yet, walking through that fear to serve others in Haiti offered her a life-changing experience. Most significantly, she observed that many Haitians who live in desolate and deplorable conditions, have an interesting response to their fears - joy. Their joy drowns their fears. My wife is finding new life in this truth only because she stood in her fear and made the trip to Haiti.

Likewise, the Denlingers are living new lives of significance, accessible only because they stepped into their fear of moving to Haiti. In their words, "We've been challenged to take back our faith from the American dream, to live life 'Wide Awake'... to live a life that demands an explanation..." This, an opportunity only available by diving into their fear.

The Alaskan couple escaped the moose attack, as did their dogs. The 85 year old woman who stood 5 feet tall and weighs 97 pounds faced fear and beat it back with a shovel.

Fear can be a violently destructive emotion that destroys lives, squelches opportunities, and numbs us to living life "wide awake." Or, it can be a healthy emotion that is a tool that we use to grow in courage, trust, and experience. Maybe the fear you face today isn't about packing up your family and moving to Haiti. Maybe it's about making healthier choices for your life, or a seizing a new opportunity that seems risky, or ending or starting a new relationship. Whatever the case, don't let fear be a barrier to a better you.

Author and blogger Ann Voskamp says this, "Today is always the best day to end the fears and begin being the best you... The relief is in the release of everything into the hands of God... abandon and abide - all is well."

Living Slow

My friend recently returned from a missions trip with Awaken Haiti (www.awakenhaiti.org). He told the story of a Haitian woman who recently enjoyed an improved quality of life in moving from a long-term tent home to a more permanent structure. Rustic and rudimentary, her new shelter offered protection from the elements and offered her the opportunity to make it her home. While doing so, she had decorated her walls with an array of colorful pictures from children who had crafted the drawings in a recent Vacation Bible School event. Her complete contentment was evident in the gifts of moving from long-term tenting and receiving colorful creations from smiling children. Gratitude and joy were thick and seeped from the walls of the shelter. As my friend reflected on the story, he recounted how they set out on the trip to serve Haitians in need. But, who, he wondered aloud, was really being helped and rescued in the experience? Who was poor? Who was rich in life and happiness?

A recent excerpt from the Wall Street Journal (Lahart, Justin) discussed a recent poll (General Social Survey, University of Chicago) that showed the number of Americans who said that they were "very happy" fell to 29% last year. This number has dropped since the recession began and is at the lowest level in the 39-year history of the survey. Lahart says, "... people tend to measure how happy they are not just by the impact of such [economic] forces on their lives but also by comparing their circumstances with their neighbors." If Lahart's theory is true and the happiness index of our society parallels the economy and how well we perceive ourselves to be keeping up with the Jones', perhaps we need rescued.

While I didn't have the opportunity to speak with her, from my friend's retelling of the story I'm sensing that Haitian Woman's happiness factor was fairly high, even in the midst of political instability and environmental turmoil. She had a roof over her head. She had colorful pictures birthed from the hearts of children. She had relationships. Though thousands of miles separate, Haitain Woman's thankful heart illuminates the dark places of my ungratefulness and arrogant self-focus; as I write the conviction grows.

In news from the same day, the Wall Street Journal also reported that News Corp. sold Myspace to a small ad-targeting firm for $35 million. News Corp. purchased Myspace for $580 million six years ago. I'm guessing that News Corp.'s happiness factor is low. Perhaps Myspace is registering a "not too happy" on the scale as well because they certainly haven't kept up with their neighbors at Facebook. Pity.

In this column, we discuss wellness. Often, this includes prescriptions for more activity, exercise, and increased attention to improving our positions of health. When the discussion ends there, we have a tendency to file and pile these well-intentioned tasks on top of our to-do-lists, already bursting at capacity. However, we're remiss if the conversation about wellness doesn't extend to our mental health as well. And the dichotomy between physical and mental wellness is in the pace. While improving our physical health involves increasing our pace of activity, the fog of our mental health is best cleared by living slow.

Author Ann Voskamp (One Thousand Gifts), illustrates this idea well. In a recent blog post she writes about her reflections during a train ride with her family. "Living slow never killed time like hurrying does; hurrying is what races fast, catches up and kills time. Who thinks that doesn’t wound eternity? I’m the one who speeds up the train. Do I have the courage to just slow down? Life’s blurring lull too often sways me into drowsy apathy. But as the train lurches, I am jolted awake, aware: Go slow to see."

Haitian Woman's joy isn't drowned by the state of her circumstances, it's bubbling up within them. Living slow, she finds happiness in the abundance of gifts that surround her daily. Shelter. The Creator's creation: bright sun, blue sky, rains of grace. Children's imaginations drawn carefully careless, smudged with laughter. Do we really desire more out of life than the happiness found by Haitian Woman? Could we really race past her state of affairs to seek the sweet sap of life from our sour position to our neighbors economic condition? Rescue is in order and is found in the simple, wonderfully complex life.

In writing this piece, I'm reminded of the countess blessings that I'm immersed in every day. So many gifts. And the weight of my mental health tangibly lightens, brightens.

As you consider wellness, be encouraged to increase your physical activity and make healthier choices daily. But, do it in tandem with living slow. Be awake, aware, and see.

Living Well Through Learning Well

The sawdust puffed from the back and forth of the hand saw on the board wood. My grandfather huffed with each smooth stroke as my 3-year old watched intently. My wife's vision for window seats around our dining room table were coming to fruition, carefully constructed by the years of experience that my grandfather offered to the project. The 3-year old worked quietly alongside, mirroring the tasks, wondering why his plastic tools didn't produce the same results as the heavy steel tools used by his great-grand-dad. I stood by, foreman (runner) of the project, appreciating the multi-generational teaching - the giving and receiving.

Recently, I was getting in an early afternoon workout at the Y. I took my seat on a rowing machine, planning to do a 5-minute cool down. Within a moment, a friend from church, retired dentist, sat next to me. Dentist pays close attention to his physical and mental health, visiting the Y often to exercise both. He began to row next to me, effortlessly. He is a storyteller. Not one that you hope quickly finds the ending of their recount, but one who you're intrigued to ask questions, to ask for another story, to ask for more. We talked of Japan's crisis, of World Wars, and of the world's wars. Stories of horses bought and sold, of weather on the west coast, and of parenting lessons. He's smart, reflective, well seasoned for this season of life. The timer on my rowing machine read 30 minutes, but I didn't care. I rowed on. And listened.

I'm appreciative that the Sentinel runs this blog as a monthly article. I've enjoyed many comments and conversations in the moving of the words from virtual to print. I even received a hand-written note from a former high school teacher, saying that the articles are appreciated and that she uses them in her class to provoke discussion. In her humility, there wasn't mention of the articles being fruits of her (and so many other teachers and mentors) seeding. Gardens of education grown up. Lessons of life being passed on, cultivated, nourished.

A recent headline read, Exercising gets more important with age (Lloyd, Janice, USA Today). The article talked of the importance of continued physical activity as people age for improved physical health and longevity. Conversely, I'd offer another thought headline, The aged are important for our exercise. There is a component of wellness that is found in the circle of giving back, those with more wisdom and experience and life pouring back into those of us with so much left to learn. The rowing helps my heart beat stronger, the conversation with someone whose walked more life than I helps my mind grow deeper.

Health and wellness is found in not only the physical, but the emotional, social, and spiritual. The next time you invest in exercise, carve out time to step beyond a solitary regiment of activity. Consider adding to your workout the opportunity to seek out and listen to the aged, the seasoned, the experienced. Proverbs 2:2-3 reads, "Tune your ears to wisdom, and concentrate on understanding. Cry out for insight and ask for understanding."

Much to the chagrin of my wife, I am not home improvement guy. My construction of the widow seats would have consisted of calling for price quotes. But, on this day, I was glad that I'm not skilled in carpentry. I learned more from watching and the lessons had nothing to do with woodworking.

Connecting to Better Health

I recently had a business lunch meeting at a local restaurant. I noticed two couples eating at adjacent tables. At one table, a couple sat across from each other and the silence was only broken when they ordered and asked for more napkins. At another table, a couple sat on the same side of the table (a rarity in our culture) and talked throughout the meal. While I am not aware of the circumstances surrounding either meal, the observable difference was in the connection between the individuals. When my wife and I were dating, I would take her to breakfast and I'd buy a newspaper beforehand to read during the meal. Over time, she taught me that it was important to her that we use that time to connect, not isolate and read. To this day, when we go out to dinner as a family, my tendency is to allow the kids to take the video games and for me to manage the chaos until the meal is over. My wife leans toward leaving the video games at home, everyone being present, and sharing about the happenings of our days (and sometimes intentionally allowing some chaos to occur)! The difference is in the opportunity that we're giving our family to connect.

My pastor friend often talks of the life cycle of someone new to church. They'll come, they may like what they find and stay, and they may even check out a program or two. This will last for some time, but the engagement will fade unless there is a deeper connection. To this end, people are encouraged to join a community group or commit to serving in a ministry area. If they find a deeper connection in community, they stay. If they don't connect with others, they eventually move on.

A recent article in the New York Times asked if gyms are passe (New York Times, Catherine Saint Louis, January 26, 2001)? One gym owner said this, "Now everybody is plugged in... now they come to disassociate themselves from everyone... it's killing the health club..." The article goes on the argue that while there is a market for the anti-social approach to fitness, that socializing is still the key to long-term exercise success. Casey Conrad, a fitness industry consultant says, "There's no question that the social element is a huge, huge piece to getting participation. I travel a lot, and when I miss a yoga class [at my gym], they are like, 'Casey, where have you been?" Other industry experts reported that people have to have the opportunity to be challenged while connecting in a meaningful way to others. A personal trainer stated that the environment was important, but ultimately, "It's about connection."

If your exercise resolutions are fading and your commitments to wellness are waning, try connecting for better health. In each community that you are a part of, find a way to connect at a deeper level. Find a gym where you can work out while also connecting to others in am meaningful way. When you go out to eat, make healthy food choices by choosing fresh, nutritionally rich menu options while also making healthy relational choices by leaving the newspaper at home and connecting with the person that you are with.

The Healthiest People I Know

There is a group of people that frequent the Y who are fondly referred to as the breakfast bunch. They spend a few hours at the Y most weekday mornings, but physical exercise occupies only a portion of their time. They arrive before sunrise and warmly greet each other, making small talk with the Y staff along the way. They each get their workout in, ranging from shooting hoops to lap swimming to visiting the Fitness Center. After showering, they gather at the tables in the lobby and wind down the morning sharing about their weeks, their families, and their lives. Sometimes, they follow up their Y visit by going out to breakfast. They enjoy their time together. I believe this is the healthiest group of people at the Y.

In spite of technology that allows us to connect with more people, more efficiently, we are a society of individuals becoming increasingly isolated. Busy schedules prevent deepening relationships and friendships become categorized networks. This is unhealthy.

Scientifically, we began to see the ill effects of isolation from Dr. Lisa Berman's Alameda County Study (originally published 1979). In the study, her team looked at the lives of 7,000 people in Alameda County over 9 years. They studied the quantity (number of relationships) and quality (depth of relationships) that these people had developed. In short, the study showed that the most isolated people were three times more likely to die versus those with stronger, healthier social bonds. Variables proved irrelevant, both in age and lifestyle. "The protective value of connection [relationships] showed, under statistical multivariate analysis, to be present in all ages [30-69]... [and] even in the presence of health hazards such as smoking, obesity, alcohol use, poverty, poor use of health services, and poor health at the start of the study, people who had strong social ties lived significantly longer than those who did not." (Hallowell, Edward M. Connect).

The key to those who were most healthy and lived longer were those who had several kinds of connections. These included churches, family, friends, clubs, service groups, and similar social organizations. The connections varied from person to person, but ultimately the more deep relationships, the better. Those who were in the most danger of dying were the 10-15% who were most isolated. Similar studies conducted internationally have replicated these findings over the past 30 years. (Hallowell, Connect).

There is a retired couple who comes into the Y daily. During my first days working at the Y, the gentleman (always recognizable in Miami Hurricanes gear) yelled across the lobby, "Who are you?" I introduced myself. "Well, Tuckey," he said, "the coffee pot is not getting as hot as it used to. Fix that and you'll have done something around here." Since that time, we've developed a friendship. We talk regularly about faith, sports, and heating systems. These folks will tell you that they come to this place for exercise, but most importantly they come here to visit their "family." Their friends are here. Their loved ones are here. And the Y wouldn't be the same place without them.

In a recent health journal, two BYU professors reported that social connections can improve our odds of survival by 50 percent (PLoS Medicine). According to them, social isolation or low social interaction compares to these well known risk factors: smoking 15 cigarettes a day, alcoholism, more harmful than not exercising, and twice as harmful as obesity.

Will finding a new friend solve your health challenges and ensure a long life? Not necessarily. However, science continues to show that investing in people, valuing relationships, and dedicating time to listening to and learning from others is emotionally and physically beneficial. Humans are hard wired for personal and supernatural connections. Eat healthy, exercise, and don't starve yourself of relationships. It all matters.

The Direct Impact of United Way

This summer a Mother and her children came to the front desk of The Carlisle Family YMCA. They had a simple request … would we please allow them to take a shower? The staff member on duty realized they were in great need and gave them towels to use and access to our showers. Afterwards she struck up a conversation with the mother and learned that Mom had brought her family to Carlisle with the hope of a fresh start. Unfortunately, she was having trouble finding a place to live without a job …she needed a safe place for her children while she searched for work … and they were currently living in their car because Mom was almost out of money.

The YMCA staff member told her about our camp scholarship program funded through United Way contributions. Her current situation made her children eligible to receive scholarships to attend one of our summer camp programs. She could register the kids for camp and they could make friends and have fun while Mom looked for a job. She registered them that very day.

The staff member also referred Mom to other United Way agencies that could help them …. Safe Harbour for temporary housing for her family ….and My Brother’s Table and Project Share for nutritious meals. Mom was incredibly grateful for the help that was available to her family during their time of need because of your contributions to the United Way Campaign.

Can you imagine the positive impact United Way funding had on this family? Can you imagine the outcome of this story if there wasn’t United Way funding to support these services?

The Carlisle Family YMCA is just one of the many United Way agencies who each day, provide basic and necessary services to people in need.

Your contributions to United Way gave this story a happy ending. The kids had a great summer, Mom found a job and also an apartment for the family.

Stories like this one, which I witness every day, are why I give to the United Way Campaign. I urge you to give generously to the United Way of Carlisle and Cumberland County. I thank you on behalf of all those people whose lives you will touch through your generosity.

Developing Leaders Locally

Recently, there are international efforts which are increasing their focus on developing young leaders so that they are well equipped to combat the global challenges of our age including poverty, AIDS, and social injustice. This is evidenced by the recently held Sixth Annual Youth Assembly at the United Nations who encouraged adolescents with the theme of, Vision. Passion. Action. The Carlisle Family YMCA is leading innovative programming to develop young talent locally, housing their renewed efforts at the 78-year-old Camp Thompson.

The Leadership-In-Training Program is a 2-week residential opportunity for 15-16 year old campers. Justin Rose, Camp Director, says, “Developmental goals of the program include leadership components of; time management, organization, conflict resolution, initiative, public speaking, and listening. These valuable tools are beneficial in more than the camp community; they’re tools to be used for life.” Working in small groups, teens develop leadership skills, experience group work in activities like rock climbing; and participate in a service project during their 3-4 day back-packing or canoe trip. Participants must satisfactorily complete 80% of a leadership manual filled with tasks and challenges. Throughout the week, participants are immersed in leadership dialogue, role play, and practical application scenarios. The week culminates with participants delivering a public speech about their experience. Many participants progress into the Counselor-in-Training program, equipping them to work as Camp Counselors as they are eligible. For some, the week provides basic opportunities to identify strengths and weaknesses while facilitating relationship-building and socialization. For others, the experience is life-changing.

One parent describes this transformational experience this way, “Being a teenager is a pivotal time in a person's life when he or she is trying to figure out 'a place to stand' in this world. At fourteen, my daughter Emily was no different, so I suggested she try leadership camp offered through the Carlisle YMCA.

This experience proved to be one of the turning points in her life. She was taught how to plan, implement and evaluate service projects. She was given opportunities to
learn teambuilding skills and encouraged to make a difference in her
community. Following that summer, in ninth grade, she ran for president of
her class and won. In tenth grade, she started the interact service club and
continued being president of the club until she graduated. In addition to
becoming involved with international service projects, she was able to get other clubs in her school to all work together on various community initiatives. As a junior, she attended the Rotary Leadership Camp and continued to grow her skills.

As a result of all her experiences, she secured a Community Leadership scholarship at Point Park University, where she continues to be involved in leadership activities and community service. I thank the Carlisle Family YMCA and Leadership Camp for helping to inspire my daughter to become the caring and capable person she is today and hope that other teens can take advantage of this life enhancing opportunity."

The YMCA recognizes that global change begins as the most basic level – in our homes and in our communities. The Leadership In Training program embodies this concept, investing in area youth as the building blocks of social change.