We have a perfectly suitable television that sits above our fireplace. It's proportionally appropriate and serves the viewing needs of our family well. Every few months I battle the staggering desire to buy the beast, the behemoth screen that will overwhelm my senses and offer life-size action. We don't need it, but everything around me and inside of me screams that a bigger TV could, in some way, make my life better. However, if I were to impulse buy, we would be making a purchase we couldn't afford and likely sacrificing something that would serve our family better (although it's difficult to imagine what that could be).
We are a nation that loves the big. The bigger the better. 'Go big or go home' is a famous mantra. Reality TV is riddled with 'can-you-eat-this-much' challenges. On July 4, I watched the Coney Island Hot Day Eating Contest with my children. It was difficult for me to explain to them why the contest was unhealthy and wasteful, yet throngs of people cheered them on (and I was mesmerized). The sponsoring company of the contest did donate a truck load of food to the local food bank, so there was some altruism to counterbalance the waste.
A recent study noted average home sizes around the world for newly constructed units since 2003. Ireland, Spain, and France came in around 1,000 square feet. The United States led the way with an average home size of 2,300 square feet. In spite of the greatest wave of bank defaults and house foreclosures in history, we continue to build the largest homes in the world.
Alongside our big homes, we like big cars. To the end of protecting the environment, the small-car craze is sweeping Asia and Europe. A leading anthropologist says that the United States' love for the big, gas-guzzling SUV will prevent us from following suit. According to the article, the big vehicle speaks to our identify as a person offering a sense of power and control that is deeply ingrained in our psyche. The vehicle buying decision is not always driven by affordability or transportation needs, but rather what we believe the vehicle says about us. The alluring big offers perceived power without regard to practicality.
It's well noted that Americans love to super size our food as well. A new study concludes that the obesity epidemic in American is largely driven by over-consumption. The researcher states that to return to the average weights of the 1970s, we'd need to reduce our daily caloric intake by about 350 calories per day for children (one can of soda) and 500 calories for adults (one hamburger). The study recognizes the significance of physical activity and other variables, but argues that public policy should be shifted toward encouraging people to eat less, to stop going big.
In addition to our big homes, big cars, and big meals, we are trending toward capacity-busting schedules as well. In most communities, an all-you-can-fit-into-your-schedule buffet of activity options exist for children. Many are great opportunities for youth development. And my generation is full of parents wanting to be everything to everyone, including our children. Again, bigger isn't always better. The potential negative effects of over-scheduled kids has been documented and debated. Recently, the potential negative effects of over-scheduled kids on parents has been exposed as well. Parents, trying to give their children experience-rich environments, are in danger of adding time, financial, and expectation stress to their own lives. And children are mirroring their parents stress. Relationally-rich environments may be the better alternative.
The YMCA of the USA states that healthy homes are built on 5 pillars. They include eating healthy, playing everyday, getting together (particularly one-on-one time), going outside, and sleeping well. It's notable that each of these pillars can be built at low or no cost, include a relational component, and have nothing to do with going bigger or extreme.
My pastor friend says that our country has this insatiable appetite for more. It's a gnawing deep within us that hungers for the big. Ironically, our habits of over-indulgence do little to fill this desire. This soul-deep clamoring for more is met in the simple, the antithesis of big.
A thankful heart is one antidote to our addiction to big. Ann Voskamp says, "... real men let go of self-sufficiency and know it's all pure grace and pull it straight out into lifestyle, wholesale thanksgiving."
A peaceful center pushes back the pursuit of the big. A pastor's wife, recently reminded me of this. "Rest," she posted on Facebook, "doesn't mean an absence of activity! It is understanding the Peace comes from the inside out -- fixing our eyes on God and leaning into [Him]"
Simplicity casts off the weight of the big as well. In Walden, Thoreau speaks to this. "It is desirable that a man live in all respects so simply and preparedly that if an enemy take the town.... he can walk out the gate empty-handed and without anxiety." Leo Barbauta concurs. "Each day is a journey, and we load ourselves up with material possessions, with tasks and projects, with things to read and write, with meetings and calls and texts. [The big]. Our hands are full, not ready for anything new. Drop everything... enter each day empty-handed, and full-hearted."
I'll continue to battle the urge to buy the bigger TV. And, on a good day, I'll work to say no to the advertisers and yes to the blessings all around, each so extravagantly simple.
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Dinner for Six
Kelly Chripczuk guest-posts reflective Y thoughts below on work, play, and social responsibility. Kelly is a pastor to many, mother of four, and a blogger (A Field of Wild Flowers).
It started in a moment of frustration as so many things do when I find myself home alone with four young children during the “witching hour” of 4 to 5 pm. I was buzzing around the house tossing cereal in front of the twins in their highchairs and ferrying snacks to the older two who were camped-out in front of the TV while also trying to make dinner.
Chop, chop, chop, . . . scrape go onions into the pan. Grab another handful of cheerios for the babies. Turn, and chop, chop, chop, . . . scrape go carrots. Then the call from the front room, “Can we have some more snack . . . and some juice, please?”
Something snapped in me as I marched out, two glasses of watered-down juice in hand. I proclaimed, with a slight edge to my voice, “Someday you guys are going to cook dinner and I’m going to sit and watch TV while you do all the work.” I was half-teasing, half- exasperated and didn’t expect my kids to turn with wide-eyed looks and exclaim, “Really? Can we?”
* * * * * *
We just recently finished reading the book, Farmer Boy, with our kids. It tells the story of one year in the life of Almanzo, an eight year old boy who lives in the early 1800s. It was a slow book, mostly full of long, tedious descriptions of farm equipment, chores and food, but my kids loved it. When I asked what they liked best they both said, “The corn part.”
The book tells of a night, very late in the spring, where the farm experiences unexpectedly low temperatures. The father wakes the whole family, from the oldest to the youngest, to try to save the corn crop from a killing frost. Almanzo, along with his brother and sisters, stumbles out of bed and into the cold, dark night. They pump barrels of water and ride to the corn fields. Each member of the household runs continually through the fields, filling a small bucket with water and pouring a little on every young plant. If they can wet the corn before the sun hits it, the crop will be saved.
As we read Farmer Boy I was struck by the significant role children used to play in their families. Almanzo works along-side his parents in nearly every task and his help matters. No one would argue that it’s a good thing that we’ve left the days when children dropped out of school to help on the family farm. But I wonder if many modern kids aren’t missing something crucial to the development of a healthy sense of responsibility and self-esteem. Is it possible that deeper than their desire to be waited on hand and foot, my children also have the desire to be part of a loving, grace-filled community where their contributions are needed and valued?
* * * * * *
Since reading Farmer Boy I’ve started giving my kids more jobs to do around the house. I asked them both to empty the dishwasher the other day and a few minutes later I found my son sitting on the counter-top next to a teetering stack of dishes. The whole stack slid into motion just as I rushed across the room to catch them. Sure, there are more messes and many things go slower and end up being more work than if I just did them myself, but the look of pride on my six-year-old’s face as she makes her own sandwich or serves up a bowl of cereal for her brother makes it worth it.
I want to give my kids a chance to be part of something bigger than themselves, but this often starts with letting them be part of the little things of life. I want them to know that their willingness to contribute and pitch-in when and where they can (or even if they think they can’t) is worth something. I’m hoping that this attitude is something they’ll carry with them as their awareness of the needs in the world, as well as their ability to meet them, increases.
Places like the Y and other social organizations do a great job giving back to and supporting their communities. It’s often through organizations like these that kids get their first exposure to the ways individuals and communities can impact the world around them. As individuals involved in the lives of young children, we also have unlimited opportunities to invite children into little acts of service that can help them grow in awareness of the value of their lives.
* * * * * *
So that’s how it came to be that my 4 and 6 year-old children will be cooking dinner at least one night this summer. It won’t be a Martha Stewart-esque moment of culinary delight. Instead it’s likely to be peanut-butter crackers served on paper plates on a sticky table. But however it turns out, we’ll let it be enough and enjoy the sense of pride and accomplishment they get from putting what they have to offer onto the table.
Monday, July 2, 2012
Resolving the Health Care Crisis
Few things stir up emotion and opinion like the recent health care debate. The line in the sand has been drawn and there is little toeing the line. Many people are either outraged or inspired and both can't wait until November. What's seemingly lost in all of the statistical sword fighting and op ed warfare is the fact that we have great control in resolving significant pieces of the health care crisis. We can change this, starting now.
Health care experts fear a dramatic increase in health care costs if nothing is done to mitigate America’s obesity crisis. A recent study projects that 42% of Americans may end up obese by 2030 (with 11% being severely obese). These figures could result in billions of new health care expenses. (Hellmich, Nanci, "Obesity Could Affect 42% of Americans by 2030", USA TODAY, 5/8/12).
This is old news; we know this. Seven years ago, Dr. Raphael Levey spoke at a health care summit and said, "A relatively small percentage of the population consumes the vast majority of the health-care budget for diseases that are very well known and by and large behavioral. Even as far back as when I was in medical school (Harvard, 1955) many articles demonstrated that 80% of the health-care budget was consumed by five behavioral issues." We know the issues: too much stress, smoking, and drinking; too little exercise and nutritionally rich foods. (Deutschman, Alan, "Change or Die," Fast Company, May 2005). Why is there such a wide action gap between knowing the issues and doing something about them?
We've known for decades that behavioral issues and lifestyle choices drive obesity and the associated diseases. Yet, we face statistical forecasts showing that almost half of our country may be obese in the not-too-distant future. Where is the disconnect? It's because fear doesn't motivate.
About 1.3 million heart patients have angioplasties and another 600,000 have bypass surgeries every year at a cost of approximately $30 billion. These are often short-term solutions to difficulties experienced by heart disease patients. Many return for additional surgeries and, according to reports, 90% of these patients have failed to switch to healthier lifestyles. However, a unique therapy approach has reversed these morbid statistics. What was the method? Doctors reframed the fear of dying into the joy of living. Patients found for themselves the joys in playing with their grandchildren in the park and the motivation swelled. A deeper meaning had to be found. And, as it was, the patients embraced hope and worked toward living rather than trying to escape death. (Deutschman, Alan, "Change or Die," Fast Company, May 2005).
Steve Denning reported on the ten happiest and the ten most hated jobs (Forbes, 9/12/11). Interestingly, the jobs with the better compensation and higher social statuses did not translate to increased happiness. (The happiest jobs included Clergy, Firefighters, and Physical Therapists. The most hated jobs included Director of Information Technology, Director of Sales and Marketing, and Product Manager). Denning states that the fundamental aspect of our careers, and our lives, is that they're meaningful. He states that the person living the life must be engaged by it and the work must be worthwhile. Again, fear doesn't motivate. The fear of not having enough, of a lack of provision, and of economic instability doesn't carry the sustainable drive that the joy of doing meaningful work fosters.
In a recent interview, author Ann Voskamp talks about the intense days of running a household of 8 while writing her best-selling book, One Thousand Gifts. (Olasky, Marvin, "The Write Way," World, 7/14/12) She said that she would write after the children were in bed from about 9 p.m. until 2 a.m. and then find a few hours of sleep for herself. Her husband, a farmer, was doing his work while also home schooling all of the children and doing many of the household chores. She said that when she felt that she couldn't continue that pace, her husband would encourage by reminding her that they believed this was God's chosen path for them. And they'd go on another day. Fear screamed for surrender, but didn't motivate. In fact, fear faded in the light of meaningful, purposeful work as they believed in a Greater Story.
The health care debate is loud. The trump card of fear is routinely played by those hoping to scare the opposition into folding. Maybe it's time we leave the playing table and step away from the game because we know that fear doesn't motivate. Instead, let's propose a platform of purpose. Let's promote change by encouraging others to embrace the joy of living, find comfort in community, and seek life transformation.
To a significant extent, we can control health care costs by caring for ourselves and others well. Deep happiness can be found in our careers by engaging in meaningful work and serving others. And we can persevere by finding purpose beyond ourselves and pointing others to the same.
Health care experts fear a dramatic increase in health care costs if nothing is done to mitigate America’s obesity crisis. A recent study projects that 42% of Americans may end up obese by 2030 (with 11% being severely obese). These figures could result in billions of new health care expenses. (Hellmich, Nanci, "Obesity Could Affect 42% of Americans by 2030", USA TODAY, 5/8/12).
This is old news; we know this. Seven years ago, Dr. Raphael Levey spoke at a health care summit and said, "A relatively small percentage of the population consumes the vast majority of the health-care budget for diseases that are very well known and by and large behavioral. Even as far back as when I was in medical school (Harvard, 1955) many articles demonstrated that 80% of the health-care budget was consumed by five behavioral issues." We know the issues: too much stress, smoking, and drinking; too little exercise and nutritionally rich foods. (Deutschman, Alan, "Change or Die," Fast Company, May 2005). Why is there such a wide action gap between knowing the issues and doing something about them?
We've known for decades that behavioral issues and lifestyle choices drive obesity and the associated diseases. Yet, we face statistical forecasts showing that almost half of our country may be obese in the not-too-distant future. Where is the disconnect? It's because fear doesn't motivate.
About 1.3 million heart patients have angioplasties and another 600,000 have bypass surgeries every year at a cost of approximately $30 billion. These are often short-term solutions to difficulties experienced by heart disease patients. Many return for additional surgeries and, according to reports, 90% of these patients have failed to switch to healthier lifestyles. However, a unique therapy approach has reversed these morbid statistics. What was the method? Doctors reframed the fear of dying into the joy of living. Patients found for themselves the joys in playing with their grandchildren in the park and the motivation swelled. A deeper meaning had to be found. And, as it was, the patients embraced hope and worked toward living rather than trying to escape death. (Deutschman, Alan, "Change or Die," Fast Company, May 2005).
Steve Denning reported on the ten happiest and the ten most hated jobs (Forbes, 9/12/11). Interestingly, the jobs with the better compensation and higher social statuses did not translate to increased happiness. (The happiest jobs included Clergy, Firefighters, and Physical Therapists. The most hated jobs included Director of Information Technology, Director of Sales and Marketing, and Product Manager). Denning states that the fundamental aspect of our careers, and our lives, is that they're meaningful. He states that the person living the life must be engaged by it and the work must be worthwhile. Again, fear doesn't motivate. The fear of not having enough, of a lack of provision, and of economic instability doesn't carry the sustainable drive that the joy of doing meaningful work fosters.
In a recent interview, author Ann Voskamp talks about the intense days of running a household of 8 while writing her best-selling book, One Thousand Gifts. (Olasky, Marvin, "The Write Way," World, 7/14/12) She said that she would write after the children were in bed from about 9 p.m. until 2 a.m. and then find a few hours of sleep for herself. Her husband, a farmer, was doing his work while also home schooling all of the children and doing many of the household chores. She said that when she felt that she couldn't continue that pace, her husband would encourage by reminding her that they believed this was God's chosen path for them. And they'd go on another day. Fear screamed for surrender, but didn't motivate. In fact, fear faded in the light of meaningful, purposeful work as they believed in a Greater Story.
The health care debate is loud. The trump card of fear is routinely played by those hoping to scare the opposition into folding. Maybe it's time we leave the playing table and step away from the game because we know that fear doesn't motivate. Instead, let's propose a platform of purpose. Let's promote change by encouraging others to embrace the joy of living, find comfort in community, and seek life transformation.
To a significant extent, we can control health care costs by caring for ourselves and others well. Deep happiness can be found in our careers by engaging in meaningful work and serving others. And we can persevere by finding purpose beyond ourselves and pointing others to the same.
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Communicable Joy
I recently drove to the Y's scenic Camp Thompson on a Sunday afternoon. I was going there to talk with the Camp Koala folks about the Mentoring Project. Camp Koala facilitates a 3-day resident camp experience for children ages 7-12 grieving the loss of a parent or primary caregiver. While I was supportive of their work, I wasn't looking forward to the presentation. I envisioned such a camp to be heavy, thick with grief, and depressed. What I found was completely different, joyful in fact.
In a recent blog post, Margaret Feinberg writes, "... Harvard and MIT researchers documented that the spread of happiness (or sadness) is absolutely contagious, with spreading patterns very similar to communicable diseases like the flu." Many studies have already shown the positive holistic health effects of a positive attitude and joyful living. Feinberg identifies such examples from a BBC article that cites a group of psychologists who found that, "positive thinkers live 7.5 years longer than their more pessimistic counterparts. Have a positive attitude toward aging proved to have even greater effect than physiological measures like blood pressure and cholesterol. And a [another study] concluded that laughter helps blood vessels stay healthier."
I have a friend that directs a local food bank. A few weeks ago I saw her sitting in the lobby of the Y, while two others played the guitar and sang. My friend said that she was on her way into the Y for her workout, but "heard this beautiful music and decided to stop and sit for a bit and enjoy it." I believe in life lived slow, but as the practical realities of my day mount, I'm too easily lured by the temptress of the to-do list, often at the cost of stopping to enjoy the music for a bit. I saw a bumper sticker the other day that read, "Don't postpone joy." My food bank friend reminded me of this, her contagious appreciation of the moment.
I write often about this slower, joy-focused living, however it isn't my nature. I'm a skeptic. Most of my career, I've been in positions of risk management. I identify the negative, the what-ifs, and the worst case scenarios before they happen. My inclination is not to, as John Calvin said, "[see] sparks of His glory, as it were, glittering in every created thing." The negativity and discontent that's created from such a worldview can be suffocating. In turn, my writing on intentional living is, in a sense, a sermon to myself. A call to hold life loosely, breathe deeply, live fully, and look with wonder at the world around. I need daily reminders to do this. Eighteen months ago, my wife accepted author Ann Voskamp's dare to name, number, and journal 1,000 gifts of grace. I thought it was a quaint task for my sweet wife, but too Pollyanna for me. Her grace journaling was contagious. Today, I listed #920, "sitting on the deck after work and playing Zingo with my kids."
Camp Koala packed the Masland Dining Hall with campers, their families, counselors, therapists, and "big buddies." They smiled, they laughed, and they talked. They all seemed a bit giddy to me for those walking through a very difficult season of suffering. As part of their closing ceremonies, the campers and staff performed a song that they had written during their time at camp. The chorus, repeated often, said "as we celebrate our time together." These campers weren't hovering under a dark cloud of depression, they were bursting skyward in celebration of their memories of time with loved ones. This was evident in their smiling faces as they walked outside and released balloons attached with a note to their loved one lost. They looked up, breathed, released the balloons, and exhaled a contagious joy that I was blessed to be exposed.
In a recent blog post, Margaret Feinberg writes, "... Harvard and MIT researchers documented that the spread of happiness (or sadness) is absolutely contagious, with spreading patterns very similar to communicable diseases like the flu." Many studies have already shown the positive holistic health effects of a positive attitude and joyful living. Feinberg identifies such examples from a BBC article that cites a group of psychologists who found that, "positive thinkers live 7.5 years longer than their more pessimistic counterparts. Have a positive attitude toward aging proved to have even greater effect than physiological measures like blood pressure and cholesterol. And a [another study] concluded that laughter helps blood vessels stay healthier."
I have a friend that directs a local food bank. A few weeks ago I saw her sitting in the lobby of the Y, while two others played the guitar and sang. My friend said that she was on her way into the Y for her workout, but "heard this beautiful music and decided to stop and sit for a bit and enjoy it." I believe in life lived slow, but as the practical realities of my day mount, I'm too easily lured by the temptress of the to-do list, often at the cost of stopping to enjoy the music for a bit. I saw a bumper sticker the other day that read, "Don't postpone joy." My food bank friend reminded me of this, her contagious appreciation of the moment.
I write often about this slower, joy-focused living, however it isn't my nature. I'm a skeptic. Most of my career, I've been in positions of risk management. I identify the negative, the what-ifs, and the worst case scenarios before they happen. My inclination is not to, as John Calvin said, "[see] sparks of His glory, as it were, glittering in every created thing." The negativity and discontent that's created from such a worldview can be suffocating. In turn, my writing on intentional living is, in a sense, a sermon to myself. A call to hold life loosely, breathe deeply, live fully, and look with wonder at the world around. I need daily reminders to do this. Eighteen months ago, my wife accepted author Ann Voskamp's dare to name, number, and journal 1,000 gifts of grace. I thought it was a quaint task for my sweet wife, but too Pollyanna for me. Her grace journaling was contagious. Today, I listed #920, "sitting on the deck after work and playing Zingo with my kids."
Camp Koala packed the Masland Dining Hall with campers, their families, counselors, therapists, and "big buddies." They smiled, they laughed, and they talked. They all seemed a bit giddy to me for those walking through a very difficult season of suffering. As part of their closing ceremonies, the campers and staff performed a song that they had written during their time at camp. The chorus, repeated often, said "as we celebrate our time together." These campers weren't hovering under a dark cloud of depression, they were bursting skyward in celebration of their memories of time with loved ones. This was evident in their smiling faces as they walked outside and released balloons attached with a note to their loved one lost. They looked up, breathed, released the balloons, and exhaled a contagious joy that I was blessed to be exposed.
Monday, April 30, 2012
Life Lessons From My Kids
I'm a seasonal reader. I go through spurts of devouring books and then I put them down for a bit. Even if it's a terrible read, I force myself to finish a book that I start. This makes little sense outside of my own discipline. I can't force myself to move to an electronic reader, I appreciate hard copy books. I am currently reading books on Dietrich Bonhoeffer and John Wooden. In my youth, I used to read fiction. Now, I'm almost exclusively a reader of non-fiction books - mostly those on faith, life, and business or the interweaving of the three. I read these books, make notes, and discuss with others. Some have made an impact on my daily life. However, I'm often reminded that some of the greatest life lessons can be learned from children. Luckily, I have two boys to teach me great things. Recently, I've been enlightened to three principles integral to living life well, each taught to me by children.
On a recent spring afternoon, my two boys and I were walking through the parking lot, heading to the store. Brady, our four-year-old, stopped and said that he needed to go back to the car to get something. We circled back and opened the car. Brady crawled into the vehicle and came out wearing his bright orange construction goggles. He climbed out of the car and started again toward the store.
Me: "Why did you get those, Brady?"
Brady: "I wanted to wear them into the store."
Older Brother: "I don't think that you want to wear them in there, Brady, people will see you."
Brady: "I don't care, I like them."
We need to care much less about what people think of us and, instead, live life full, happy. If you're inclined to wear bright orange construction goggles into the store, then wear them proudly. Kirk Franklin said, "You want to be great? Stop trying to be liked."
If you haven't seen the You Tube video of Caine's Arcade yet, take ten minutes and watch it. This young man built an elaborate cardboard arcade in his father's used auto parts garage. I won't spoil the story, but in short, Caine never gets discouraged and builds his dream with a smile no matter the circumstance. Author Seth Godin commented, "The goal wasn't to be accepted, that goal was to do it right."
Our oldest son, Carson, frequently reminds us of the profound idea of deep trust highlighted in Psalm 56:3. The Psalmist writes, "When I am afraid, I will trust in You." Carson drew a word picture of this verse that hung on our refrigerator for some time. I took a photo of his picture that I keep on my phone as a daily reminder. Carson uses this verse to sustain him through anxious times and encourages his mother and me when our days spiral chaotic. As adults, we muddy up the middle too often seeking complex solutions to stress mitigation. Carson's childlike faith calls us to stop, clear our minds, and know that our fears, anxieties, and worries are best alleviated when our trust is rooted in something bigger than ourselves. The Biblical narrative repeatedly calls us to "fear not" and, in turn, "trust." Most self-help books often end up in a similar place: step out of ourselves, hold onto something deeper, and trust. The Psalmist knew the shelter to life's storms isn't built by our own hands, but in trusting the Hands that hold us all. Carson knows this too.
Many times we pass through our days without stopping to appreciate the showers of blessings and gifts that are all around us. Last week, Brady missed a day of pre-school with a headache and a slight fever. He slept most of the day. The next morning, the pitter patter of little feet on wooden steps woke us. As Brady came down the stairs, he called for us. "Mom, Dad..." he said. "You know that head hurt that I had yesterday, it's almost gone!" The fact that he was feeling just a bit better had him wildly excited about the opportunities to play that he would now be able to embrace. He was marveled and amazed about the healing process of our bodies. He was thankful. Lisa Bergren writes, "Every morning when we wake, we choose to encounter the day as something to be survived or something to be welcomed. On this day I choose joy (laughter)." Brady could have opened his eyes to the day frustrated that remnants of a headache remained. Instead, he chose cart- wheeling joy that the headache was almost gone.
There are many lessons to be learned from children, if only we have eyes to see them. Live life full and happy, giving much less regard to what others think. Replace fear with trust, understanding these life stories are best written when they're about something bigger than us. And, be joyfully thankful, choosing an attitude of hope each day. These are meaningful lessons I've learned from my children. May they be undercurrents in your lives, lived well.
On a recent spring afternoon, my two boys and I were walking through the parking lot, heading to the store. Brady, our four-year-old, stopped and said that he needed to go back to the car to get something. We circled back and opened the car. Brady crawled into the vehicle and came out wearing his bright orange construction goggles. He climbed out of the car and started again toward the store.
Me: "Why did you get those, Brady?"
Brady: "I wanted to wear them into the store."
Older Brother: "I don't think that you want to wear them in there, Brady, people will see you."
Brady: "I don't care, I like them."
We need to care much less about what people think of us and, instead, live life full, happy. If you're inclined to wear bright orange construction goggles into the store, then wear them proudly. Kirk Franklin said, "You want to be great? Stop trying to be liked."
If you haven't seen the You Tube video of Caine's Arcade yet, take ten minutes and watch it. This young man built an elaborate cardboard arcade in his father's used auto parts garage. I won't spoil the story, but in short, Caine never gets discouraged and builds his dream with a smile no matter the circumstance. Author Seth Godin commented, "The goal wasn't to be accepted, that goal was to do it right."
Our oldest son, Carson, frequently reminds us of the profound idea of deep trust highlighted in Psalm 56:3. The Psalmist writes, "When I am afraid, I will trust in You." Carson drew a word picture of this verse that hung on our refrigerator for some time. I took a photo of his picture that I keep on my phone as a daily reminder. Carson uses this verse to sustain him through anxious times and encourages his mother and me when our days spiral chaotic. As adults, we muddy up the middle too often seeking complex solutions to stress mitigation. Carson's childlike faith calls us to stop, clear our minds, and know that our fears, anxieties, and worries are best alleviated when our trust is rooted in something bigger than ourselves. The Biblical narrative repeatedly calls us to "fear not" and, in turn, "trust." Most self-help books often end up in a similar place: step out of ourselves, hold onto something deeper, and trust. The Psalmist knew the shelter to life's storms isn't built by our own hands, but in trusting the Hands that hold us all. Carson knows this too.
Many times we pass through our days without stopping to appreciate the showers of blessings and gifts that are all around us. Last week, Brady missed a day of pre-school with a headache and a slight fever. He slept most of the day. The next morning, the pitter patter of little feet on wooden steps woke us. As Brady came down the stairs, he called for us. "Mom, Dad..." he said. "You know that head hurt that I had yesterday, it's almost gone!" The fact that he was feeling just a bit better had him wildly excited about the opportunities to play that he would now be able to embrace. He was marveled and amazed about the healing process of our bodies. He was thankful. Lisa Bergren writes, "Every morning when we wake, we choose to encounter the day as something to be survived or something to be welcomed. On this day I choose joy (laughter)." Brady could have opened his eyes to the day frustrated that remnants of a headache remained. Instead, he chose cart- wheeling joy that the headache was almost gone.
There are many lessons to be learned from children, if only we have eyes to see them. Live life full and happy, giving much less regard to what others think. Replace fear with trust, understanding these life stories are best written when they're about something bigger than us. And, be joyfully thankful, choosing an attitude of hope each day. These are meaningful lessons I've learned from my children. May they be undercurrents in your lives, lived well.
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Mentoring Matters.
In high school I had an English course with a mild-mannered teacher. At the beginning of class we had a brief, five-question quiz to ensure that we were keeping up with assigned reading. Being the first week of school, my friends and I were much more concerned about positioning ourselves in the appropriate social structures of high school than diving into classic literature. In turn, the answers I listed on the quiz read something like this, Q: What main character were we introduced to in the opening chapters of The Scarlet Letter? A: Dr. Suess. After reviewing the quizzes at his desk, the teacher softly asked me and a few others to step outside. In a matter-of-fact and forcefully clear tone, he said that he did not intend to waste any more of our time or his, so he directed us to go to the Guidance Office and sign up for another English course, one in which we could coast through without the expectations he would demand. I pleaded to stay in his course and, thankfully, he obliged with the qualification that there would be no tolerance for a cavalier approach to his course. In addition to teaching me English, he taught me a much-needed lesson about expectation, accountability, and the experience of learning.
According to the YMCA of the USA, one out of every three children in the U.S. lives without his or her biological father. [Consequently,]… studies show that kids who grow up without a father in the home, on average, may face greater struggles and may be more likely to live in poverty or be incarcerated (Nock and Einolf 2008).
I have a friend leading a large ministry. Years ago, as someone just stepping into career opportunities, I requested a meeting with this ministry leader, hoping to draw from his experience and wisdom. Over the course of the next 7 years, he has met with me every single time that I've asked him to and an important friendship has developed. In spite of the many demands from his work and life, he has made time to invest in my life and I'm a better person because of his investment.
Youth from fatherless homes account for: 63 percent of youth suicides, 71 percent of pregnant teenagers, 90 percent of all homeless and runaway children, 70 percent of juveniles in state-operated institutions, 85 percent of all youths sitting in prison, 85 percent of all youth who exhibit behavior disorders, 80 percent of rapists motivated with displaced anger, 71 percent of high school dropouts, and 75 percent of all adolescents in chemical abuse centers. (“The Future: Set Adrift on a Sea of Fatherless Children,” Idaho Observer, July 2003. As quoted in: Sowers, John. “Fatherless Generation: Redeeming the Story.” (Zondervan, 2010).
Steve, a Youth Outreach and Day Camp Director at the Y, recently held an informational meeting to recruit volunteers for a new youth program. I was intrigued as half of those attending were former campers or counselors of Steve's programs. As I asked them why they were volunteering, they said that Steve had invested in their lives in significant ways and that they just wanted to give something back to him.
Whether done formally or informally, mentoring is an opportunity to change history, to re-write the story of a generation. Mentors will be the quiet heroes of this movement. Studies have shown that one-to-one mentoring, done over time, transforms the lives of both the mentor and mentee. Mentors matter. (The Mentoring Project Field Manual, www.thementoringproject.org).
I recently talked with a Y staff person who told me that she was excited to finally have the opportunity to work at Camp Thompson as a resident camp counselor. In the past, she has volunteered her time to serve in counselor leadership training programs in preparation for her full-time role. I asked her why she had given so much volunteer time to prepare for a seasonal position. She said that she had attended Y camps ever since she was 7 and as a new camper, the Youth and Camp Thompson Director, Justin, had bought her a slushy when she was having a bad day. "That was really nice," she said, "and it made me stay." Now, she wants to return that favor of kindness to someone new.
The impact of investing in the life of another often isn't quantifiable, yet it's significant. If you are mentoring another person and you are faithfully loving, modeling, and coaching your impact might not be immediately measurable; however, you are making a profound difference(The Mentoring Project Field Manual, www.thementoringproject.org).
When I was in college, my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. I wasn't sure if she'd survive and I was too scared to go home and visit. Instead, I went to a Campus Crusade for Christ meeting. We played basketball and at the end, I shared my request for prayer. The leader said that he'd give me a ride back to my apartment. I don't know his name, but I know that he cared about my situation and I know that he prayed for my mom, who is still living today.
Historically, mentoring has been a primary form of education. In the article, "Change of Course" (World Magazine, April 21, 2012), Andree` Seu writes, "Before seminaries had endowments, a young man would attach himself to a country pastor, read the man's books, and follow him on his parish visiting circuit. It was not considered a substandard education, but real discipling of the younger in faith by one older."
I was lucky enough to have a father who was invested in my life. He taught me life lessons of commitment, perseverance, discipline, and faith. I've been amazingly blessed to have countless others invest in my life who have given me the opportunity to reflect and redirect. They've taught me that it doesn't matter how far you fall, but that you get back up again. Andree` Seu says, "It is not how many miles you've traveled since you turned your ship around. It's that you're headed in the right direction and you know where home is."
Those without a father in their lives face a great challenge. They need others to come alongside to help orient the ship. They need navigational support. You can do this. We can help others rewrite their stories. Formally, you can contact the Y (www.carlislefamilyymca.org), Big Brothers Big Sisters (www.capbigs.org), or your local church to find out how you might support a youth in need. Informally, you simply need to look around. Divine opportunities surround us daily to invest in the lives of others. As you look for them, you'll soon see them in abundance. Seize these moments. They matter.
According to the YMCA of the USA, one out of every three children in the U.S. lives without his or her biological father. [Consequently,]… studies show that kids who grow up without a father in the home, on average, may face greater struggles and may be more likely to live in poverty or be incarcerated (Nock and Einolf 2008).
I have a friend leading a large ministry. Years ago, as someone just stepping into career opportunities, I requested a meeting with this ministry leader, hoping to draw from his experience and wisdom. Over the course of the next 7 years, he has met with me every single time that I've asked him to and an important friendship has developed. In spite of the many demands from his work and life, he has made time to invest in my life and I'm a better person because of his investment.
Youth from fatherless homes account for: 63 percent of youth suicides, 71 percent of pregnant teenagers, 90 percent of all homeless and runaway children, 70 percent of juveniles in state-operated institutions, 85 percent of all youths sitting in prison, 85 percent of all youth who exhibit behavior disorders, 80 percent of rapists motivated with displaced anger, 71 percent of high school dropouts, and 75 percent of all adolescents in chemical abuse centers. (“The Future: Set Adrift on a Sea of Fatherless Children,” Idaho Observer, July 2003. As quoted in: Sowers, John. “Fatherless Generation: Redeeming the Story.” (Zondervan, 2010).
Steve, a Youth Outreach and Day Camp Director at the Y, recently held an informational meeting to recruit volunteers for a new youth program. I was intrigued as half of those attending were former campers or counselors of Steve's programs. As I asked them why they were volunteering, they said that Steve had invested in their lives in significant ways and that they just wanted to give something back to him.
Whether done formally or informally, mentoring is an opportunity to change history, to re-write the story of a generation. Mentors will be the quiet heroes of this movement. Studies have shown that one-to-one mentoring, done over time, transforms the lives of both the mentor and mentee. Mentors matter. (The Mentoring Project Field Manual, www.thementoringproject.org).
I recently talked with a Y staff person who told me that she was excited to finally have the opportunity to work at Camp Thompson as a resident camp counselor. In the past, she has volunteered her time to serve in counselor leadership training programs in preparation for her full-time role. I asked her why she had given so much volunteer time to prepare for a seasonal position. She said that she had attended Y camps ever since she was 7 and as a new camper, the Youth and Camp Thompson Director, Justin, had bought her a slushy when she was having a bad day. "That was really nice," she said, "and it made me stay." Now, she wants to return that favor of kindness to someone new.
The impact of investing in the life of another often isn't quantifiable, yet it's significant. If you are mentoring another person and you are faithfully loving, modeling, and coaching your impact might not be immediately measurable; however, you are making a profound difference(The Mentoring Project Field Manual, www.thementoringproject.org).
When I was in college, my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. I wasn't sure if she'd survive and I was too scared to go home and visit. Instead, I went to a Campus Crusade for Christ meeting. We played basketball and at the end, I shared my request for prayer. The leader said that he'd give me a ride back to my apartment. I don't know his name, but I know that he cared about my situation and I know that he prayed for my mom, who is still living today.
Historically, mentoring has been a primary form of education. In the article, "Change of Course" (World Magazine, April 21, 2012), Andree` Seu writes, "Before seminaries had endowments, a young man would attach himself to a country pastor, read the man's books, and follow him on his parish visiting circuit. It was not considered a substandard education, but real discipling of the younger in faith by one older."
I was lucky enough to have a father who was invested in my life. He taught me life lessons of commitment, perseverance, discipline, and faith. I've been amazingly blessed to have countless others invest in my life who have given me the opportunity to reflect and redirect. They've taught me that it doesn't matter how far you fall, but that you get back up again. Andree` Seu says, "It is not how many miles you've traveled since you turned your ship around. It's that you're headed in the right direction and you know where home is."
Those without a father in their lives face a great challenge. They need others to come alongside to help orient the ship. They need navigational support. You can do this. We can help others rewrite their stories. Formally, you can contact the Y (www.carlislefamilyymca.org), Big Brothers Big Sisters (www.capbigs.org), or your local church to find out how you might support a youth in need. Informally, you simply need to look around. Divine opportunities surround us daily to invest in the lives of others. As you look for them, you'll soon see them in abundance. Seize these moments. They matter.
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Are Canadians Healthier and Happier?
My family and I recently returned from vacationing in New Smyrna Beach, Florida. We enjoyed the sun, surf, and the slow of beach life. It's the slow that's really refreshing. Time standing still as my boys and I wrestled the crashing waves and my wife and I walking, talking - unhurried. Around the pool, we met a number of people, many Canadian. Apparently, New Smyrna beach is becoming a vacation hot spot for our neighbors to the North. The Canadians that we met were strikingly relaxed, joyful, pleasant, and social. They were sincerely kind. They seemed grateful, living life full. It was a healthy atmosphere.
The psychological benefits of gratitude are increasingly well noted. Emmos and McCullough (2003) conducted a series of experiments that found "the experience of gratitude leads to positive psychological, physical, and social outcomes... participants who were asked to think about what they were grateful for, experienced greater levels of optimism, positive mood, and feelings of belongingness [compared other control groups]..." (2009, Clay Routledge Ph.D. in Death Love Sex Magic). In addition, the participants who were focused on gratitude reported being physically healthier and said that they spent more time exercising. Routledge concludes, "The take home message is that being grateful is good for you and those around you."
In addition to carrying hearts of gratitude, simply being kind produces significant healthy benefits. According to www.giftofkindness.com, scientific research has shown that acts of kindness help to improve stress-related health problems, improve feelings of depression, reduce the unhealthy sense of isolation, decrease the intensity and awareness of physical pain, and increase the sense of self-worth, …happiness, and optimism. (Allan Luks, The Healing Power of Doing Good: The Health and Spiritual Benefits of Helping Others). Luks's concludes, "Helping contributes to the maintenance of good health, and it can diminish the effect of diseases and disorders both serious and minor, psychological and physical."
My new Canadian friends appeared happier and healthier than many of the Americans I know, many of whom wilt beneath the weight of life that they carry. Could the apparent wellness of the vacationing Canadians be tied to their kind and thankful hearts?
USA Today writer Jayne Clark noticed a similar difference with Canadian neighbors. She said, "I'm just back from a week in Atlantic Canada and I'd have to say... Canadians are nicer... they're more trusting... they do illustrate a tendency to assume the other guy (or gal) isn't out to get the best of you... And that attitude was refreshing." (Aug 2011).
I know a few Canadians here at home. Two are pastors. One is in education. Another is a writer. I don't know the writer, but I've read her work, so we'll call her another Canadian friend. Each of them have huge hearts of gratitude and are extraordinarily kind. The writer even wrote a book about it, counting the daily gifts of grace. In many cases, their lives are slower, yet fuller; their days less scheduled, yet richer. They seem healthy and happy.
Anecdotally, my Canadians friends seem to hold life loosely, savoring the gifts each day brings and embracing the stillness that fosters gratitude and kindness, all this elevating wellness. In a recent blog, Canadian author Ann Voskamp says, "Life is not an emergency... Weigh down this moment in time with attention full, and the whole of time's river slows, slows, slows... I am accepting the whole of the moment, weighing it down with me all here. This giving thanks for one thousand things, it's that too, an invitation to slow time down with weight of full attention... You can only hear your life sing - when you still.”
This stillness, it’s a lesson taught for thousands of years that we long to learn yet consistently crowd out of our lives. “Be still,” God says, “and know [me].” Psalm 46:10
Sounds like a prescription to a healthier life, eh?
The psychological benefits of gratitude are increasingly well noted. Emmos and McCullough (2003) conducted a series of experiments that found "the experience of gratitude leads to positive psychological, physical, and social outcomes... participants who were asked to think about what they were grateful for, experienced greater levels of optimism, positive mood, and feelings of belongingness [compared other control groups]..." (2009, Clay Routledge Ph.D. in Death Love Sex Magic). In addition, the participants who were focused on gratitude reported being physically healthier and said that they spent more time exercising. Routledge concludes, "The take home message is that being grateful is good for you and those around you."
In addition to carrying hearts of gratitude, simply being kind produces significant healthy benefits. According to www.giftofkindness.com, scientific research has shown that acts of kindness help to improve stress-related health problems, improve feelings of depression, reduce the unhealthy sense of isolation, decrease the intensity and awareness of physical pain, and increase the sense of self-worth, …happiness, and optimism. (Allan Luks, The Healing Power of Doing Good: The Health and Spiritual Benefits of Helping Others). Luks's concludes, "Helping contributes to the maintenance of good health, and it can diminish the effect of diseases and disorders both serious and minor, psychological and physical."
My new Canadian friends appeared happier and healthier than many of the Americans I know, many of whom wilt beneath the weight of life that they carry. Could the apparent wellness of the vacationing Canadians be tied to their kind and thankful hearts?
USA Today writer Jayne Clark noticed a similar difference with Canadian neighbors. She said, "I'm just back from a week in Atlantic Canada and I'd have to say... Canadians are nicer... they're more trusting... they do illustrate a tendency to assume the other guy (or gal) isn't out to get the best of you... And that attitude was refreshing." (Aug 2011).
I know a few Canadians here at home. Two are pastors. One is in education. Another is a writer. I don't know the writer, but I've read her work, so we'll call her another Canadian friend. Each of them have huge hearts of gratitude and are extraordinarily kind. The writer even wrote a book about it, counting the daily gifts of grace. In many cases, their lives are slower, yet fuller; their days less scheduled, yet richer. They seem healthy and happy.
Anecdotally, my Canadians friends seem to hold life loosely, savoring the gifts each day brings and embracing the stillness that fosters gratitude and kindness, all this elevating wellness. In a recent blog, Canadian author Ann Voskamp says, "Life is not an emergency... Weigh down this moment in time with attention full, and the whole of time's river slows, slows, slows... I am accepting the whole of the moment, weighing it down with me all here. This giving thanks for one thousand things, it's that too, an invitation to slow time down with weight of full attention... You can only hear your life sing - when you still.”
This stillness, it’s a lesson taught for thousands of years that we long to learn yet consistently crowd out of our lives. “Be still,” God says, “and know [me].” Psalm 46:10
Sounds like a prescription to a healthier life, eh?
Monday, February 20, 2012
Facing Fear, Part 2
I've never received more comments than I did from the article last month about dealing with fear. Some said that they enjoyed the article. Others said that the ideas about fear really resonated with them (often, they said this in a hushed voice, to not fully disclose to others that they might in fact experience fear). A few had questions about my wife's trip to Haiti. And, one even stated that they couldn't get past the sappiness of the opening paragraph, so they couldn't really offer any feedback on the idea. Apparently, fear is a topic that tends to be publicly ignored but rampant in our hearts and minds.
The article talked about framing fear as an opportunity to learn and how living a life that is truly life is often found on the other side of fear. Going further, I'd offer that dealing with fear in a healthy way requires our showing up with a freedom to fail and a passionate hope that regardless of the outcome, there is something breathtakingly clear once we pass through the fog of fear. Fear is best lived when we understand our role in a bigger story. When the story is significant, fear becomes small.
Cus D'Amato, famed trainer and mentor of Mike Tyson, told a story about fear. He said that as a kid, the local bully called him to a showdown in the street Saturday night at 9 o'clock sharp. He recounts that the other kid was a real tough-guy. Cus said that he was scared. But, in this neighborhood, at this time, he knew that he had to show up. The waiting and anxious anticipation was excruciating. Cus said, "Anyway, I'm sitting there, really sweating... Nine o'clock comes and the... guy isn't there. Quarter after nine, the... guy isn't there. Nine-thirty, I'm still waiting, and all the time the waiting is getting worse because this guy is gonna be there, and I'm gonna have to fight him. Finally, at ten o'clock, one of his buddies comes and says the... guy is scared. He ain't showing. It was the happiest moment of my life." Cus showed up and the situation he so feared didn't happen. Isn't this often the case? It's the fear of the fear that derails us, not the circumstances in them. My friend, the Counselor, says that it's like camping in the woods. We know that there are potentially bears in the woods. We have a few choices. We can see the reality that we've taken precautions to camp safely, lie down with reasonable expectations of safety, and enjoy our time in nature. Or, we can ignite our adrenaline into red alert with the possibility that a bear could attack and suffer through the trip with wired anxiety, missing pleasurable experiences along the way. Finally, we could just never go camping because bears are sometimes in the woods. Much of dealing with our fear is just showing up.
When we show up, we should also come with a goal to achieve and a freedom to fail. Take this exchange from Rocky III,
Rocky (to his wife, Adrian, talking about an upcoming fight): I'm afraid! All right?! You want to hear me say it? You want to break me down? All right, I'm afraid. For the first time in my life, I'm afraid.
Adrian: I'm afraid too. There's nothing wrong with being afraid.
Rocky: There is. For me, there is.
Adrian: Why? You're human aren't you?
Rocky: Look, I don't know what I am...
Adrian: ...But it doesn't matter what I believe because you're the one that's got to carry that fear around inside you... Well, none of it's true! But it doesn't matter if I tell you. It doesn't matter, because you're the one that's gotta settle it. Get rid of it! ...Look what it's doing to you now. [we] think you can do it... But you gotta want to do it for the right reasons...
Rocky: And if I lose?
Adrian: Then you lose. But at least you lose with no excuses, no fear. And I know you can live with that.
The fear of failure can be paralyzing. In fact, it's why many times we don't show up. Radical success requires calculated risk. Seth Godin, author and speaker, says that when he hires someone if they don't fail at a project within a designated period of time, he is forced to let them go. Failures are the pathway to innovation. Failure fosters creativity. Failure sharpens and molds us into something greater. Failure reinforces the idea that our world isn't the world and self-confidence comes in cultivating trust in something greater than ourselves.
Fear shrinks when we show up with a freedom to fail and maintain hope that there is something better on the other side of the experience. I am a runner. Not avid, just armature. For years, I'd never run because of the dreadful conditions of the first mile or two. A tight chest, heavy legs, and short breath don't make for an energizing exercise routine. Yet, as any runner knows, once you get through the first minutes, there is something better. A powerfully calming feeling that brings clarity and endurance overtakes you. This is sometimes referred to as a "runner's high." But, you can't get there without the pain of the first few miles. Similarly, my wife's trip to Haiti included stepping into the unknown. The goodbyes, the ambiguity of what the trip would look like, the disconnection to the world - to us, the self-doubt of whether she could really help all fanned the flames of fear. She showed up with a freedom to fail and a hope that something greater was on the other side. There was. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J7rgKFjocDU). The trip fundamentally changed her, and us, forever, but this transformation couldn't be found without the initial prickly, piercing pain.
I am inspired to see this process unfold at the Y everyday. John Ulsh, all but pronounced dead after a tragic car accident with his family, walks and talks with life and energy at the Y, sharing his hope with others. He often wakes with renewed fear about his recovery, but he shows up with a freedom to fail and a hope that each day brings a new growth experience. I see many people with disabilities that most of us will never know, coming to the Y and greeting their fears, often with amazing support of others, and stepping through them to something better. I workout with pastors and retired dentists and kids that think my 37 years are ancient and I hear their stories of ginormous fears faced and lives changed in the process.
"Fear not." The Bible says that a lot, somewhere around 355+ times, almost once for every day of the year. (New Day, New You: 366 Devotions for Enjoying Everyday Life By Joyce Meyer). Why? I don't believe it's a command to find the fortitude within ourselves to never feel fear. Instead, I believe it's a call to understand our role in a bigger story. Our lives are mere drops in the sea of eternity. We are role players in a story bigger than ourselves. There are subplots unfolding daily in our families, communities, nation, and world. In spite of the fear, when we show up with a freedom to fail and with passionate hope, we weave another thread into the fabric of our society, creating something that we may not see clearly, but is substantive for generations to come. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known (1 Cor 13:12 NIV).
The article talked about framing fear as an opportunity to learn and how living a life that is truly life is often found on the other side of fear. Going further, I'd offer that dealing with fear in a healthy way requires our showing up with a freedom to fail and a passionate hope that regardless of the outcome, there is something breathtakingly clear once we pass through the fog of fear. Fear is best lived when we understand our role in a bigger story. When the story is significant, fear becomes small.
Cus D'Amato, famed trainer and mentor of Mike Tyson, told a story about fear. He said that as a kid, the local bully called him to a showdown in the street Saturday night at 9 o'clock sharp. He recounts that the other kid was a real tough-guy. Cus said that he was scared. But, in this neighborhood, at this time, he knew that he had to show up. The waiting and anxious anticipation was excruciating. Cus said, "Anyway, I'm sitting there, really sweating... Nine o'clock comes and the... guy isn't there. Quarter after nine, the... guy isn't there. Nine-thirty, I'm still waiting, and all the time the waiting is getting worse because this guy is gonna be there, and I'm gonna have to fight him. Finally, at ten o'clock, one of his buddies comes and says the... guy is scared. He ain't showing. It was the happiest moment of my life." Cus showed up and the situation he so feared didn't happen. Isn't this often the case? It's the fear of the fear that derails us, not the circumstances in them. My friend, the Counselor, says that it's like camping in the woods. We know that there are potentially bears in the woods. We have a few choices. We can see the reality that we've taken precautions to camp safely, lie down with reasonable expectations of safety, and enjoy our time in nature. Or, we can ignite our adrenaline into red alert with the possibility that a bear could attack and suffer through the trip with wired anxiety, missing pleasurable experiences along the way. Finally, we could just never go camping because bears are sometimes in the woods. Much of dealing with our fear is just showing up.
When we show up, we should also come with a goal to achieve and a freedom to fail. Take this exchange from Rocky III,
Rocky (to his wife, Adrian, talking about an upcoming fight): I'm afraid! All right?! You want to hear me say it? You want to break me down? All right, I'm afraid. For the first time in my life, I'm afraid.
Adrian: I'm afraid too. There's nothing wrong with being afraid.
Rocky: There is. For me, there is.
Adrian: Why? You're human aren't you?
Rocky: Look, I don't know what I am...
Adrian: ...But it doesn't matter what I believe because you're the one that's got to carry that fear around inside you... Well, none of it's true! But it doesn't matter if I tell you. It doesn't matter, because you're the one that's gotta settle it. Get rid of it! ...Look what it's doing to you now. [we] think you can do it... But you gotta want to do it for the right reasons...
Rocky: And if I lose?
Adrian: Then you lose. But at least you lose with no excuses, no fear. And I know you can live with that.
The fear of failure can be paralyzing. In fact, it's why many times we don't show up. Radical success requires calculated risk. Seth Godin, author and speaker, says that when he hires someone if they don't fail at a project within a designated period of time, he is forced to let them go. Failures are the pathway to innovation. Failure fosters creativity. Failure sharpens and molds us into something greater. Failure reinforces the idea that our world isn't the world and self-confidence comes in cultivating trust in something greater than ourselves.
Fear shrinks when we show up with a freedom to fail and maintain hope that there is something better on the other side of the experience. I am a runner. Not avid, just armature. For years, I'd never run because of the dreadful conditions of the first mile or two. A tight chest, heavy legs, and short breath don't make for an energizing exercise routine. Yet, as any runner knows, once you get through the first minutes, there is something better. A powerfully calming feeling that brings clarity and endurance overtakes you. This is sometimes referred to as a "runner's high." But, you can't get there without the pain of the first few miles. Similarly, my wife's trip to Haiti included stepping into the unknown. The goodbyes, the ambiguity of what the trip would look like, the disconnection to the world - to us, the self-doubt of whether she could really help all fanned the flames of fear. She showed up with a freedom to fail and a hope that something greater was on the other side. There was. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J7rgKFjocDU). The trip fundamentally changed her, and us, forever, but this transformation couldn't be found without the initial prickly, piercing pain.
I am inspired to see this process unfold at the Y everyday. John Ulsh, all but pronounced dead after a tragic car accident with his family, walks and talks with life and energy at the Y, sharing his hope with others. He often wakes with renewed fear about his recovery, but he shows up with a freedom to fail and a hope that each day brings a new growth experience. I see many people with disabilities that most of us will never know, coming to the Y and greeting their fears, often with amazing support of others, and stepping through them to something better. I workout with pastors and retired dentists and kids that think my 37 years are ancient and I hear their stories of ginormous fears faced and lives changed in the process.
"Fear not." The Bible says that a lot, somewhere around 355+ times, almost once for every day of the year. (New Day, New You: 366 Devotions for Enjoying Everyday Life By Joyce Meyer). Why? I don't believe it's a command to find the fortitude within ourselves to never feel fear. Instead, I believe it's a call to understand our role in a bigger story. Our lives are mere drops in the sea of eternity. We are role players in a story bigger than ourselves. There are subplots unfolding daily in our families, communities, nation, and world. In spite of the fear, when we show up with a freedom to fail and with passionate hope, we weave another thread into the fabric of our society, creating something that we may not see clearly, but is substantive for generations to come. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known (1 Cor 13:12 NIV).
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Healthy Fear
It was Thursday, January 12 at 1:00 a.m. I stood in the kitchen holding my wife in my arms, her sobbing breaking the silence of the early morning. "I'm so scared." She said. Her bags were packed and the car was idling outside, both ready for her departure. We were not as ready. She was preparing to go on a mission trip with Awaken Haiti (www.awakenhaiti.com). She had never left our boys for more than 24 hours. She had no idea of what to expect in Haiti. She gets plane-sick. The fear was thick as we said our goodbyes. I was consciously reassuring, but I'm not sure that I masked my own fears. I wasn't worried about being a single parent for a week (I was confident in pizza take out and the durability of wearing jeans many days in a row). I was scared about my lack of control. I couldn't talk or communicate to her during this trip. I wouldn't know that she was ok. I couldn't care for or protect her. We were scared. We stood in the fear for a moment, prayed, and she left.
Fear is a powerful force. It's defined as a "distressing emotion by impending danger... whether the threat is real or imagined..." (dictionary.com). As a society, we don't like to recognize fear. We're conditioned to have a fear of fear. In turn, we make bumper stickers to negate the reality of fear, as some sort of invisible shield to ward of its effect on our Volkswagens. When we fail to recognize it, fear compels us toward addictions, avoidance, and apathy and drives us away from opportunity, trust, and courage. Often, fear is an emotion that we simply pretend isn't there, isn't real, and when we do this, fear is roots itself deeper in our backyards, poisoning the well.
Last week, the USA Today reported a story of an Alaskan couple who were out walking their two golden retrievers when a moose attacked the man, stomping him to the ground, breaking seven of his ribs in the process. When the moose came at her, she ran back to their truck, grabbed a shovel, and "hit it with everything [she] had." (USA Today, January 24, 2012).
Fear can be a healthy emotion. It allows us to sense danger, evaluate risk, and determine a response. Danger is a part of our world and fear is a tool to help us navigate through the choppy waters of risk. Mark Batterson, author of "In A Pit With A Lion On A Snowy Day" says, "The goal of life is not the elimination of fear. The goal is to muster the moral courage to [confront that fear]" (38). In fact, he says that in reflecting on our lives, we're more likely to regret the opportunities that we didn't seize, the ones that we missed sometimes because of fear, than those that we did and regretted. To achieve all that we've been created to be, we must find the courage to face our fears. Batterson says, "One courageous choice may be the only thing between you and your dream becoming a reality" (123).
Our friends, Jeff and Deb Denglinger felt a call to serve the people of Haiti a few years ago. As their role in developing Awaken Haiti began to crystallize, it became apparent to them that they were called to actually move to Haiti. Jeff had a successful construction business and they have three school aged children. The fear of moving to a place of such uncertainty and need was breathtaking. Yet, they sold everything and moved their family to Haiti. They entered the ocean of fear with a triple summersault dive.
Legendary boxing trainer Cus D'Amato said, "Heroes and cowards feel exactly the same fear. Heroes just react to it differently." Our mental health is best served when we identify the fear for what it is - an emotional response. From there, we can determine if the fear is resulting from something real or imagined. In turn, we can call on what's needed in response. It might be unlearning an irrational fear. It might be battling back an imagined fear with reality and truth. Or, it might be calling on something greater within us to not cower from the fear, but to stand against it and walk through it.
My wife went on her trip to Haiti. She was lonely, afraid, and scared in many ways. Yet, walking through that fear to serve others in Haiti offered her a life-changing experience. Most significantly, she observed that many Haitians who live in desolate and deplorable conditions, have an interesting response to their fears - joy. Their joy drowns their fears. My wife is finding new life in this truth only because she stood in her fear and made the trip to Haiti.
Likewise, the Denlingers are living new lives of significance, accessible only because they stepped into their fear of moving to Haiti. In their words, "We've been challenged to take back our faith from the American dream, to live life 'Wide Awake'... to live a life that demands an explanation..." This, an opportunity only available by diving into their fear.
The Alaskan couple escaped the moose attack, as did their dogs. The 85 year old woman who stood 5 feet tall and weighs 97 pounds faced fear and beat it back with a shovel.
Fear can be a violently destructive emotion that destroys lives, squelches opportunities, and numbs us to living life "wide awake." Or, it can be a healthy emotion that is a tool that we use to grow in courage, trust, and experience. Maybe the fear you face today isn't about packing up your family and moving to Haiti. Maybe it's about making healthier choices for your life, or a seizing a new opportunity that seems risky, or ending or starting a new relationship. Whatever the case, don't let fear be a barrier to a better you.
Author and blogger Ann Voskamp says this, "Today is always the best day to end the fears and begin being the best you... The relief is in the release of everything into the hands of God... abandon and abide - all is well."
Fear is a powerful force. It's defined as a "distressing emotion by impending danger... whether the threat is real or imagined..." (dictionary.com). As a society, we don't like to recognize fear. We're conditioned to have a fear of fear. In turn, we make bumper stickers to negate the reality of fear, as some sort of invisible shield to ward of its effect on our Volkswagens. When we fail to recognize it, fear compels us toward addictions, avoidance, and apathy and drives us away from opportunity, trust, and courage. Often, fear is an emotion that we simply pretend isn't there, isn't real, and when we do this, fear is roots itself deeper in our backyards, poisoning the well.
Last week, the USA Today reported a story of an Alaskan couple who were out walking their two golden retrievers when a moose attacked the man, stomping him to the ground, breaking seven of his ribs in the process. When the moose came at her, she ran back to their truck, grabbed a shovel, and "hit it with everything [she] had." (USA Today, January 24, 2012).
Fear can be a healthy emotion. It allows us to sense danger, evaluate risk, and determine a response. Danger is a part of our world and fear is a tool to help us navigate through the choppy waters of risk. Mark Batterson, author of "In A Pit With A Lion On A Snowy Day" says, "The goal of life is not the elimination of fear. The goal is to muster the moral courage to [confront that fear]" (38). In fact, he says that in reflecting on our lives, we're more likely to regret the opportunities that we didn't seize, the ones that we missed sometimes because of fear, than those that we did and regretted. To achieve all that we've been created to be, we must find the courage to face our fears. Batterson says, "One courageous choice may be the only thing between you and your dream becoming a reality" (123).
Our friends, Jeff and Deb Denglinger felt a call to serve the people of Haiti a few years ago. As their role in developing Awaken Haiti began to crystallize, it became apparent to them that they were called to actually move to Haiti. Jeff had a successful construction business and they have three school aged children. The fear of moving to a place of such uncertainty and need was breathtaking. Yet, they sold everything and moved their family to Haiti. They entered the ocean of fear with a triple summersault dive.
Legendary boxing trainer Cus D'Amato said, "Heroes and cowards feel exactly the same fear. Heroes just react to it differently." Our mental health is best served when we identify the fear for what it is - an emotional response. From there, we can determine if the fear is resulting from something real or imagined. In turn, we can call on what's needed in response. It might be unlearning an irrational fear. It might be battling back an imagined fear with reality and truth. Or, it might be calling on something greater within us to not cower from the fear, but to stand against it and walk through it.
My wife went on her trip to Haiti. She was lonely, afraid, and scared in many ways. Yet, walking through that fear to serve others in Haiti offered her a life-changing experience. Most significantly, she observed that many Haitians who live in desolate and deplorable conditions, have an interesting response to their fears - joy. Their joy drowns their fears. My wife is finding new life in this truth only because she stood in her fear and made the trip to Haiti.
Likewise, the Denlingers are living new lives of significance, accessible only because they stepped into their fear of moving to Haiti. In their words, "We've been challenged to take back our faith from the American dream, to live life 'Wide Awake'... to live a life that demands an explanation..." This, an opportunity only available by diving into their fear.
The Alaskan couple escaped the moose attack, as did their dogs. The 85 year old woman who stood 5 feet tall and weighs 97 pounds faced fear and beat it back with a shovel.
Fear can be a violently destructive emotion that destroys lives, squelches opportunities, and numbs us to living life "wide awake." Or, it can be a healthy emotion that is a tool that we use to grow in courage, trust, and experience. Maybe the fear you face today isn't about packing up your family and moving to Haiti. Maybe it's about making healthier choices for your life, or a seizing a new opportunity that seems risky, or ending or starting a new relationship. Whatever the case, don't let fear be a barrier to a better you.
Author and blogger Ann Voskamp says this, "Today is always the best day to end the fears and begin being the best you... The relief is in the release of everything into the hands of God... abandon and abide - all is well."
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Generic Wellness Won't Work
Typically, I'm a cost conscious guy. I'll always consider the mildly labeled product that reads, "Compare to... ABC brand” The generic alternative often offers me a nearly identical product at a lower cost. At the same time, I'm also a bit of a skeptic. I stand in the store aisle and read the label of any particular product, comparing the generic to the branded version and debate with myself, "While the ingredients read the same, they can't really be the same, can they? Certainly the branded version has a leg up in effectiveness or something, just look at the colorful marketing on the packaging." In many cases, I am wasting my time as the products are, in fact, seemingly identical. Yet, sometimes there is a difference. Take Rice Krispies for example. While the "Crisped Rice" version offers a cost savings, they just don't snap, crackle, and pop in the same way as their legendary counterpart. And maybe it's just me, but the bags of the generic cereal never seem to open easily. You pull and tug until the bags bursts on all sides, cereal spilling everywhere. English muffins are the same. While the generic offers something that looks very similar, Thomas' version has nooks and crannies abounding throughout while the knock off has a flattened surface allowing your spread to just melt and run off the top. In that case, I might as well just have had toast. While generic alternatives are often an economical option, it's in the details that you must pay close attention to not sacrifice quality.
Most health care dollars are spent on treatment as opposed to prevention. In fact, according to the PA Dept of Health, of every dollar spent on health care, only about 4 cents is spent on prevention and public health. In turn, most is spent on treating preventable diseases ($55.9 billion in PA). One such preventable disease is the obesity epidemic. According to a source report referenced by the PA Dept of Health, Pennsylvania's rank has dropped from the 22nd heaviest state (2009) to 19th heaviest (2011). In addition, 1 in 3 Pennsylvania babies born in 2000 will develop diabetes in their lifetime due to the obesity epidemic. This tragedy is relatively easy to address, yet we too often fail to make considerable progress. Why? Perhaps the solutions offered are too generic.
In the book, Switch, the Heath brothers talk about a particular community where there was a highly touted initiative to promote wellness and make their community healthier. In spite of considerable resources and funding, it failed. After reviewing their approach, they determined that the messaging was too generic. "Get Healthy," is ambiguous. Instead, they targeted one particular message. They asked people to make one, small change and switch from 2% milk to skim. The initiative was a success and the results were tangible and quantifiable in terms of improving the health of their community. The message wasn't generic, it was specific.
A place like the Y offers a vast array of health and wellness options. Recently, we've worked to consolidate our main messaging in our ongoing efforts to improve the nation's health and well-being. When you visit the Y, you can receive a refrigerator-friendly takeaway that outlines 3 simple steps to a healthier lifestyle. Detailed points are highlighted under the steps of Get Fit, You Are What You Eat, and Stay Motivated. Follow these three specific steps and you're likely to see results.
Seeking the generic can be an efficient approach to shopping. It's not effective in promoting health and wellness. The focus and the details matter. "Be healthier" or "exercise more" often aren't tangible enough to move anyone to action. Reduce sugary beverages from your diet and walk at least 30-60 minutes daily (even if it's around your workplace) are more practical.
As we enter 2012, I encourage you to be frugal and go with the generic when it makes sense. However, when it comes to pursuing a healthier lifestyle or, perhaps, choosing breakfast foods, be specific and don't sacrifice quality or results.
Most health care dollars are spent on treatment as opposed to prevention. In fact, according to the PA Dept of Health, of every dollar spent on health care, only about 4 cents is spent on prevention and public health. In turn, most is spent on treating preventable diseases ($55.9 billion in PA). One such preventable disease is the obesity epidemic. According to a source report referenced by the PA Dept of Health, Pennsylvania's rank has dropped from the 22nd heaviest state (2009) to 19th heaviest (2011). In addition, 1 in 3 Pennsylvania babies born in 2000 will develop diabetes in their lifetime due to the obesity epidemic. This tragedy is relatively easy to address, yet we too often fail to make considerable progress. Why? Perhaps the solutions offered are too generic.
In the book, Switch, the Heath brothers talk about a particular community where there was a highly touted initiative to promote wellness and make their community healthier. In spite of considerable resources and funding, it failed. After reviewing their approach, they determined that the messaging was too generic. "Get Healthy," is ambiguous. Instead, they targeted one particular message. They asked people to make one, small change and switch from 2% milk to skim. The initiative was a success and the results were tangible and quantifiable in terms of improving the health of their community. The message wasn't generic, it was specific.
A place like the Y offers a vast array of health and wellness options. Recently, we've worked to consolidate our main messaging in our ongoing efforts to improve the nation's health and well-being. When you visit the Y, you can receive a refrigerator-friendly takeaway that outlines 3 simple steps to a healthier lifestyle. Detailed points are highlighted under the steps of Get Fit, You Are What You Eat, and Stay Motivated. Follow these three specific steps and you're likely to see results.
Seeking the generic can be an efficient approach to shopping. It's not effective in promoting health and wellness. The focus and the details matter. "Be healthier" or "exercise more" often aren't tangible enough to move anyone to action. Reduce sugary beverages from your diet and walk at least 30-60 minutes daily (even if it's around your workplace) are more practical.
As we enter 2012, I encourage you to be frugal and go with the generic when it makes sense. However, when it comes to pursuing a healthier lifestyle or, perhaps, choosing breakfast foods, be specific and don't sacrifice quality or results.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Just Let the Kids Play!
You've seen them, the hovering parents. They are at the playground, walking their child from the slide to the swing to the monkey bars; prompting, directing, and managing their young one through each activity. They are at school, the parent who wants their child's day scripted, for prior review and input followed by post day evaluation. They are in backyards across our community, taking over their child's fort-building project to do it more effectively and efficiently. The child who had started to build their backyard fort with a vision in mind is resigned to sitting off to the side, watching their parent build the fort, now complete with a watch tower, kitchenette, and sleeping quarters. When the fort is finished, the parent beams and says to their child, "Look at what you built!" The child forces a smile.
I've too often been this parent, trying to control and direct my child's play in order to maximize their childhood experience. I want them to learn, grow, and develop through not allowing them to miss a single, rich opportunity offered by various clubs, programs, sports, and structured quality time with their parents. Unfortunately, instead of fanning the flames of creativity and learning, this approach smothers independence and development.
Free play time is in steep decline throughout our society and the consequences may be more dire than people think. "Since about 1955... Children’s free play has been continually declining, at least partly because adults have exerted ever-increasing control over children's activities," says the author Peter Gray, Ph.D., Professor of Psychology (emeritus) at Boston College (Entin, Esther, “All Work and No Play: Why Your Kids Are More Anxious, Depressed," The Atlantic.com, Oct 2011). Free play is described as play that is self-direct and initiated by the child rather than prompted by an adult or through an organized activity. Gray further contends that hovering parents are a significant barrier to free play. "It is hard to find groups of children outdoors at all, and, if you do find them, they are likely [in a structured activity]." He references a 1997 study that showed 6-8 years olds spent 18% more time at school, 145% more time doing school work, and 168% more time shopping with parents when compared to the same group sixteen years earlier. The result is less free time. Further reducing free time, many schools and child care programs have cut recess or free play time to make room for more [structured] programming.
Dr. Gray states 5 main benefits of free play for children, all supporting their developing mental health.
1. Play gives children a chance to find and develop a connection to their own self-identified and self-guided interests.
2. It is through play that children first learn how to make decisions, solve problems, exert self control, and follow rules.
3. Children learn to handle their emotions, including anger and fear, during play.
4. Play helps children make friends and learn to get along with each other as equals.
5. Most importantly, play is a source of happiness.
Dr. Gray draws a parallel between the loss of free, unstructured play to the significant increase of anxiety and depression among children in the past 60 years. Studies have documents this trend and, in addition, they've shown suicide rates among youth increasing at an alarming rate during the same period. Gray contends that as a society, we should look closely at free play, the core value it has in the emotional and mental health of children, and mitigate the factors that have almost eliminated it from the lives of children today.
My wife is such a blessing to me in this area. She's made me realize that cereal crumbs on the couch, little faces smudged with jelly, and muddy jeans are not only bearable, but things for which we must be thankful. She often reins me in when I want to direct our children's play as well. "Just let them do it their way," She says, "its ok." According to Dr. Gray, it's not just "ok," but rather imperative.
Entin concludes, "The competing needs for childcare, academic and athletic success, and children's safety are compelling. But perhaps parents can begin to identify small changes -- such as openings in the schedule, backing off from quite so many supervised activities, and possibly less hovering on the playground that would start the pendulum returning to the direction of free, imaginative, kid-directed play."
I received a text from my wife today that read, "Don't be annoyed when you get home... house a mess... doing a project w/ the boys, but will be fun." My panic set in as I wondered what this might mean. When I arrived home, the kid's bathroom was awash in brightly colored paint. There were handprints, letters drawn from little fingers, stick-figures, and creative art from the young minds of a 4 and 6 year old. The floor was speckled with drippings of paint. Shirts were smeared with paint erased. What couldn't be erased were the smiles on the faces of our boys as they proudly displayed their handiwork. Their mom had given them a clean slate and freedom to paint their bathroom. And the mess that ensued was beautiful.
I've too often been this parent, trying to control and direct my child's play in order to maximize their childhood experience. I want them to learn, grow, and develop through not allowing them to miss a single, rich opportunity offered by various clubs, programs, sports, and structured quality time with their parents. Unfortunately, instead of fanning the flames of creativity and learning, this approach smothers independence and development.
Free play time is in steep decline throughout our society and the consequences may be more dire than people think. "Since about 1955... Children’s free play has been continually declining, at least partly because adults have exerted ever-increasing control over children's activities," says the author Peter Gray, Ph.D., Professor of Psychology (emeritus) at Boston College (Entin, Esther, “All Work and No Play: Why Your Kids Are More Anxious, Depressed," The Atlantic.com, Oct 2011). Free play is described as play that is self-direct and initiated by the child rather than prompted by an adult or through an organized activity. Gray further contends that hovering parents are a significant barrier to free play. "It is hard to find groups of children outdoors at all, and, if you do find them, they are likely [in a structured activity]." He references a 1997 study that showed 6-8 years olds spent 18% more time at school, 145% more time doing school work, and 168% more time shopping with parents when compared to the same group sixteen years earlier. The result is less free time. Further reducing free time, many schools and child care programs have cut recess or free play time to make room for more [structured] programming.
Dr. Gray states 5 main benefits of free play for children, all supporting their developing mental health.
1. Play gives children a chance to find and develop a connection to their own self-identified and self-guided interests.
2. It is through play that children first learn how to make decisions, solve problems, exert self control, and follow rules.
3. Children learn to handle their emotions, including anger and fear, during play.
4. Play helps children make friends and learn to get along with each other as equals.
5. Most importantly, play is a source of happiness.
Dr. Gray draws a parallel between the loss of free, unstructured play to the significant increase of anxiety and depression among children in the past 60 years. Studies have documents this trend and, in addition, they've shown suicide rates among youth increasing at an alarming rate during the same period. Gray contends that as a society, we should look closely at free play, the core value it has in the emotional and mental health of children, and mitigate the factors that have almost eliminated it from the lives of children today.
My wife is such a blessing to me in this area. She's made me realize that cereal crumbs on the couch, little faces smudged with jelly, and muddy jeans are not only bearable, but things for which we must be thankful. She often reins me in when I want to direct our children's play as well. "Just let them do it their way," She says, "its ok." According to Dr. Gray, it's not just "ok," but rather imperative.
Entin concludes, "The competing needs for childcare, academic and athletic success, and children's safety are compelling. But perhaps parents can begin to identify small changes -- such as openings in the schedule, backing off from quite so many supervised activities, and possibly less hovering on the playground that would start the pendulum returning to the direction of free, imaginative, kid-directed play."
I received a text from my wife today that read, "Don't be annoyed when you get home... house a mess... doing a project w/ the boys, but will be fun." My panic set in as I wondered what this might mean. When I arrived home, the kid's bathroom was awash in brightly colored paint. There were handprints, letters drawn from little fingers, stick-figures, and creative art from the young minds of a 4 and 6 year old. The floor was speckled with drippings of paint. Shirts were smeared with paint erased. What couldn't be erased were the smiles on the faces of our boys as they proudly displayed their handiwork. Their mom had given them a clean slate and freedom to paint their bathroom. And the mess that ensued was beautiful.
Friday, October 21, 2011
Encouraging Words
I've worked at the Y for over two years. I know that we have a top-notch array of land fitness classes. For two years, I've promised the Fitness Coordinator that I'd sample a class. Yet, I've always reasoned that taking a sample class would detract from my own fitness regime. My workouts were likely more challenging than the classes that my wife and her friends frequented. My tough-guy workout couldn't be interrupted by an aerobics class.
I was excited to learn that the Y was offering a new Track and Field class this fall. I am a runner, so this was tailored for me as a class I could attend and not veer from my standard workouts. And, it was held at the Dickinson College football field. I imagined us batting the elements while toughing it out through the grit of the football field. Count me in.
After two years of broken promises, the Fitness Coordinator was surprised to see me actually show up for class. She began class with talk of the importance of dynamic stretching (likely not needed for a self-trained athlete like me) and of circuit training, bosu balls, and light kettle weights. I wondered what happened to the sled-blocking drills on the frozen tundra that I imagined. In any case, I was there and intent on breezing through this class made up primarily of women.
"Let's go," the Fitness Coordinator yelled with a smile, "Let's get ready to work." I don't need your encouragement, I thought. I'll walk through this class and then pick up my own workout after class.
As a society, we're cavalier about the sentiment of encouragement. Often, the encouragement that we offer is limited to a short, "keep your head up," or something passed along through Hallmark or a Like button. Even more impersonal, encouragement is just something we stare at in the lunchroom, a laminated poster with a nature scene and a quote about mountaintops.
Encouragement is so much more - it's about interdependence, harmony, and peace. It's about building others up to achieve. Encouragement is about connectedness and strenght in unity.
A recent article from the website Medical News Today (Family Eating Together Better For Children's Health and Body Weight Control, 5/3/11, Editor's Choice) talked of the correlation between shared family meals and better health. Amber J. Hammons, PhD wrote: "Overall, families that eat 5 or more meals together have children who are [healthier]..." The authors of the study went further, "In addition, family meals are predictive of family-connectedness, which may encourage adolescents to talk about [health and nutrition] issues within their families." This, too, is encouragement. It is this picture of families eating together, developing open lines of communication, and inspiring each other to live healthier lives where we see that encouragement works.
I can be distracted, thinking about too many things at one time, and not being fully present in a conversation. At times, I've shared encouraging words with my children, albeit with my back turned to them or yelling to them from the other room. In working with youth in many settings, I've learned that there is nothing more powerful than stopping, adjusting to the eye level of a child, and speaking to directly to them. There aren't too many days that pass that I don't have my children slow and make eye contact, so that I can tell them that I am proud of them; The short interaction seeding lifetimes of acceptance, love, and encouragement.
After only about 15 minutes into class, I was pulling off my sweatshirt. This wasn't because I was uncomfortably hot, but rather to steal a break, a breather, and a drink. I thought that I must have started the drills too fast or were doing them incorrectly as the other people in the class seemed to be cruising along effortlessly. As we moved into circuit training, my stabilizer muscles were shaking wildly and the Draer Roll exercise set me up for humility at it's finest. As I eased out of the exercise, catching a break when the instructor had her back turned, I realized that my workouts were bunk. Or, my workouts were at least isolated to areas that hadn't prepared me to walk through this class. I was challenged, and tired.
As we moved through the class, the instructor took time to specifically and intentionally cheer on each participant, by name. She corrected form and pushed us to go harder. She praised and encouraged, by name. As we tired, we began to do the same. Clapping and cheering for one another, by name. The instructor had pre-planned a high-energy, challenging class and successfully pulled everyone one of us to the end through encouragement. As the challenges heightened so did her calls of encouragement, spreading it throughout the class until the culture of the group was immersed in affirmation. Bring on more Draer Rolls, we can do this! We could have been on a lunchroom poster.
The apostle Paul used the phrase, "encourage one another" multiple times in his letters to the early church. Two thousand years ago, he knew that this idea of encouraging each other was integral to a healthy community. In 2 Cor 13:11, he says, "...Strive for full restoration, encourage one another, be of one mind, live in peace..."
Whether it's encouraging your children through directly speaking positive truth into their day, cultivating trust and communication through family meals, or inspiring a friend to live a healthier life by challenging and then encouraging them to join you for a fitness class - be intentional about building someone else up today. It matters.
I was excited to learn that the Y was offering a new Track and Field class this fall. I am a runner, so this was tailored for me as a class I could attend and not veer from my standard workouts. And, it was held at the Dickinson College football field. I imagined us batting the elements while toughing it out through the grit of the football field. Count me in.
After two years of broken promises, the Fitness Coordinator was surprised to see me actually show up for class. She began class with talk of the importance of dynamic stretching (likely not needed for a self-trained athlete like me) and of circuit training, bosu balls, and light kettle weights. I wondered what happened to the sled-blocking drills on the frozen tundra that I imagined. In any case, I was there and intent on breezing through this class made up primarily of women.
"Let's go," the Fitness Coordinator yelled with a smile, "Let's get ready to work." I don't need your encouragement, I thought. I'll walk through this class and then pick up my own workout after class.
As a society, we're cavalier about the sentiment of encouragement. Often, the encouragement that we offer is limited to a short, "keep your head up," or something passed along through Hallmark or a Like button. Even more impersonal, encouragement is just something we stare at in the lunchroom, a laminated poster with a nature scene and a quote about mountaintops.
Encouragement is so much more - it's about interdependence, harmony, and peace. It's about building others up to achieve. Encouragement is about connectedness and strenght in unity.
A recent article from the website Medical News Today (Family Eating Together Better For Children's Health and Body Weight Control, 5/3/11, Editor's Choice) talked of the correlation between shared family meals and better health. Amber J. Hammons, PhD wrote: "Overall, families that eat 5 or more meals together have children who are [healthier]..." The authors of the study went further, "In addition, family meals are predictive of family-connectedness, which may encourage adolescents to talk about [health and nutrition] issues within their families." This, too, is encouragement. It is this picture of families eating together, developing open lines of communication, and inspiring each other to live healthier lives where we see that encouragement works.
I can be distracted, thinking about too many things at one time, and not being fully present in a conversation. At times, I've shared encouraging words with my children, albeit with my back turned to them or yelling to them from the other room. In working with youth in many settings, I've learned that there is nothing more powerful than stopping, adjusting to the eye level of a child, and speaking to directly to them. There aren't too many days that pass that I don't have my children slow and make eye contact, so that I can tell them that I am proud of them; The short interaction seeding lifetimes of acceptance, love, and encouragement.
After only about 15 minutes into class, I was pulling off my sweatshirt. This wasn't because I was uncomfortably hot, but rather to steal a break, a breather, and a drink. I thought that I must have started the drills too fast or were doing them incorrectly as the other people in the class seemed to be cruising along effortlessly. As we moved into circuit training, my stabilizer muscles were shaking wildly and the Draer Roll exercise set me up for humility at it's finest. As I eased out of the exercise, catching a break when the instructor had her back turned, I realized that my workouts were bunk. Or, my workouts were at least isolated to areas that hadn't prepared me to walk through this class. I was challenged, and tired.
As we moved through the class, the instructor took time to specifically and intentionally cheer on each participant, by name. She corrected form and pushed us to go harder. She praised and encouraged, by name. As we tired, we began to do the same. Clapping and cheering for one another, by name. The instructor had pre-planned a high-energy, challenging class and successfully pulled everyone one of us to the end through encouragement. As the challenges heightened so did her calls of encouragement, spreading it throughout the class until the culture of the group was immersed in affirmation. Bring on more Draer Rolls, we can do this! We could have been on a lunchroom poster.
The apostle Paul used the phrase, "encourage one another" multiple times in his letters to the early church. Two thousand years ago, he knew that this idea of encouraging each other was integral to a healthy community. In 2 Cor 13:11, he says, "...Strive for full restoration, encourage one another, be of one mind, live in peace..."
Whether it's encouraging your children through directly speaking positive truth into their day, cultivating trust and communication through family meals, or inspiring a friend to live a healthier life by challenging and then encouraging them to join you for a fitness class - be intentional about building someone else up today. It matters.
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Exciting News...
Our Y, Awaken Haiti, and One Thousand Gifts all mentioned in this blog / article that was recently picked up by the magazine, On Site Fitness:
Thankful.
Thankful.
Friday, September 16, 2011
3 Simple Steps to Wellness
During a recent marketing meeting, I communicated my desire to simplify the messaging that we were crafting by saying, "We need to break it down to 3 simple steps. You know, just like Special Agent Oso and the '3 Special Steps' song." One of my team members looked at me with a frightened sense that I was going insane. The other team member, who has children, immediately picked up the signing, "Step one... step two..." We found a You tube link to the Special Agent Oso song and sent it to our colleague who wasn't attuned to music inspired by Disney. Special Agent Oso's "3 Special Steps" songs are now a regular part of our marketing discussions.
A recent study linked short-term attention and learning problems in 4-year olds to watching just nine minutes of the "Sponge Bob." (Chicago) Historical research has shown similar connections between watching too much television and long-term attention problems in children, however the recent study showed a more urgent issue in identifying problems after only limited exposure. The children in the study who had watched "Sponge Bob" scored worse on mental function tests after watching the show than those who had watched the slower-paced, PBS cartoon "Caillou" or children who were assigned to draw pictures. This study adds another issue for parents to be alert to in terms of controlling the television that their children are exposed to along with studies that support parallels between increased time watching TV and childhood obesity. U.S. First Lady, Michelle Obama's campaign to reduce childhood obesity contains a focused component of encouraging children to get outside and exercise, supporting the idea of getting kids away from the TV for a bit.
Our family does a reasonable job in controlling the TV habits of our children. Granted, I am all-too-familiar with Disney's Jake and the Neverland Pirates and often find myself singing the theme song to Disney XD's Zeke and Luther. However, we limit the duration of our TV time and most often enjoy those programs together as a family. Most importantly, we balance the time in front of the TV with outdoor play and active exercise, which is mentally and physically healthy for all of us.
Bloomberg reported this week that "the United States health care spending will rise by as much as $66 billion a year by 2030 because of increased childhood obesity if historic trends continue..." That is $66 billion, with a "B." One of the authors of the findings, Boyd Swinburn said, "We are in an obesity and chronic disease crisis, although it doesn't feel like it. It's a little bit like the frog sitting in hot-water -- it doesn't realize that it's going to boil until it's too late." To be certain, these are alarming trends of epidemic proportions.
The good news is that we have the ability to directly and significantly impact chronic disease, obesity, and reportedly, attention problems in children. Epidemics of global proportions can be mitigated. Today. By us. We can start small, but behavior change is imminent.
Change isn't easy, but the prescription is simple, actually it's 3 special steps. Step one: We must make smarter, more nutritious food choices. Natural food that isn't processed is always a better choice. Step two: We must increase our exercise and activity. Walking the dog or choosing the stairs are easy ways to add to our daily activity. Step three: We must intentionally seek lives where our stress is reduced and positive, healthy relationships flourish.
At our house we typically protect Fridays as family night and it often includes pizza dinner and a movie. It's not a bad choice, as we limit pizza to once a week and enjoy the movie time winding down from the busy schedules of the week. But, maybe tonight we'll collaborate to create healthy smoothies for dinner and enjoy an evening outside playing and having a campfire. It's 3 special steps to a healthier evening. And that's a plan Special Agent Oso would love.
A recent study linked short-term attention and learning problems in 4-year olds to watching just nine minutes of the "Sponge Bob." (Chicago) Historical research has shown similar connections between watching too much television and long-term attention problems in children, however the recent study showed a more urgent issue in identifying problems after only limited exposure. The children in the study who had watched "Sponge Bob" scored worse on mental function tests after watching the show than those who had watched the slower-paced, PBS cartoon "Caillou" or children who were assigned to draw pictures. This study adds another issue for parents to be alert to in terms of controlling the television that their children are exposed to along with studies that support parallels between increased time watching TV and childhood obesity. U.S. First Lady, Michelle Obama's campaign to reduce childhood obesity contains a focused component of encouraging children to get outside and exercise, supporting the idea of getting kids away from the TV for a bit.
Our family does a reasonable job in controlling the TV habits of our children. Granted, I am all-too-familiar with Disney's Jake and the Neverland Pirates and often find myself singing the theme song to Disney XD's Zeke and Luther. However, we limit the duration of our TV time and most often enjoy those programs together as a family. Most importantly, we balance the time in front of the TV with outdoor play and active exercise, which is mentally and physically healthy for all of us.
Bloomberg reported this week that "the United States health care spending will rise by as much as $66 billion a year by 2030 because of increased childhood obesity if historic trends continue..." That is $66 billion, with a "B." One of the authors of the findings, Boyd Swinburn said, "We are in an obesity and chronic disease crisis, although it doesn't feel like it. It's a little bit like the frog sitting in hot-water -- it doesn't realize that it's going to boil until it's too late." To be certain, these are alarming trends of epidemic proportions.
The good news is that we have the ability to directly and significantly impact chronic disease, obesity, and reportedly, attention problems in children. Epidemics of global proportions can be mitigated. Today. By us. We can start small, but behavior change is imminent.
Change isn't easy, but the prescription is simple, actually it's 3 special steps. Step one: We must make smarter, more nutritious food choices. Natural food that isn't processed is always a better choice. Step two: We must increase our exercise and activity. Walking the dog or choosing the stairs are easy ways to add to our daily activity. Step three: We must intentionally seek lives where our stress is reduced and positive, healthy relationships flourish.
At our house we typically protect Fridays as family night and it often includes pizza dinner and a movie. It's not a bad choice, as we limit pizza to once a week and enjoy the movie time winding down from the busy schedules of the week. But, maybe tonight we'll collaborate to create healthy smoothies for dinner and enjoy an evening outside playing and having a campfire. It's 3 special steps to a healthier evening. And that's a plan Special Agent Oso would love.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Mentoring to Build a Stronger Community
I've had the opportunity to work with various non-profits, schools, and youth programs during my career. I've been a part of many fine organizations working tirelessly to support and develop youth. While their missions, strategies, and outcomes have varied, I've observed a consistent theme in youth work. It seems that almost exclusively, there is a parallel between troubled youth and fatherless homes. Daily, an all-to-familiar story of pain and loss plays out in the lives of children where Dad is missing in action.
At the Y, we began discussing the idea of developing a new mentoring program. While the brainstorming created a lot of excitement, we quickly recognized that the best way to address this need isn't through an isolated effort, but through a collaborative approach from our community. In turn, we invited local churches, non-profits, schools, and social service providers to join in a book discussion about the fatherless generation while identifying this need locally and the best way to address the issue.
In our country, youth from fatherless homes account for: 63 percent of youth suicides, 71 percent of pregnant teenagers, 90 percent of all homeless and runaway children, 70 percent of juveniles in state operated institutions, 85 percent of all youths sitting in prison, 85 percent of all youth who exhibit behavior disorders, 80 percent of rapists motivated with displaced anger, 71 percent of high school dropouts, and 75 percent of all adolescents in chemical abuse centers (“The Future: Set Adrift on a Sea of Fatherless Children,” Idaho Observer, July 2003. As quoted in: Sowers, John. "Fatherless Generation: Redeeming the Story.” (Zondervan, 2010). Read those again. And again. The downside is that these statistics are extraoridnarily sad. The upside is that we can do something to siginficantly improve these numbers - today.
This Fall, the Y will begin The Mentoring Project initiative (www.thementoringproject.org). This initiative will seek to respond to the crisis of fatherlessness by inspiring and equipping faith communities to mentor fatherless youth. Through dynamic trainings, mentor recruitment, and the creation of sustainable mentoring communities, TMP is rewriting the story of a generation. We can’t bring back all the fathers, but we can provide mentors to step in their place.
The Y isn't going at this alone. The Mentoring Project will begin with a collaborative team that includes Big Brothers Big Sisters, area churches, and local educational institutions with funding support from the Kiwanis Club of Carlisle and Keystone Financial Associates. These agencies have come together to address the growing issue of fatherlessness in our community with the Y serving as the hub.
Donald Miller, founder of the Mentoring Project says, “[The story of the fatherless generation] does not have to be cyclical. It can end with fewer men in prison, less families abandoned, and the fatherless being cared for by positive role models who believe… that we can choose to live a better story.”
How can you be involved?
- Refer a youth, typically a boy between the ages of 7-14 without a father in the home, to be mentored.
- Learn more about what a TMP mentor looks like and if you might be a fit to potentially changes a child’s life through mentoring. The first mentor training will be held on October 8, 2011 at 8:00 a.m. at the Y.
- Get your church involved. Each faith community will have a church liaison that will seek mentors in their church and support mentors in matches.
For more information about The Mentoring Project, contact Steve Kuhn, Youth Outreach Director, at 243-2525 or skuhn@carlislefamilyymca.org.
At the Y, we began discussing the idea of developing a new mentoring program. While the brainstorming created a lot of excitement, we quickly recognized that the best way to address this need isn't through an isolated effort, but through a collaborative approach from our community. In turn, we invited local churches, non-profits, schools, and social service providers to join in a book discussion about the fatherless generation while identifying this need locally and the best way to address the issue.
In our country, youth from fatherless homes account for: 63 percent of youth suicides, 71 percent of pregnant teenagers, 90 percent of all homeless and runaway children, 70 percent of juveniles in state operated institutions, 85 percent of all youths sitting in prison, 85 percent of all youth who exhibit behavior disorders, 80 percent of rapists motivated with displaced anger, 71 percent of high school dropouts, and 75 percent of all adolescents in chemical abuse centers (“The Future: Set Adrift on a Sea of Fatherless Children,” Idaho Observer, July 2003. As quoted in: Sowers, John. "Fatherless Generation: Redeeming the Story.” (Zondervan, 2010). Read those again. And again. The downside is that these statistics are extraoridnarily sad. The upside is that we can do something to siginficantly improve these numbers - today.
This Fall, the Y will begin The Mentoring Project initiative (www.thementoringproject.org). This initiative will seek to respond to the crisis of fatherlessness by inspiring and equipping faith communities to mentor fatherless youth. Through dynamic trainings, mentor recruitment, and the creation of sustainable mentoring communities, TMP is rewriting the story of a generation. We can’t bring back all the fathers, but we can provide mentors to step in their place.
The Y isn't going at this alone. The Mentoring Project will begin with a collaborative team that includes Big Brothers Big Sisters, area churches, and local educational institutions with funding support from the Kiwanis Club of Carlisle and Keystone Financial Associates. These agencies have come together to address the growing issue of fatherlessness in our community with the Y serving as the hub.
Donald Miller, founder of the Mentoring Project says, “[The story of the fatherless generation] does not have to be cyclical. It can end with fewer men in prison, less families abandoned, and the fatherless being cared for by positive role models who believe… that we can choose to live a better story.”
How can you be involved?
- Refer a youth, typically a boy between the ages of 7-14 without a father in the home, to be mentored.
- Learn more about what a TMP mentor looks like and if you might be a fit to potentially changes a child’s life through mentoring. The first mentor training will be held on October 8, 2011 at 8:00 a.m. at the Y.
- Get your church involved. Each faith community will have a church liaison that will seek mentors in their church and support mentors in matches.
For more information about The Mentoring Project, contact Steve Kuhn, Youth Outreach Director, at 243-2525 or skuhn@carlislefamilyymca.org.
Friday, July 29, 2011
Follow our own Jim Mader...
Follow our own Jim Mader at www.jim4strength.wordpress.com as he embarqs on an exciting journey!
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Living Slow
My friend recently returned from a missions trip with Awaken Haiti (www.awakenhaiti.org). He told the story of a Haitian woman who recently enjoyed an improved quality of life in moving from a long-term tent home to a more permanent structure. Rustic and rudimentary, her new shelter offered protection from the elements and offered her the opportunity to make it her home. While doing so, she had decorated her walls with an array of colorful pictures from children who had crafted the drawings in a recent Vacation Bible School event. Her complete contentment was evident in the gifts of moving from long-term tenting and receiving colorful creations from smiling children. Gratitude and joy were thick and seeped from the walls of the shelter. As my friend reflected on the story, he recounted how they set out on the trip to serve Haitians in need. But, who, he wondered aloud, was really being helped and rescued in the experience? Who was poor? Who was rich in life and happiness?
A recent excerpt from the Wall Street Journal (Lahart, Justin) discussed a recent poll (General Social Survey, University of Chicago) that showed the number of Americans who said that they were "very happy" fell to 29% last year. This number has dropped since the recession began and is at the lowest level in the 39-year history of the survey. Lahart says, "... people tend to measure how happy they are not just by the impact of such [economic] forces on their lives but also by comparing their circumstances with their neighbors." If Lahart's theory is true and the happiness index of our society parallels the economy and how well we perceive ourselves to be keeping up with the Jones', perhaps we need rescued.
While I didn't have the opportunity to speak with her, from my friend's retelling of the story I'm sensing that Haitian Woman's happiness factor was fairly high, even in the midst of political instability and environmental turmoil. She had a roof over her head. She had colorful pictures birthed from the hearts of children. She had relationships. Though thousands of miles separate, Haitain Woman's thankful heart illuminates the dark places of my ungratefulness and arrogant self-focus; as I write the conviction grows.
In news from the same day, the Wall Street Journal also reported that News Corp. sold Myspace to a small ad-targeting firm for $35 million. News Corp. purchased Myspace for $580 million six years ago. I'm guessing that News Corp.'s happiness factor is low. Perhaps Myspace is registering a "not too happy" on the scale as well because they certainly haven't kept up with their neighbors at Facebook. Pity.
In this column, we discuss wellness. Often, this includes prescriptions for more activity, exercise, and increased attention to improving our positions of health. When the discussion ends there, we have a tendency to file and pile these well-intentioned tasks on top of our to-do-lists, already bursting at capacity. However, we're remiss if the conversation about wellness doesn't extend to our mental health as well. And the dichotomy between physical and mental wellness is in the pace. While improving our physical health involves increasing our pace of activity, the fog of our mental health is best cleared by living slow.
Author Ann Voskamp (One Thousand Gifts), illustrates this idea well. In a recent blog post she writes about her reflections during a train ride with her family. "Living slow never killed time like hurrying does; hurrying is what races fast, catches up and kills time. Who thinks that doesn’t wound eternity? I’m the one who speeds up the train. Do I have the courage to just slow down? Life’s blurring lull too often sways me into drowsy apathy. But as the train lurches, I am jolted awake, aware: Go slow to see."
Haitian Woman's joy isn't drowned by the state of her circumstances, it's bubbling up within them. Living slow, she finds happiness in the abundance of gifts that surround her daily. Shelter. The Creator's creation: bright sun, blue sky, rains of grace. Children's imaginations drawn carefully careless, smudged with laughter. Do we really desire more out of life than the happiness found by Haitian Woman? Could we really race past her state of affairs to seek the sweet sap of life from our sour position to our neighbors economic condition? Rescue is in order and is found in the simple, wonderfully complex life.
In writing this piece, I'm reminded of the countess blessings that I'm immersed in every day. So many gifts. And the weight of my mental health tangibly lightens, brightens.
As you consider wellness, be encouraged to increase your physical activity and make healthier choices daily. But, do it in tandem with living slow. Be awake, aware, and see.
A recent excerpt from the Wall Street Journal (Lahart, Justin) discussed a recent poll (General Social Survey, University of Chicago) that showed the number of Americans who said that they were "very happy" fell to 29% last year. This number has dropped since the recession began and is at the lowest level in the 39-year history of the survey. Lahart says, "... people tend to measure how happy they are not just by the impact of such [economic] forces on their lives but also by comparing their circumstances with their neighbors." If Lahart's theory is true and the happiness index of our society parallels the economy and how well we perceive ourselves to be keeping up with the Jones', perhaps we need rescued.
While I didn't have the opportunity to speak with her, from my friend's retelling of the story I'm sensing that Haitian Woman's happiness factor was fairly high, even in the midst of political instability and environmental turmoil. She had a roof over her head. She had colorful pictures birthed from the hearts of children. She had relationships. Though thousands of miles separate, Haitain Woman's thankful heart illuminates the dark places of my ungratefulness and arrogant self-focus; as I write the conviction grows.
In news from the same day, the Wall Street Journal also reported that News Corp. sold Myspace to a small ad-targeting firm for $35 million. News Corp. purchased Myspace for $580 million six years ago. I'm guessing that News Corp.'s happiness factor is low. Perhaps Myspace is registering a "not too happy" on the scale as well because they certainly haven't kept up with their neighbors at Facebook. Pity.
In this column, we discuss wellness. Often, this includes prescriptions for more activity, exercise, and increased attention to improving our positions of health. When the discussion ends there, we have a tendency to file and pile these well-intentioned tasks on top of our to-do-lists, already bursting at capacity. However, we're remiss if the conversation about wellness doesn't extend to our mental health as well. And the dichotomy between physical and mental wellness is in the pace. While improving our physical health involves increasing our pace of activity, the fog of our mental health is best cleared by living slow.
Author Ann Voskamp (One Thousand Gifts), illustrates this idea well. In a recent blog post she writes about her reflections during a train ride with her family. "Living slow never killed time like hurrying does; hurrying is what races fast, catches up and kills time. Who thinks that doesn’t wound eternity? I’m the one who speeds up the train. Do I have the courage to just slow down? Life’s blurring lull too often sways me into drowsy apathy. But as the train lurches, I am jolted awake, aware: Go slow to see."
Haitian Woman's joy isn't drowned by the state of her circumstances, it's bubbling up within them. Living slow, she finds happiness in the abundance of gifts that surround her daily. Shelter. The Creator's creation: bright sun, blue sky, rains of grace. Children's imaginations drawn carefully careless, smudged with laughter. Do we really desire more out of life than the happiness found by Haitian Woman? Could we really race past her state of affairs to seek the sweet sap of life from our sour position to our neighbors economic condition? Rescue is in order and is found in the simple, wonderfully complex life.
In writing this piece, I'm reminded of the countess blessings that I'm immersed in every day. So many gifts. And the weight of my mental health tangibly lightens, brightens.
As you consider wellness, be encouraged to increase your physical activity and make healthier choices daily. But, do it in tandem with living slow. Be awake, aware, and see.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
What's Your (Wellness) Sentence?
I was recently intrigued by a professional newsletter that challenged me to create my sentence. In short, it was an assignment to craft a sentence that defines what your life is about and why you're here. In our twitterized culture, it also designated that the sentence be limited to ten to twenty words. On a good day I am a very organized person and on a bad day a perfectionist. In turn, the challenge to define my purpose with such rigid parameters was painful. After much though I arrived at a sentence and I must say that the process was helpful. With attention to detail (a "high-C" for those familiar with the DISC personality profile), I came in at exactly twenty words, each one carefully considered.
The challenge to form your motivational sentence originated from Daniel Pink, author of A Whole New Mind and Drive. According to the trailer on Pink's website, there are two questions that if carefully considered might change your career, your work, or your life. They are, "What's your sentence?" And, "Was I better today than I was yesterday?" Using these two sentences to navigate your life, Pink theorizes, provides focus and purpose.
The history of the question traces back to Clare Booth Luce who was one of the first women to serve in the US Congress. In the 1960's she approached President Kennedy with the statement that "a great man is a sentence." Lincoln's sentence was that he preserved the union and freed the slaves. She was concerned that Kennedy was trying to do too much and that his sentence was in jeopardy of becoming a rambling paragraph. (www.danpink.com)
Too often, in terms of health and wellness our desire and motivation is rooted in purposeful goals (wellness sentences perhaps), but quickly dissolve into rambling paragraphs. We want to eat healthier, drink more water, eat less fast food, reduce our salt intake, walk more, increase our cardio, mix in weight training, practice mindful exercise like yoga, skip the dessert, and on and on... Ultimately, the list becomes too daunting and consequently we scrap it (typically around January 15, a few short weeks after our resolutions). What if we could define our wellness goals in terms of a sentence? Perhaps we could start with something like, "He exercised regularly" or "She ate a well balanced diet" or "They made time for daily activity and exercise together as a family." If we start with a simple, clearly defined purpose and measure it daily against "how was I better today than yesterday," Pink's theory says that our drive, our motivation, and ultimately our success will be positioned to increase.
Of course, the practice of crafting your sentence can transcend fitness to encompass holistic wellness, defining all parts of our lives. The professional newsletter that offered this challenge to me was from the YMCA of the USA and I was inspired by some of the responses that they received.
“He accepted me as I was, saw the potential that lied beneath and helped me to become it.” - Joe Lopez, Jefferson City Area YMCA
“She was the best mother two kids could ever wish for, the best wife a husband could hope for and the best friend and family member to everyone she cared about.” - Teresa Mowry,Blocker Norfolk Family YMCA
“I don’t just work with individuals, I influence self discovery and celebrate their purpose.” - Jenna Grossman, Triunfo YMCA
“She led others to find more joy from the simple things in life, not sweat the small stuff, be thankful for what we have and to follow the golden rule.” - Terri Falkenberg, Marinette-Menominee YMCA
After much thought and over-analyzing, I crafted my sentence. It's much more simple than it would have been had I crafted it a year ago. It's much less career and me centric and more about what I believe matters most. It relates to health and wellness in terms of if I'm not paying attention to my personal health, I'm unable to effectively move toward my purpose daily. Each area represents a priority where I seek to focus. Some days I pursue these areas well. Other days I fail. Ultimately, I'd hope the legacy of my life to be reflective of this sentence:
"He loved God, loved people, deeply valued time with his wife and kids, and ultimately found life to be enough." Matt Tuckey, Carlisle Family YMCA
What's your sentence? I'd love to hear from you and be inspired by your sentences. You can email your responses to mtuckey@carlislefamilyymca.org and I'll explore them in a follow up post (article).
The challenge to form your motivational sentence originated from Daniel Pink, author of A Whole New Mind and Drive. According to the trailer on Pink's website, there are two questions that if carefully considered might change your career, your work, or your life. They are, "What's your sentence?" And, "Was I better today than I was yesterday?" Using these two sentences to navigate your life, Pink theorizes, provides focus and purpose.
The history of the question traces back to Clare Booth Luce who was one of the first women to serve in the US Congress. In the 1960's she approached President Kennedy with the statement that "a great man is a sentence." Lincoln's sentence was that he preserved the union and freed the slaves. She was concerned that Kennedy was trying to do too much and that his sentence was in jeopardy of becoming a rambling paragraph. (www.danpink.com)
Too often, in terms of health and wellness our desire and motivation is rooted in purposeful goals (wellness sentences perhaps), but quickly dissolve into rambling paragraphs. We want to eat healthier, drink more water, eat less fast food, reduce our salt intake, walk more, increase our cardio, mix in weight training, practice mindful exercise like yoga, skip the dessert, and on and on... Ultimately, the list becomes too daunting and consequently we scrap it (typically around January 15, a few short weeks after our resolutions). What if we could define our wellness goals in terms of a sentence? Perhaps we could start with something like, "He exercised regularly" or "She ate a well balanced diet" or "They made time for daily activity and exercise together as a family." If we start with a simple, clearly defined purpose and measure it daily against "how was I better today than yesterday," Pink's theory says that our drive, our motivation, and ultimately our success will be positioned to increase.
Of course, the practice of crafting your sentence can transcend fitness to encompass holistic wellness, defining all parts of our lives. The professional newsletter that offered this challenge to me was from the YMCA of the USA and I was inspired by some of the responses that they received.
“He accepted me as I was, saw the potential that lied beneath and helped me to become it.” - Joe Lopez, Jefferson City Area YMCA
“She was the best mother two kids could ever wish for, the best wife a husband could hope for and the best friend and family member to everyone she cared about.” - Teresa Mowry,Blocker Norfolk Family YMCA
“I don’t just work with individuals, I influence self discovery and celebrate their purpose.” - Jenna Grossman, Triunfo YMCA
“She led others to find more joy from the simple things in life, not sweat the small stuff, be thankful for what we have and to follow the golden rule.” - Terri Falkenberg, Marinette-Menominee YMCA
After much thought and over-analyzing, I crafted my sentence. It's much more simple than it would have been had I crafted it a year ago. It's much less career and me centric and more about what I believe matters most. It relates to health and wellness in terms of if I'm not paying attention to my personal health, I'm unable to effectively move toward my purpose daily. Each area represents a priority where I seek to focus. Some days I pursue these areas well. Other days I fail. Ultimately, I'd hope the legacy of my life to be reflective of this sentence:
"He loved God, loved people, deeply valued time with his wife and kids, and ultimately found life to be enough." Matt Tuckey, Carlisle Family YMCA
What's your sentence? I'd love to hear from you and be inspired by your sentences. You can email your responses to mtuckey@carlislefamilyymca.org and I'll explore them in a follow up post (article).
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
The Single Best Exercise
Gretchen Reynolds recently posed the question, "What's the Single Best Exercise?" (New York Times, April 17, 2011). The article pieced together the expertise of many offering their opinion. The butterfly swim was suggested as were some old-fashioned calisthenics. Interval run/walking was proposed along with the squat life. All things considered, the author concluded that running up the stairs may just be the single best exercise.
My wife, two boys ages 4 and 6, and I packed up our vehicle and traveled to Family Camp 2011. This was our third Family Camp, the first without diapers. We braved the rain and joined a group of ten other families at Camp Thompson for a weekend of adventure.
Family Camp started off with a fun-filled game of adults versus kids dodgeball. The large field in front of Masland Hall set the stage for a showdown of this classic game among families. In the background, more families arrived and were checked into their cabins by Y staff. As one game finished and a new one started, two families introduced themselves, noting that they remembered meeting last year at Family Camp and recognizing how big the kids have grown since then. Off to the side, children who tired of dodgeball made their way over to the trampoline surrounded by parents with flashing cameras. The day unfolded with canoeing, archery, and lawn games.
Employed at the Y, I workout a few days a week. (I would not boast this as my motivated self will, but rather a complete lack of any excuse not to workout as I'm surrounded by opportunities for exercise). I've ran multiple distance races and even attempted a full marathon as well as a sprint triathlon). Overall, I'd consider myself in reasonable shape for my age (my age begins to show simply by using that phrase).
Even so, I was tiring at Family Camp. After dinner on Saturday, my friend and I braved the harsh elements (light drizzle), using our outdoor living skills to masterfully build (lighter and fire starter sticks) a campfire. Our village of cabins enjoyed Smores while the children played, explored, and imagined.
Our children are active. They play outside often, participate in community sports, and battle back the tired with everything that they have. My wife is high energy as well, working out often at the gym or with Billy Banks in the living room. I'd suggest that our family lives an active, healthy lifestyle.
Even so, we were tiring at Family Camp. On Sunday, we woke to homemade breakfast, crafts, lawn games, the Alpine Tower, and free choice. We chose to head out for a hike with our friends. The six adults and seven kids headed for the steep assent to Pole Steeple. It's about a mile up to the lookout. We decided to take a less steep route back down that was suggested by a friend who will remain nameless. The alternate route extended our mile decent three-fold. After a two-and-a-half-hour hike (which only by Divine Intervention included almost no whining and all children walking the entire way on their own), we returned to camp for lunch. Family Camp came to a close with children playing, the sun overpowering the rain, and friends new and old packing up their vehicles.
Both of our sons were asleep before we made it to the main road to return home. They slept as we unpacked the car. The older son slept for 2 hours immediately after school on Monday, passing up his snack and playtime. My legs were sore and my wife and I both fell asleep on the couch Sunday night and again on Monday night (my wife might argue that this is a regular occurrence for me, but I continue to contend it's due to physical exertion).
What's the single best exercise? Running up the stairs carries weight of a fine physical activity. However, I'd argue that for the best exercise that is relational, spiritual, physical, and emotional, pack up your vehicle and travel to a camp. Do it with others you know or meet others along the way. Exercise your mind, heart, body, and spirit while appreciating the beauty of Creation. Nature provides a better holistic exercise than any machine or routine can offer.
My wife, two boys ages 4 and 6, and I packed up our vehicle and traveled to Family Camp 2011. This was our third Family Camp, the first without diapers. We braved the rain and joined a group of ten other families at Camp Thompson for a weekend of adventure.
Family Camp started off with a fun-filled game of adults versus kids dodgeball. The large field in front of Masland Hall set the stage for a showdown of this classic game among families. In the background, more families arrived and were checked into their cabins by Y staff. As one game finished and a new one started, two families introduced themselves, noting that they remembered meeting last year at Family Camp and recognizing how big the kids have grown since then. Off to the side, children who tired of dodgeball made their way over to the trampoline surrounded by parents with flashing cameras. The day unfolded with canoeing, archery, and lawn games.
Employed at the Y, I workout a few days a week. (I would not boast this as my motivated self will, but rather a complete lack of any excuse not to workout as I'm surrounded by opportunities for exercise). I've ran multiple distance races and even attempted a full marathon as well as a sprint triathlon). Overall, I'd consider myself in reasonable shape for my age (my age begins to show simply by using that phrase).
Even so, I was tiring at Family Camp. After dinner on Saturday, my friend and I braved the harsh elements (light drizzle), using our outdoor living skills to masterfully build (lighter and fire starter sticks) a campfire. Our village of cabins enjoyed Smores while the children played, explored, and imagined.
Our children are active. They play outside often, participate in community sports, and battle back the tired with everything that they have. My wife is high energy as well, working out often at the gym or with Billy Banks in the living room. I'd suggest that our family lives an active, healthy lifestyle.
Even so, we were tiring at Family Camp. On Sunday, we woke to homemade breakfast, crafts, lawn games, the Alpine Tower, and free choice. We chose to head out for a hike with our friends. The six adults and seven kids headed for the steep assent to Pole Steeple. It's about a mile up to the lookout. We decided to take a less steep route back down that was suggested by a friend who will remain nameless. The alternate route extended our mile decent three-fold. After a two-and-a-half-hour hike (which only by Divine Intervention included almost no whining and all children walking the entire way on their own), we returned to camp for lunch. Family Camp came to a close with children playing, the sun overpowering the rain, and friends new and old packing up their vehicles.
Both of our sons were asleep before we made it to the main road to return home. They slept as we unpacked the car. The older son slept for 2 hours immediately after school on Monday, passing up his snack and playtime. My legs were sore and my wife and I both fell asleep on the couch Sunday night and again on Monday night (my wife might argue that this is a regular occurrence for me, but I continue to contend it's due to physical exertion).
What's the single best exercise? Running up the stairs carries weight of a fine physical activity. However, I'd argue that for the best exercise that is relational, spiritual, physical, and emotional, pack up your vehicle and travel to a camp. Do it with others you know or meet others along the way. Exercise your mind, heart, body, and spirit while appreciating the beauty of Creation. Nature provides a better holistic exercise than any machine or routine can offer.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Living Well Through Learning Well
The sawdust puffed from the back and forth of the hand saw on the board wood. My grandfather huffed with each smooth stroke as my 3-year old watched intently. My wife's vision for window seats around our dining room table were coming to fruition, carefully constructed by the years of experience that my grandfather offered to the project. The 3-year old worked quietly alongside, mirroring the tasks, wondering why his plastic tools didn't produce the same results as the heavy steel tools used by his great-grand-dad. I stood by, foreman (runner) of the project, appreciating the multi-generational teaching - the giving and receiving.
Recently, I was getting in an early afternoon workout at the Y. I took my seat on a rowing machine, planning to do a 5-minute cool down. Within a moment, a friend from church, retired dentist, sat next to me. Dentist pays close attention to his physical and mental health, visiting the Y often to exercise both. He began to row next to me, effortlessly. He is a storyteller. Not one that you hope quickly finds the ending of their recount, but one who you're intrigued to ask questions, to ask for another story, to ask for more. We talked of Japan's crisis, of World Wars, and of the world's wars. Stories of horses bought and sold, of weather on the west coast, and of parenting lessons. He's smart, reflective, well seasoned for this season of life. The timer on my rowing machine read 30 minutes, but I didn't care. I rowed on. And listened.
I'm appreciative that the Sentinel runs this blog as a monthly article. I've enjoyed many comments and conversations in the moving of the words from virtual to print. I even received a hand-written note from a former high school teacher, saying that the articles are appreciated and that she uses them in her class to provoke discussion. In her humility, there wasn't mention of the articles being fruits of her (and so many other teachers and mentors) seeding. Gardens of education grown up. Lessons of life being passed on, cultivated, nourished.
A recent headline read, Exercising gets more important with age (Lloyd, Janice, USA Today). The article talked of the importance of continued physical activity as people age for improved physical health and longevity. Conversely, I'd offer another thought headline, The aged are important for our exercise. There is a component of wellness that is found in the circle of giving back, those with more wisdom and experience and life pouring back into those of us with so much left to learn. The rowing helps my heart beat stronger, the conversation with someone whose walked more life than I helps my mind grow deeper.
Health and wellness is found in not only the physical, but the emotional, social, and spiritual. The next time you invest in exercise, carve out time to step beyond a solitary regiment of activity. Consider adding to your workout the opportunity to seek out and listen to the aged, the seasoned, the experienced. Proverbs 2:2-3 reads, "Tune your ears to wisdom, and concentrate on understanding. Cry out for insight and ask for understanding."
Much to the chagrin of my wife, I am not home improvement guy. My construction of the widow seats would have consisted of calling for price quotes. But, on this day, I was glad that I'm not skilled in carpentry. I learned more from watching and the lessons had nothing to do with woodworking.
Recently, I was getting in an early afternoon workout at the Y. I took my seat on a rowing machine, planning to do a 5-minute cool down. Within a moment, a friend from church, retired dentist, sat next to me. Dentist pays close attention to his physical and mental health, visiting the Y often to exercise both. He began to row next to me, effortlessly. He is a storyteller. Not one that you hope quickly finds the ending of their recount, but one who you're intrigued to ask questions, to ask for another story, to ask for more. We talked of Japan's crisis, of World Wars, and of the world's wars. Stories of horses bought and sold, of weather on the west coast, and of parenting lessons. He's smart, reflective, well seasoned for this season of life. The timer on my rowing machine read 30 minutes, but I didn't care. I rowed on. And listened.
I'm appreciative that the Sentinel runs this blog as a monthly article. I've enjoyed many comments and conversations in the moving of the words from virtual to print. I even received a hand-written note from a former high school teacher, saying that the articles are appreciated and that she uses them in her class to provoke discussion. In her humility, there wasn't mention of the articles being fruits of her (and so many other teachers and mentors) seeding. Gardens of education grown up. Lessons of life being passed on, cultivated, nourished.
A recent headline read, Exercising gets more important with age (Lloyd, Janice, USA Today). The article talked of the importance of continued physical activity as people age for improved physical health and longevity. Conversely, I'd offer another thought headline, The aged are important for our exercise. There is a component of wellness that is found in the circle of giving back, those with more wisdom and experience and life pouring back into those of us with so much left to learn. The rowing helps my heart beat stronger, the conversation with someone whose walked more life than I helps my mind grow deeper.
Health and wellness is found in not only the physical, but the emotional, social, and spiritual. The next time you invest in exercise, carve out time to step beyond a solitary regiment of activity. Consider adding to your workout the opportunity to seek out and listen to the aged, the seasoned, the experienced. Proverbs 2:2-3 reads, "Tune your ears to wisdom, and concentrate on understanding. Cry out for insight and ask for understanding."
Much to the chagrin of my wife, I am not home improvement guy. My construction of the widow seats would have consisted of calling for price quotes. But, on this day, I was glad that I'm not skilled in carpentry. I learned more from watching and the lessons had nothing to do with woodworking.
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