There is a group of people that frequent the Y who are fondly referred to as the breakfast bunch. They spend a few hours at the Y most weekday mornings, but physical exercise occupies only a portion of their time. They arrive before sunrise and warmly greet each other, making small talk with the Y staff along the way. They each get their workout in, ranging from shooting hoops to lap swimming to visiting the Fitness Center. After showering, they gather at the tables in the lobby and wind down the morning sharing about their weeks, their families, and their lives. Sometimes, they follow up their Y visit by going out to breakfast. They enjoy their time together. I believe this is the healthiest group of people at the Y.
In spite of technology that allows us to connect with more people, more efficiently, we are a society of individuals becoming increasingly isolated. Busy schedules prevent deepening relationships and friendships become categorized networks. This is unhealthy.
Scientifically, we began to see the ill effects of isolation from Dr. Lisa Berman's Alameda County Study (originally published 1979). In the study, her team looked at the lives of 7,000 people in Alameda County over 9 years. They studied the quantity (number of relationships) and quality (depth of relationships) that these people had developed. In short, the study showed that the most isolated people were three times more likely to die versus those with stronger, healthier social bonds. Variables proved irrelevant, both in age and lifestyle. "The protective value of connection [relationships] showed, under statistical multivariate analysis, to be present in all ages [30-69]... [and] even in the presence of health hazards such as smoking, obesity, alcohol use, poverty, poor use of health services, and poor health at the start of the study, people who had strong social ties lived significantly longer than those who did not." (Hallowell, Edward M. Connect).
The key to those who were most healthy and lived longer were those who had several kinds of connections. These included churches, family, friends, clubs, service groups, and similar social organizations. The connections varied from person to person, but ultimately the more deep relationships, the better. Those who were in the most danger of dying were the 10-15% who were most isolated. Similar studies conducted internationally have replicated these findings over the past 30 years. (Hallowell, Connect).
There is a retired couple who comes into the Y daily. During my first days working at the Y, the gentleman (always recognizable in Miami Hurricanes gear) yelled across the lobby, "Who are you?" I introduced myself. "Well, Tuckey," he said, "the coffee pot is not getting as hot as it used to. Fix that and you'll have done something around here." Since that time, we've developed a friendship. We talk regularly about faith, sports, and heating systems. These folks will tell you that they come to this place for exercise, but most importantly they come here to visit their "family." Their friends are here. Their loved ones are here. And the Y wouldn't be the same place without them.
In a recent health journal, two BYU professors reported that social connections can improve our odds of survival by 50 percent (PLoS Medicine). According to them, social isolation or low social interaction compares to these well known risk factors: smoking 15 cigarettes a day, alcoholism, more harmful than not exercising, and twice as harmful as obesity.
Will finding a new friend solve your health challenges and ensure a long life? Not necessarily. However, science continues to show that investing in people, valuing relationships, and dedicating time to listening to and learning from others is emotionally and physically beneficial. Humans are hard wired for personal and supernatural connections. Eat healthy, exercise, and don't starve yourself of relationships. It all matters.
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Confessions of an Addict
I have two rules when it comes to the latest technology. First, I don't jump in during the first wave of hype. I longed for a smart phone for two years before I bought one. I wait. I watch. I study. And then I make my decision. Second, I am brand-loyal to a fault. I'm a Blackberry guy. And while their market share is dwindling and their stock price is plummeting, I'm still all in. I'll loyally stick with my Blackberry until it goes the way of vinyl records and rotary phones.
In any case, once I'm in, I'm dedicated. I love technology. I communicate via my Blackberry, I share a schedule with my wife on Google Calendar, and I Tweet - even though no one wants to follow me.
On the surface, this can be a good thing. Technology certainly allows me to be more efficient, process information faster, respond more promptly, and get more things done in a day. Beneath the surface, it's a drug. At it's worst, I'm not present with my wife because my eyes are glued to the blinking red light on my phone indicating that important information awaits. I miss a "Dad, watch this" moment with my kids because the alluring buzzing of the phone is distracting me. I am disrespectful to others in meetings because the words on my phone become seemingly more important than the words being spoken.
Once again, it's not the thing (tech junkie) as much as it's the thing beneath the thing. At times, my addiction to technology can be a manifestation of narcissism, materialism, and escapism. The deeper issues are observed in the symptoms of tech-driven distraction and isolation. Unresolved, they pull us away from the human and supernatural relationships that our souls desire. An addiction to the digital world can be a very unhealthy lifestyle, socially, emotionally, spiritually, and physically.
Howard Mann, author of Your Business Backyard, says "... We've become slaves to our mobile devices and the glow of our screens.... We walk the streets with our heads down staring into 3-inch screens while the world whisks by doing the same. And yet we're convinced we are more connected to each other than ever before. Multi-tasking has become a badge of honor. I want to know why."
I'm not proposing that we give up our digital devices. (The thought is unbearable for me). I am offering that we turn them off sometimes. Over the next 30 days, be challenged to miss the HD TV show for a hike with your family, listen to understand during your next meeting instead of reading emails during the discussion, turn the phone off from the time that you get home from work until the next morning, skip the digital home workout for one with others in a community like the Y, go outside - fall in PA is exceptional, or just be present with your friends and family - making someone feel valued by giving them your time and attention can be life changing.
My brother is a top-of-his-class, Management of Information Systems major at Penn State University. He lives and breathes the digital world. Yet, he'll always choose a phone call over an email when it matters most. He invests his time and focus into his fiance, not just plugging her into his schedule. He uses technology as a tool, but pours himself into relationships as a life. Maybe I'll text him and tell him how much I admire that.
In any case, once I'm in, I'm dedicated. I love technology. I communicate via my Blackberry, I share a schedule with my wife on Google Calendar, and I Tweet - even though no one wants to follow me.
On the surface, this can be a good thing. Technology certainly allows me to be more efficient, process information faster, respond more promptly, and get more things done in a day. Beneath the surface, it's a drug. At it's worst, I'm not present with my wife because my eyes are glued to the blinking red light on my phone indicating that important information awaits. I miss a "Dad, watch this" moment with my kids because the alluring buzzing of the phone is distracting me. I am disrespectful to others in meetings because the words on my phone become seemingly more important than the words being spoken.
Once again, it's not the thing (tech junkie) as much as it's the thing beneath the thing. At times, my addiction to technology can be a manifestation of narcissism, materialism, and escapism. The deeper issues are observed in the symptoms of tech-driven distraction and isolation. Unresolved, they pull us away from the human and supernatural relationships that our souls desire. An addiction to the digital world can be a very unhealthy lifestyle, socially, emotionally, spiritually, and physically.
Howard Mann, author of Your Business Backyard, says "... We've become slaves to our mobile devices and the glow of our screens.... We walk the streets with our heads down staring into 3-inch screens while the world whisks by doing the same. And yet we're convinced we are more connected to each other than ever before. Multi-tasking has become a badge of honor. I want to know why."
I'm not proposing that we give up our digital devices. (The thought is unbearable for me). I am offering that we turn them off sometimes. Over the next 30 days, be challenged to miss the HD TV show for a hike with your family, listen to understand during your next meeting instead of reading emails during the discussion, turn the phone off from the time that you get home from work until the next morning, skip the digital home workout for one with others in a community like the Y, go outside - fall in PA is exceptional, or just be present with your friends and family - making someone feel valued by giving them your time and attention can be life changing.
My brother is a top-of-his-class, Management of Information Systems major at Penn State University. He lives and breathes the digital world. Yet, he'll always choose a phone call over an email when it matters most. He invests his time and focus into his fiance, not just plugging her into his schedule. He uses technology as a tool, but pours himself into relationships as a life. Maybe I'll text him and tell him how much I admire that.
Friday, August 6, 2010
Dog Days of Summer
When my wife brought up the idea of getting a dog, I was quick to respond.
"Not a chance," I said. "We have two boys under 6 years old, home repairs, volunteer at our church, and both hold jobs. We're too busy for a dog... can't afford a dog... can't take on more responsibility right now..." At this point, she was no longer listening but, my point was still going to be made. Sure, our boys said they'd help take care of the dog, but I know how that goes. Everyone would cozy up to the pup until it's 10 degrees in February. Then who would be outside chiseling the ice hardened doggie doo off of the walk? It would be me, while the rest of the dog lovers sit inside and sip hot chocolate. No dog.
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention recently released the results of a survey that says more than 30% of people are obese in 9 states. In 2007 only 3 states reported obesity levels that high. Mississippi reported the highest levels with 34.4% of the folks obese (USA Today, August 3, 2010). Must be that southern-fried goodness.
Overall, the data suggests that approximately 27% of adults in America are obese. We know that the obesity rate is growing as is the associated health issues which include increased risks of heart disease, type 2 diabetes, cancer, and other diseases.
"Obesity is common, serious and costly and affects virtually every system in the adult body," says William Dietz, director of the CDC's Division of Nutrition, Physical Activity and Obesity.
We know the disease (obesity is defined as being 30 pounds over a healthy weight) and we understand the remedy (healthy eating and increased activity). Yet, we just can't put down the cookies. Why?
I thought my wife was appeasing the kids who had been pining for a dog when she asked if we could go visit a dog living with a foster family nearby that she found through Furry Friends Network.
"Let's just visit." She said with pitiful eyes.
"OK with me," I said obligingly, "but, we're still not getting a dog."
Food has become an opiate for the masses in our country. However, we know that it's not really about the food. Food simply becomes something that we shove in our face to try and fill whatever void we have in our lives. Similar to any other addiction, food becomes our crutch. Author Tim Keller calls these things idols that are our functional saviors, the things that we use to save us on a daily basis.
A pastor friend of mine often asks, "what's the thing beneath the thing?" Food is just the thing. It's not obesity, that's a symptom. The disease is rooted much deeper in our own social and emotional issues for which we turn to food to dull the pain - this is the thing beneath the thing.
On the ride home from the foster family, my wife and our two boys were talking delightfully of how Sophie the dog, was just the perfect fit for our family.
"A dog would be great for the boys." My wife said, now turning up the pressure. "It would teach them responsibility. And would cause us to slow down, stay at home more often, spend more time together."
I started to crack, "I don't know..."
Social networks and healthy personal relationships help us find the thing beneath the thing. We need human interaction for encouragement. We seek connectedness for understanding. We require friendships that hold us accountable and challenge us to grow and move forward. We long for relationship with something bigger than ourselves for purpose and meaning. When these relationships are lost in the business of our lives, other things like hopelessness and loss of identity can take root. Too often we feed these unhealthy emotions with fast food and fried chicken to numb ourselves from feeling anything at all.
Any healthy relationship, even those with pets help us become healthier. There are many studies (Can Owning a Pet Help You Live Longer? Mgrath, Jane) that show pet owners are less likely to die from heart disease and other ailments. Why? Even an inhuman relationship helps us deal with our stuff which helps us reduce our stress.
If weight is an issue for you, start with a healthier diet and add more physical activity to your day. But, don't stop there. Find the thing beneath the thing. Dig up the roots of what's causing you to use food as your daily savior. Do it with others. Share your struggle with an old friend. Engage in a healthy community like the Y and meet new friends. Connect with someone in a deeper way to cultivate a new relationship. Join a support group. Or, adopt a pet.
Sophie has thrown up on our carpet twice. The doggie doo doesn't get picked up everyday. There is dog hair on the couch. But, our family rescured a pet together and became closer through the process. Our boys have become more responsible. We stay home more often. The dog has allowed us to just be together more and that's a healthy thing for all of us.
If you see me on a dreary, wet, and cold February morning walking a dog, know that it is worth it. I'll be returning soon to a smiling familiy making hot chocolate who know through experience that relationships matter.
"Not a chance," I said. "We have two boys under 6 years old, home repairs, volunteer at our church, and both hold jobs. We're too busy for a dog... can't afford a dog... can't take on more responsibility right now..." At this point, she was no longer listening but, my point was still going to be made. Sure, our boys said they'd help take care of the dog, but I know how that goes. Everyone would cozy up to the pup until it's 10 degrees in February. Then who would be outside chiseling the ice hardened doggie doo off of the walk? It would be me, while the rest of the dog lovers sit inside and sip hot chocolate. No dog.
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention recently released the results of a survey that says more than 30% of people are obese in 9 states. In 2007 only 3 states reported obesity levels that high. Mississippi reported the highest levels with 34.4% of the folks obese (USA Today, August 3, 2010). Must be that southern-fried goodness.
Overall, the data suggests that approximately 27% of adults in America are obese. We know that the obesity rate is growing as is the associated health issues which include increased risks of heart disease, type 2 diabetes, cancer, and other diseases.
"Obesity is common, serious and costly and affects virtually every system in the adult body," says William Dietz, director of the CDC's Division of Nutrition, Physical Activity and Obesity.
We know the disease (obesity is defined as being 30 pounds over a healthy weight) and we understand the remedy (healthy eating and increased activity). Yet, we just can't put down the cookies. Why?
I thought my wife was appeasing the kids who had been pining for a dog when she asked if we could go visit a dog living with a foster family nearby that she found through Furry Friends Network.
"Let's just visit." She said with pitiful eyes.
"OK with me," I said obligingly, "but, we're still not getting a dog."
Food has become an opiate for the masses in our country. However, we know that it's not really about the food. Food simply becomes something that we shove in our face to try and fill whatever void we have in our lives. Similar to any other addiction, food becomes our crutch. Author Tim Keller calls these things idols that are our functional saviors, the things that we use to save us on a daily basis.
A pastor friend of mine often asks, "what's the thing beneath the thing?" Food is just the thing. It's not obesity, that's a symptom. The disease is rooted much deeper in our own social and emotional issues for which we turn to food to dull the pain - this is the thing beneath the thing.
On the ride home from the foster family, my wife and our two boys were talking delightfully of how Sophie the dog, was just the perfect fit for our family.
"A dog would be great for the boys." My wife said, now turning up the pressure. "It would teach them responsibility. And would cause us to slow down, stay at home more often, spend more time together."
I started to crack, "I don't know..."
Social networks and healthy personal relationships help us find the thing beneath the thing. We need human interaction for encouragement. We seek connectedness for understanding. We require friendships that hold us accountable and challenge us to grow and move forward. We long for relationship with something bigger than ourselves for purpose and meaning. When these relationships are lost in the business of our lives, other things like hopelessness and loss of identity can take root. Too often we feed these unhealthy emotions with fast food and fried chicken to numb ourselves from feeling anything at all.
Any healthy relationship, even those with pets help us become healthier. There are many studies (Can Owning a Pet Help You Live Longer? Mgrath, Jane) that show pet owners are less likely to die from heart disease and other ailments. Why? Even an inhuman relationship helps us deal with our stuff which helps us reduce our stress.
If weight is an issue for you, start with a healthier diet and add more physical activity to your day. But, don't stop there. Find the thing beneath the thing. Dig up the roots of what's causing you to use food as your daily savior. Do it with others. Share your struggle with an old friend. Engage in a healthy community like the Y and meet new friends. Connect with someone in a deeper way to cultivate a new relationship. Join a support group. Or, adopt a pet.
Sophie has thrown up on our carpet twice. The doggie doo doesn't get picked up everyday. There is dog hair on the couch. But, our family rescured a pet together and became closer through the process. Our boys have become more responsible. We stay home more often. The dog has allowed us to just be together more and that's a healthy thing for all of us.
If you see me on a dreary, wet, and cold February morning walking a dog, know that it is worth it. I'll be returning soon to a smiling familiy making hot chocolate who know through experience that relationships matter.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Does Community Matter?
In his book, Outliers, Malcom Gladwell theorizes that culture, community, and context play a significantly greater determining factor in success than we typically imagine. Most often, we focus on the direct parallel between achievement and individual talent or work ethic.
In the early pages of the book, Gladwell looks at a town of early 20th century immigrants from a village in Italy who avoided the high rates of heart disease that many Americans over age 65 face. It wasn't behavioral trends or genetics that made the difference. Rather it was a "powerful, protective social structure capable of insulating them from the pressures of the modern world."
This is fascinating. A community of healthy personal interactions, strong relationships, and a deep sense of connectedness created a group of people that defied one of the most prominent dieseases in our country.
Does community matter? Apparently, it does.
I like that story and the overall theme of Outliers as I think it's a great illustration of the work that we're trying to do at the YMCA. Individual physical, social, emotional, and spiritual growth is important and we try to create programs and services that provide opportunities for that. However, there is a deeper theme of community that's interwoven throughout what the YMCA offers. It's about families sharing experiences together at Family Camp. It's about the early bird group of seniors enjoying coffee together after their workout and talking about life. It's about preschoolers learning the importance of being active while being exposed to other cultures and languages - and doing this with their parents. It's about buidling a stronger community through fostering healthy relationships.
I'd like to think that at the YMCA we work to provide an environment that builds strong kids and strong families through a community that offers a bit of a "powerful, protective social structure capable of insulating [us] from the pressures of the modern world."
In the early pages of the book, Gladwell looks at a town of early 20th century immigrants from a village in Italy who avoided the high rates of heart disease that many Americans over age 65 face. It wasn't behavioral trends or genetics that made the difference. Rather it was a "powerful, protective social structure capable of insulating them from the pressures of the modern world."
This is fascinating. A community of healthy personal interactions, strong relationships, and a deep sense of connectedness created a group of people that defied one of the most prominent dieseases in our country.
Does community matter? Apparently, it does.
I like that story and the overall theme of Outliers as I think it's a great illustration of the work that we're trying to do at the YMCA. Individual physical, social, emotional, and spiritual growth is important and we try to create programs and services that provide opportunities for that. However, there is a deeper theme of community that's interwoven throughout what the YMCA offers. It's about families sharing experiences together at Family Camp. It's about the early bird group of seniors enjoying coffee together after their workout and talking about life. It's about preschoolers learning the importance of being active while being exposed to other cultures and languages - and doing this with their parents. It's about buidling a stronger community through fostering healthy relationships.
I'd like to think that at the YMCA we work to provide an environment that builds strong kids and strong families through a community that offers a bit of a "powerful, protective social structure capable of insulating [us] from the pressures of the modern world."
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