I've never received more comments than I did from the article last month about dealing with fear. Some said that they enjoyed the article. Others said that the ideas about fear really resonated with them (often, they said this in a hushed voice, to not fully disclose to others that they might in fact experience fear). A few had questions about my wife's trip to Haiti. And, one even stated that they couldn't get past the sappiness of the opening paragraph, so they couldn't really offer any feedback on the idea. Apparently, fear is a topic that tends to be publicly ignored but rampant in our hearts and minds.
The article talked about framing fear as an opportunity to learn and how living a life that is truly life is often found on the other side of fear. Going further, I'd offer that dealing with fear in a healthy way requires our showing up with a freedom to fail and a passionate hope that regardless of the outcome, there is something breathtakingly clear once we pass through the fog of fear. Fear is best lived when we understand our role in a bigger story. When the story is significant, fear becomes small.
Cus D'Amato, famed trainer and mentor of Mike Tyson, told a story about fear. He said that as a kid, the local bully called him to a showdown in the street Saturday night at 9 o'clock sharp. He recounts that the other kid was a real tough-guy. Cus said that he was scared. But, in this neighborhood, at this time, he knew that he had to show up. The waiting and anxious anticipation was excruciating. Cus said, "Anyway, I'm sitting there, really sweating... Nine o'clock comes and the... guy isn't there. Quarter after nine, the... guy isn't there. Nine-thirty, I'm still waiting, and all the time the waiting is getting worse because this guy is gonna be there, and I'm gonna have to fight him. Finally, at ten o'clock, one of his buddies comes and says the... guy is scared. He ain't showing. It was the happiest moment of my life." Cus showed up and the situation he so feared didn't happen. Isn't this often the case? It's the fear of the fear that derails us, not the circumstances in them. My friend, the Counselor, says that it's like camping in the woods. We know that there are potentially bears in the woods. We have a few choices. We can see the reality that we've taken precautions to camp safely, lie down with reasonable expectations of safety, and enjoy our time in nature. Or, we can ignite our adrenaline into red alert with the possibility that a bear could attack and suffer through the trip with wired anxiety, missing pleasurable experiences along the way. Finally, we could just never go camping because bears are sometimes in the woods. Much of dealing with our fear is just showing up.
When we show up, we should also come with a goal to achieve and a freedom to fail. Take this exchange from Rocky III,
Rocky (to his wife, Adrian, talking about an upcoming fight): I'm afraid! All right?! You want to hear me say it? You want to break me down? All right, I'm afraid. For the first time in my life, I'm afraid.
Adrian: I'm afraid too. There's nothing wrong with being afraid.
Rocky: There is. For me, there is.
Adrian: Why? You're human aren't you?
Rocky: Look, I don't know what I am...
Adrian: ...But it doesn't matter what I believe because you're the one that's got to carry that fear around inside you... Well, none of it's true! But it doesn't matter if I tell you. It doesn't matter, because you're the one that's gotta settle it. Get rid of it! ...Look what it's doing to you now. [we] think you can do it... But you gotta want to do it for the right reasons...
Rocky: And if I lose?
Adrian: Then you lose. But at least you lose with no excuses, no fear. And I know you can live with that.
The fear of failure can be paralyzing. In fact, it's why many times we don't show up. Radical success requires calculated risk. Seth Godin, author and speaker, says that when he hires someone if they don't fail at a project within a designated period of time, he is forced to let them go. Failures are the pathway to innovation. Failure fosters creativity. Failure sharpens and molds us into something greater. Failure reinforces the idea that our world isn't the world and self-confidence comes in cultivating trust in something greater than ourselves.
Fear shrinks when we show up with a freedom to fail and maintain hope that there is something better on the other side of the experience. I am a runner. Not avid, just armature. For years, I'd never run because of the dreadful conditions of the first mile or two. A tight chest, heavy legs, and short breath don't make for an energizing exercise routine. Yet, as any runner knows, once you get through the first minutes, there is something better. A powerfully calming feeling that brings clarity and endurance overtakes you. This is sometimes referred to as a "runner's high." But, you can't get there without the pain of the first few miles. Similarly, my wife's trip to Haiti included stepping into the unknown. The goodbyes, the ambiguity of what the trip would look like, the disconnection to the world - to us, the self-doubt of whether she could really help all fanned the flames of fear. She showed up with a freedom to fail and a hope that something greater was on the other side. There was. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J7rgKFjocDU). The trip fundamentally changed her, and us, forever, but this transformation couldn't be found without the initial prickly, piercing pain.
I am inspired to see this process unfold at the Y everyday. John Ulsh, all but pronounced dead after a tragic car accident with his family, walks and talks with life and energy at the Y, sharing his hope with others. He often wakes with renewed fear about his recovery, but he shows up with a freedom to fail and a hope that each day brings a new growth experience. I see many people with disabilities that most of us will never know, coming to the Y and greeting their fears, often with amazing support of others, and stepping through them to something better. I workout with pastors and retired dentists and kids that think my 37 years are ancient and I hear their stories of ginormous fears faced and lives changed in the process.
"Fear not." The Bible says that a lot, somewhere around 355+ times, almost once for every day of the year. (New Day, New You: 366 Devotions for Enjoying Everyday Life By Joyce Meyer). Why? I don't believe it's a command to find the fortitude within ourselves to never feel fear. Instead, I believe it's a call to understand our role in a bigger story. Our lives are mere drops in the sea of eternity. We are role players in a story bigger than ourselves. There are subplots unfolding daily in our families, communities, nation, and world. In spite of the fear, when we show up with a freedom to fail and with passionate hope, we weave another thread into the fabric of our society, creating something that we may not see clearly, but is substantive for generations to come. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known (1 Cor 13:12 NIV).
Monday, February 20, 2012
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Healthy Fear
It was Thursday, January 12 at 1:00 a.m. I stood in the kitchen holding my wife in my arms, her sobbing breaking the silence of the early morning. "I'm so scared." She said. Her bags were packed and the car was idling outside, both ready for her departure. We were not as ready. She was preparing to go on a mission trip with Awaken Haiti (www.awakenhaiti.com). She had never left our boys for more than 24 hours. She had no idea of what to expect in Haiti. She gets plane-sick. The fear was thick as we said our goodbyes. I was consciously reassuring, but I'm not sure that I masked my own fears. I wasn't worried about being a single parent for a week (I was confident in pizza take out and the durability of wearing jeans many days in a row). I was scared about my lack of control. I couldn't talk or communicate to her during this trip. I wouldn't know that she was ok. I couldn't care for or protect her. We were scared. We stood in the fear for a moment, prayed, and she left.
Fear is a powerful force. It's defined as a "distressing emotion by impending danger... whether the threat is real or imagined..." (dictionary.com). As a society, we don't like to recognize fear. We're conditioned to have a fear of fear. In turn, we make bumper stickers to negate the reality of fear, as some sort of invisible shield to ward of its effect on our Volkswagens. When we fail to recognize it, fear compels us toward addictions, avoidance, and apathy and drives us away from opportunity, trust, and courage. Often, fear is an emotion that we simply pretend isn't there, isn't real, and when we do this, fear is roots itself deeper in our backyards, poisoning the well.
Last week, the USA Today reported a story of an Alaskan couple who were out walking their two golden retrievers when a moose attacked the man, stomping him to the ground, breaking seven of his ribs in the process. When the moose came at her, she ran back to their truck, grabbed a shovel, and "hit it with everything [she] had." (USA Today, January 24, 2012).
Fear can be a healthy emotion. It allows us to sense danger, evaluate risk, and determine a response. Danger is a part of our world and fear is a tool to help us navigate through the choppy waters of risk. Mark Batterson, author of "In A Pit With A Lion On A Snowy Day" says, "The goal of life is not the elimination of fear. The goal is to muster the moral courage to [confront that fear]" (38). In fact, he says that in reflecting on our lives, we're more likely to regret the opportunities that we didn't seize, the ones that we missed sometimes because of fear, than those that we did and regretted. To achieve all that we've been created to be, we must find the courage to face our fears. Batterson says, "One courageous choice may be the only thing between you and your dream becoming a reality" (123).
Our friends, Jeff and Deb Denglinger felt a call to serve the people of Haiti a few years ago. As their role in developing Awaken Haiti began to crystallize, it became apparent to them that they were called to actually move to Haiti. Jeff had a successful construction business and they have three school aged children. The fear of moving to a place of such uncertainty and need was breathtaking. Yet, they sold everything and moved their family to Haiti. They entered the ocean of fear with a triple summersault dive.
Legendary boxing trainer Cus D'Amato said, "Heroes and cowards feel exactly the same fear. Heroes just react to it differently." Our mental health is best served when we identify the fear for what it is - an emotional response. From there, we can determine if the fear is resulting from something real or imagined. In turn, we can call on what's needed in response. It might be unlearning an irrational fear. It might be battling back an imagined fear with reality and truth. Or, it might be calling on something greater within us to not cower from the fear, but to stand against it and walk through it.
My wife went on her trip to Haiti. She was lonely, afraid, and scared in many ways. Yet, walking through that fear to serve others in Haiti offered her a life-changing experience. Most significantly, she observed that many Haitians who live in desolate and deplorable conditions, have an interesting response to their fears - joy. Their joy drowns their fears. My wife is finding new life in this truth only because she stood in her fear and made the trip to Haiti.
Likewise, the Denlingers are living new lives of significance, accessible only because they stepped into their fear of moving to Haiti. In their words, "We've been challenged to take back our faith from the American dream, to live life 'Wide Awake'... to live a life that demands an explanation..." This, an opportunity only available by diving into their fear.
The Alaskan couple escaped the moose attack, as did their dogs. The 85 year old woman who stood 5 feet tall and weighs 97 pounds faced fear and beat it back with a shovel.
Fear can be a violently destructive emotion that destroys lives, squelches opportunities, and numbs us to living life "wide awake." Or, it can be a healthy emotion that is a tool that we use to grow in courage, trust, and experience. Maybe the fear you face today isn't about packing up your family and moving to Haiti. Maybe it's about making healthier choices for your life, or a seizing a new opportunity that seems risky, or ending or starting a new relationship. Whatever the case, don't let fear be a barrier to a better you.
Author and blogger Ann Voskamp says this, "Today is always the best day to end the fears and begin being the best you... The relief is in the release of everything into the hands of God... abandon and abide - all is well."
Fear is a powerful force. It's defined as a "distressing emotion by impending danger... whether the threat is real or imagined..." (dictionary.com). As a society, we don't like to recognize fear. We're conditioned to have a fear of fear. In turn, we make bumper stickers to negate the reality of fear, as some sort of invisible shield to ward of its effect on our Volkswagens. When we fail to recognize it, fear compels us toward addictions, avoidance, and apathy and drives us away from opportunity, trust, and courage. Often, fear is an emotion that we simply pretend isn't there, isn't real, and when we do this, fear is roots itself deeper in our backyards, poisoning the well.
Last week, the USA Today reported a story of an Alaskan couple who were out walking their two golden retrievers when a moose attacked the man, stomping him to the ground, breaking seven of his ribs in the process. When the moose came at her, she ran back to their truck, grabbed a shovel, and "hit it with everything [she] had." (USA Today, January 24, 2012).
Fear can be a healthy emotion. It allows us to sense danger, evaluate risk, and determine a response. Danger is a part of our world and fear is a tool to help us navigate through the choppy waters of risk. Mark Batterson, author of "In A Pit With A Lion On A Snowy Day" says, "The goal of life is not the elimination of fear. The goal is to muster the moral courage to [confront that fear]" (38). In fact, he says that in reflecting on our lives, we're more likely to regret the opportunities that we didn't seize, the ones that we missed sometimes because of fear, than those that we did and regretted. To achieve all that we've been created to be, we must find the courage to face our fears. Batterson says, "One courageous choice may be the only thing between you and your dream becoming a reality" (123).
Our friends, Jeff and Deb Denglinger felt a call to serve the people of Haiti a few years ago. As their role in developing Awaken Haiti began to crystallize, it became apparent to them that they were called to actually move to Haiti. Jeff had a successful construction business and they have three school aged children. The fear of moving to a place of such uncertainty and need was breathtaking. Yet, they sold everything and moved their family to Haiti. They entered the ocean of fear with a triple summersault dive.
Legendary boxing trainer Cus D'Amato said, "Heroes and cowards feel exactly the same fear. Heroes just react to it differently." Our mental health is best served when we identify the fear for what it is - an emotional response. From there, we can determine if the fear is resulting from something real or imagined. In turn, we can call on what's needed in response. It might be unlearning an irrational fear. It might be battling back an imagined fear with reality and truth. Or, it might be calling on something greater within us to not cower from the fear, but to stand against it and walk through it.
My wife went on her trip to Haiti. She was lonely, afraid, and scared in many ways. Yet, walking through that fear to serve others in Haiti offered her a life-changing experience. Most significantly, she observed that many Haitians who live in desolate and deplorable conditions, have an interesting response to their fears - joy. Their joy drowns their fears. My wife is finding new life in this truth only because she stood in her fear and made the trip to Haiti.
Likewise, the Denlingers are living new lives of significance, accessible only because they stepped into their fear of moving to Haiti. In their words, "We've been challenged to take back our faith from the American dream, to live life 'Wide Awake'... to live a life that demands an explanation..." This, an opportunity only available by diving into their fear.
The Alaskan couple escaped the moose attack, as did their dogs. The 85 year old woman who stood 5 feet tall and weighs 97 pounds faced fear and beat it back with a shovel.
Fear can be a violently destructive emotion that destroys lives, squelches opportunities, and numbs us to living life "wide awake." Or, it can be a healthy emotion that is a tool that we use to grow in courage, trust, and experience. Maybe the fear you face today isn't about packing up your family and moving to Haiti. Maybe it's about making healthier choices for your life, or a seizing a new opportunity that seems risky, or ending or starting a new relationship. Whatever the case, don't let fear be a barrier to a better you.
Author and blogger Ann Voskamp says this, "Today is always the best day to end the fears and begin being the best you... The relief is in the release of everything into the hands of God... abandon and abide - all is well."
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Generic Wellness Won't Work
Typically, I'm a cost conscious guy. I'll always consider the mildly labeled product that reads, "Compare to... ABC brand” The generic alternative often offers me a nearly identical product at a lower cost. At the same time, I'm also a bit of a skeptic. I stand in the store aisle and read the label of any particular product, comparing the generic to the branded version and debate with myself, "While the ingredients read the same, they can't really be the same, can they? Certainly the branded version has a leg up in effectiveness or something, just look at the colorful marketing on the packaging." In many cases, I am wasting my time as the products are, in fact, seemingly identical. Yet, sometimes there is a difference. Take Rice Krispies for example. While the "Crisped Rice" version offers a cost savings, they just don't snap, crackle, and pop in the same way as their legendary counterpart. And maybe it's just me, but the bags of the generic cereal never seem to open easily. You pull and tug until the bags bursts on all sides, cereal spilling everywhere. English muffins are the same. While the generic offers something that looks very similar, Thomas' version has nooks and crannies abounding throughout while the knock off has a flattened surface allowing your spread to just melt and run off the top. In that case, I might as well just have had toast. While generic alternatives are often an economical option, it's in the details that you must pay close attention to not sacrifice quality.
Most health care dollars are spent on treatment as opposed to prevention. In fact, according to the PA Dept of Health, of every dollar spent on health care, only about 4 cents is spent on prevention and public health. In turn, most is spent on treating preventable diseases ($55.9 billion in PA). One such preventable disease is the obesity epidemic. According to a source report referenced by the PA Dept of Health, Pennsylvania's rank has dropped from the 22nd heaviest state (2009) to 19th heaviest (2011). In addition, 1 in 3 Pennsylvania babies born in 2000 will develop diabetes in their lifetime due to the obesity epidemic. This tragedy is relatively easy to address, yet we too often fail to make considerable progress. Why? Perhaps the solutions offered are too generic.
In the book, Switch, the Heath brothers talk about a particular community where there was a highly touted initiative to promote wellness and make their community healthier. In spite of considerable resources and funding, it failed. After reviewing their approach, they determined that the messaging was too generic. "Get Healthy," is ambiguous. Instead, they targeted one particular message. They asked people to make one, small change and switch from 2% milk to skim. The initiative was a success and the results were tangible and quantifiable in terms of improving the health of their community. The message wasn't generic, it was specific.
A place like the Y offers a vast array of health and wellness options. Recently, we've worked to consolidate our main messaging in our ongoing efforts to improve the nation's health and well-being. When you visit the Y, you can receive a refrigerator-friendly takeaway that outlines 3 simple steps to a healthier lifestyle. Detailed points are highlighted under the steps of Get Fit, You Are What You Eat, and Stay Motivated. Follow these three specific steps and you're likely to see results.
Seeking the generic can be an efficient approach to shopping. It's not effective in promoting health and wellness. The focus and the details matter. "Be healthier" or "exercise more" often aren't tangible enough to move anyone to action. Reduce sugary beverages from your diet and walk at least 30-60 minutes daily (even if it's around your workplace) are more practical.
As we enter 2012, I encourage you to be frugal and go with the generic when it makes sense. However, when it comes to pursuing a healthier lifestyle or, perhaps, choosing breakfast foods, be specific and don't sacrifice quality or results.
Most health care dollars are spent on treatment as opposed to prevention. In fact, according to the PA Dept of Health, of every dollar spent on health care, only about 4 cents is spent on prevention and public health. In turn, most is spent on treating preventable diseases ($55.9 billion in PA). One such preventable disease is the obesity epidemic. According to a source report referenced by the PA Dept of Health, Pennsylvania's rank has dropped from the 22nd heaviest state (2009) to 19th heaviest (2011). In addition, 1 in 3 Pennsylvania babies born in 2000 will develop diabetes in their lifetime due to the obesity epidemic. This tragedy is relatively easy to address, yet we too often fail to make considerable progress. Why? Perhaps the solutions offered are too generic.
In the book, Switch, the Heath brothers talk about a particular community where there was a highly touted initiative to promote wellness and make their community healthier. In spite of considerable resources and funding, it failed. After reviewing their approach, they determined that the messaging was too generic. "Get Healthy," is ambiguous. Instead, they targeted one particular message. They asked people to make one, small change and switch from 2% milk to skim. The initiative was a success and the results were tangible and quantifiable in terms of improving the health of their community. The message wasn't generic, it was specific.
A place like the Y offers a vast array of health and wellness options. Recently, we've worked to consolidate our main messaging in our ongoing efforts to improve the nation's health and well-being. When you visit the Y, you can receive a refrigerator-friendly takeaway that outlines 3 simple steps to a healthier lifestyle. Detailed points are highlighted under the steps of Get Fit, You Are What You Eat, and Stay Motivated. Follow these three specific steps and you're likely to see results.
Seeking the generic can be an efficient approach to shopping. It's not effective in promoting health and wellness. The focus and the details matter. "Be healthier" or "exercise more" often aren't tangible enough to move anyone to action. Reduce sugary beverages from your diet and walk at least 30-60 minutes daily (even if it's around your workplace) are more practical.
As we enter 2012, I encourage you to be frugal and go with the generic when it makes sense. However, when it comes to pursuing a healthier lifestyle or, perhaps, choosing breakfast foods, be specific and don't sacrifice quality or results.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Just Let the Kids Play!
You've seen them, the hovering parents. They are at the playground, walking their child from the slide to the swing to the monkey bars; prompting, directing, and managing their young one through each activity. They are at school, the parent who wants their child's day scripted, for prior review and input followed by post day evaluation. They are in backyards across our community, taking over their child's fort-building project to do it more effectively and efficiently. The child who had started to build their backyard fort with a vision in mind is resigned to sitting off to the side, watching their parent build the fort, now complete with a watch tower, kitchenette, and sleeping quarters. When the fort is finished, the parent beams and says to their child, "Look at what you built!" The child forces a smile.
I've too often been this parent, trying to control and direct my child's play in order to maximize their childhood experience. I want them to learn, grow, and develop through not allowing them to miss a single, rich opportunity offered by various clubs, programs, sports, and structured quality time with their parents. Unfortunately, instead of fanning the flames of creativity and learning, this approach smothers independence and development.
Free play time is in steep decline throughout our society and the consequences may be more dire than people think. "Since about 1955... Children’s free play has been continually declining, at least partly because adults have exerted ever-increasing control over children's activities," says the author Peter Gray, Ph.D., Professor of Psychology (emeritus) at Boston College (Entin, Esther, “All Work and No Play: Why Your Kids Are More Anxious, Depressed," The Atlantic.com, Oct 2011). Free play is described as play that is self-direct and initiated by the child rather than prompted by an adult or through an organized activity. Gray further contends that hovering parents are a significant barrier to free play. "It is hard to find groups of children outdoors at all, and, if you do find them, they are likely [in a structured activity]." He references a 1997 study that showed 6-8 years olds spent 18% more time at school, 145% more time doing school work, and 168% more time shopping with parents when compared to the same group sixteen years earlier. The result is less free time. Further reducing free time, many schools and child care programs have cut recess or free play time to make room for more [structured] programming.
Dr. Gray states 5 main benefits of free play for children, all supporting their developing mental health.
1. Play gives children a chance to find and develop a connection to their own self-identified and self-guided interests.
2. It is through play that children first learn how to make decisions, solve problems, exert self control, and follow rules.
3. Children learn to handle their emotions, including anger and fear, during play.
4. Play helps children make friends and learn to get along with each other as equals.
5. Most importantly, play is a source of happiness.
Dr. Gray draws a parallel between the loss of free, unstructured play to the significant increase of anxiety and depression among children in the past 60 years. Studies have documents this trend and, in addition, they've shown suicide rates among youth increasing at an alarming rate during the same period. Gray contends that as a society, we should look closely at free play, the core value it has in the emotional and mental health of children, and mitigate the factors that have almost eliminated it from the lives of children today.
My wife is such a blessing to me in this area. She's made me realize that cereal crumbs on the couch, little faces smudged with jelly, and muddy jeans are not only bearable, but things for which we must be thankful. She often reins me in when I want to direct our children's play as well. "Just let them do it their way," She says, "its ok." According to Dr. Gray, it's not just "ok," but rather imperative.
Entin concludes, "The competing needs for childcare, academic and athletic success, and children's safety are compelling. But perhaps parents can begin to identify small changes -- such as openings in the schedule, backing off from quite so many supervised activities, and possibly less hovering on the playground that would start the pendulum returning to the direction of free, imaginative, kid-directed play."
I received a text from my wife today that read, "Don't be annoyed when you get home... house a mess... doing a project w/ the boys, but will be fun." My panic set in as I wondered what this might mean. When I arrived home, the kid's bathroom was awash in brightly colored paint. There were handprints, letters drawn from little fingers, stick-figures, and creative art from the young minds of a 4 and 6 year old. The floor was speckled with drippings of paint. Shirts were smeared with paint erased. What couldn't be erased were the smiles on the faces of our boys as they proudly displayed their handiwork. Their mom had given them a clean slate and freedom to paint their bathroom. And the mess that ensued was beautiful.
I've too often been this parent, trying to control and direct my child's play in order to maximize their childhood experience. I want them to learn, grow, and develop through not allowing them to miss a single, rich opportunity offered by various clubs, programs, sports, and structured quality time with their parents. Unfortunately, instead of fanning the flames of creativity and learning, this approach smothers independence and development.
Free play time is in steep decline throughout our society and the consequences may be more dire than people think. "Since about 1955... Children’s free play has been continually declining, at least partly because adults have exerted ever-increasing control over children's activities," says the author Peter Gray, Ph.D., Professor of Psychology (emeritus) at Boston College (Entin, Esther, “All Work and No Play: Why Your Kids Are More Anxious, Depressed," The Atlantic.com, Oct 2011). Free play is described as play that is self-direct and initiated by the child rather than prompted by an adult or through an organized activity. Gray further contends that hovering parents are a significant barrier to free play. "It is hard to find groups of children outdoors at all, and, if you do find them, they are likely [in a structured activity]." He references a 1997 study that showed 6-8 years olds spent 18% more time at school, 145% more time doing school work, and 168% more time shopping with parents when compared to the same group sixteen years earlier. The result is less free time. Further reducing free time, many schools and child care programs have cut recess or free play time to make room for more [structured] programming.
Dr. Gray states 5 main benefits of free play for children, all supporting their developing mental health.
1. Play gives children a chance to find and develop a connection to their own self-identified and self-guided interests.
2. It is through play that children first learn how to make decisions, solve problems, exert self control, and follow rules.
3. Children learn to handle their emotions, including anger and fear, during play.
4. Play helps children make friends and learn to get along with each other as equals.
5. Most importantly, play is a source of happiness.
Dr. Gray draws a parallel between the loss of free, unstructured play to the significant increase of anxiety and depression among children in the past 60 years. Studies have documents this trend and, in addition, they've shown suicide rates among youth increasing at an alarming rate during the same period. Gray contends that as a society, we should look closely at free play, the core value it has in the emotional and mental health of children, and mitigate the factors that have almost eliminated it from the lives of children today.
My wife is such a blessing to me in this area. She's made me realize that cereal crumbs on the couch, little faces smudged with jelly, and muddy jeans are not only bearable, but things for which we must be thankful. She often reins me in when I want to direct our children's play as well. "Just let them do it their way," She says, "its ok." According to Dr. Gray, it's not just "ok," but rather imperative.
Entin concludes, "The competing needs for childcare, academic and athletic success, and children's safety are compelling. But perhaps parents can begin to identify small changes -- such as openings in the schedule, backing off from quite so many supervised activities, and possibly less hovering on the playground that would start the pendulum returning to the direction of free, imaginative, kid-directed play."
I received a text from my wife today that read, "Don't be annoyed when you get home... house a mess... doing a project w/ the boys, but will be fun." My panic set in as I wondered what this might mean. When I arrived home, the kid's bathroom was awash in brightly colored paint. There were handprints, letters drawn from little fingers, stick-figures, and creative art from the young minds of a 4 and 6 year old. The floor was speckled with drippings of paint. Shirts were smeared with paint erased. What couldn't be erased were the smiles on the faces of our boys as they proudly displayed their handiwork. Their mom had given them a clean slate and freedom to paint their bathroom. And the mess that ensued was beautiful.
Friday, October 21, 2011
Encouraging Words
I've worked at the Y for over two years. I know that we have a top-notch array of land fitness classes. For two years, I've promised the Fitness Coordinator that I'd sample a class. Yet, I've always reasoned that taking a sample class would detract from my own fitness regime. My workouts were likely more challenging than the classes that my wife and her friends frequented. My tough-guy workout couldn't be interrupted by an aerobics class.
I was excited to learn that the Y was offering a new Track and Field class this fall. I am a runner, so this was tailored for me as a class I could attend and not veer from my standard workouts. And, it was held at the Dickinson College football field. I imagined us batting the elements while toughing it out through the grit of the football field. Count me in.
After two years of broken promises, the Fitness Coordinator was surprised to see me actually show up for class. She began class with talk of the importance of dynamic stretching (likely not needed for a self-trained athlete like me) and of circuit training, bosu balls, and light kettle weights. I wondered what happened to the sled-blocking drills on the frozen tundra that I imagined. In any case, I was there and intent on breezing through this class made up primarily of women.
"Let's go," the Fitness Coordinator yelled with a smile, "Let's get ready to work." I don't need your encouragement, I thought. I'll walk through this class and then pick up my own workout after class.
As a society, we're cavalier about the sentiment of encouragement. Often, the encouragement that we offer is limited to a short, "keep your head up," or something passed along through Hallmark or a Like button. Even more impersonal, encouragement is just something we stare at in the lunchroom, a laminated poster with a nature scene and a quote about mountaintops.
Encouragement is so much more - it's about interdependence, harmony, and peace. It's about building others up to achieve. Encouragement is about connectedness and strenght in unity.
A recent article from the website Medical News Today (Family Eating Together Better For Children's Health and Body Weight Control, 5/3/11, Editor's Choice) talked of the correlation between shared family meals and better health. Amber J. Hammons, PhD wrote: "Overall, families that eat 5 or more meals together have children who are [healthier]..." The authors of the study went further, "In addition, family meals are predictive of family-connectedness, which may encourage adolescents to talk about [health and nutrition] issues within their families." This, too, is encouragement. It is this picture of families eating together, developing open lines of communication, and inspiring each other to live healthier lives where we see that encouragement works.
I can be distracted, thinking about too many things at one time, and not being fully present in a conversation. At times, I've shared encouraging words with my children, albeit with my back turned to them or yelling to them from the other room. In working with youth in many settings, I've learned that there is nothing more powerful than stopping, adjusting to the eye level of a child, and speaking to directly to them. There aren't too many days that pass that I don't have my children slow and make eye contact, so that I can tell them that I am proud of them; The short interaction seeding lifetimes of acceptance, love, and encouragement.
After only about 15 minutes into class, I was pulling off my sweatshirt. This wasn't because I was uncomfortably hot, but rather to steal a break, a breather, and a drink. I thought that I must have started the drills too fast or were doing them incorrectly as the other people in the class seemed to be cruising along effortlessly. As we moved into circuit training, my stabilizer muscles were shaking wildly and the Draer Roll exercise set me up for humility at it's finest. As I eased out of the exercise, catching a break when the instructor had her back turned, I realized that my workouts were bunk. Or, my workouts were at least isolated to areas that hadn't prepared me to walk through this class. I was challenged, and tired.
As we moved through the class, the instructor took time to specifically and intentionally cheer on each participant, by name. She corrected form and pushed us to go harder. She praised and encouraged, by name. As we tired, we began to do the same. Clapping and cheering for one another, by name. The instructor had pre-planned a high-energy, challenging class and successfully pulled everyone one of us to the end through encouragement. As the challenges heightened so did her calls of encouragement, spreading it throughout the class until the culture of the group was immersed in affirmation. Bring on more Draer Rolls, we can do this! We could have been on a lunchroom poster.
The apostle Paul used the phrase, "encourage one another" multiple times in his letters to the early church. Two thousand years ago, he knew that this idea of encouraging each other was integral to a healthy community. In 2 Cor 13:11, he says, "...Strive for full restoration, encourage one another, be of one mind, live in peace..."
Whether it's encouraging your children through directly speaking positive truth into their day, cultivating trust and communication through family meals, or inspiring a friend to live a healthier life by challenging and then encouraging them to join you for a fitness class - be intentional about building someone else up today. It matters.
I was excited to learn that the Y was offering a new Track and Field class this fall. I am a runner, so this was tailored for me as a class I could attend and not veer from my standard workouts. And, it was held at the Dickinson College football field. I imagined us batting the elements while toughing it out through the grit of the football field. Count me in.
After two years of broken promises, the Fitness Coordinator was surprised to see me actually show up for class. She began class with talk of the importance of dynamic stretching (likely not needed for a self-trained athlete like me) and of circuit training, bosu balls, and light kettle weights. I wondered what happened to the sled-blocking drills on the frozen tundra that I imagined. In any case, I was there and intent on breezing through this class made up primarily of women.
"Let's go," the Fitness Coordinator yelled with a smile, "Let's get ready to work." I don't need your encouragement, I thought. I'll walk through this class and then pick up my own workout after class.
As a society, we're cavalier about the sentiment of encouragement. Often, the encouragement that we offer is limited to a short, "keep your head up," or something passed along through Hallmark or a Like button. Even more impersonal, encouragement is just something we stare at in the lunchroom, a laminated poster with a nature scene and a quote about mountaintops.
Encouragement is so much more - it's about interdependence, harmony, and peace. It's about building others up to achieve. Encouragement is about connectedness and strenght in unity.
A recent article from the website Medical News Today (Family Eating Together Better For Children's Health and Body Weight Control, 5/3/11, Editor's Choice) talked of the correlation between shared family meals and better health. Amber J. Hammons, PhD wrote: "Overall, families that eat 5 or more meals together have children who are [healthier]..." The authors of the study went further, "In addition, family meals are predictive of family-connectedness, which may encourage adolescents to talk about [health and nutrition] issues within their families." This, too, is encouragement. It is this picture of families eating together, developing open lines of communication, and inspiring each other to live healthier lives where we see that encouragement works.
I can be distracted, thinking about too many things at one time, and not being fully present in a conversation. At times, I've shared encouraging words with my children, albeit with my back turned to them or yelling to them from the other room. In working with youth in many settings, I've learned that there is nothing more powerful than stopping, adjusting to the eye level of a child, and speaking to directly to them. There aren't too many days that pass that I don't have my children slow and make eye contact, so that I can tell them that I am proud of them; The short interaction seeding lifetimes of acceptance, love, and encouragement.
After only about 15 minutes into class, I was pulling off my sweatshirt. This wasn't because I was uncomfortably hot, but rather to steal a break, a breather, and a drink. I thought that I must have started the drills too fast or were doing them incorrectly as the other people in the class seemed to be cruising along effortlessly. As we moved into circuit training, my stabilizer muscles were shaking wildly and the Draer Roll exercise set me up for humility at it's finest. As I eased out of the exercise, catching a break when the instructor had her back turned, I realized that my workouts were bunk. Or, my workouts were at least isolated to areas that hadn't prepared me to walk through this class. I was challenged, and tired.
As we moved through the class, the instructor took time to specifically and intentionally cheer on each participant, by name. She corrected form and pushed us to go harder. She praised and encouraged, by name. As we tired, we began to do the same. Clapping and cheering for one another, by name. The instructor had pre-planned a high-energy, challenging class and successfully pulled everyone one of us to the end through encouragement. As the challenges heightened so did her calls of encouragement, spreading it throughout the class until the culture of the group was immersed in affirmation. Bring on more Draer Rolls, we can do this! We could have been on a lunchroom poster.
The apostle Paul used the phrase, "encourage one another" multiple times in his letters to the early church. Two thousand years ago, he knew that this idea of encouraging each other was integral to a healthy community. In 2 Cor 13:11, he says, "...Strive for full restoration, encourage one another, be of one mind, live in peace..."
Whether it's encouraging your children through directly speaking positive truth into their day, cultivating trust and communication through family meals, or inspiring a friend to live a healthier life by challenging and then encouraging them to join you for a fitness class - be intentional about building someone else up today. It matters.
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Exciting News...
Our Y, Awaken Haiti, and One Thousand Gifts all mentioned in this blog / article that was recently picked up by the magazine, On Site Fitness:
Thankful.
Thankful.
Friday, September 16, 2011
3 Simple Steps to Wellness
During a recent marketing meeting, I communicated my desire to simplify the messaging that we were crafting by saying, "We need to break it down to 3 simple steps. You know, just like Special Agent Oso and the '3 Special Steps' song." One of my team members looked at me with a frightened sense that I was going insane. The other team member, who has children, immediately picked up the signing, "Step one... step two..." We found a You tube link to the Special Agent Oso song and sent it to our colleague who wasn't attuned to music inspired by Disney. Special Agent Oso's "3 Special Steps" songs are now a regular part of our marketing discussions.
A recent study linked short-term attention and learning problems in 4-year olds to watching just nine minutes of the "Sponge Bob." (Chicago) Historical research has shown similar connections between watching too much television and long-term attention problems in children, however the recent study showed a more urgent issue in identifying problems after only limited exposure. The children in the study who had watched "Sponge Bob" scored worse on mental function tests after watching the show than those who had watched the slower-paced, PBS cartoon "Caillou" or children who were assigned to draw pictures. This study adds another issue for parents to be alert to in terms of controlling the television that their children are exposed to along with studies that support parallels between increased time watching TV and childhood obesity. U.S. First Lady, Michelle Obama's campaign to reduce childhood obesity contains a focused component of encouraging children to get outside and exercise, supporting the idea of getting kids away from the TV for a bit.
Our family does a reasonable job in controlling the TV habits of our children. Granted, I am all-too-familiar with Disney's Jake and the Neverland Pirates and often find myself singing the theme song to Disney XD's Zeke and Luther. However, we limit the duration of our TV time and most often enjoy those programs together as a family. Most importantly, we balance the time in front of the TV with outdoor play and active exercise, which is mentally and physically healthy for all of us.
Bloomberg reported this week that "the United States health care spending will rise by as much as $66 billion a year by 2030 because of increased childhood obesity if historic trends continue..." That is $66 billion, with a "B." One of the authors of the findings, Boyd Swinburn said, "We are in an obesity and chronic disease crisis, although it doesn't feel like it. It's a little bit like the frog sitting in hot-water -- it doesn't realize that it's going to boil until it's too late." To be certain, these are alarming trends of epidemic proportions.
The good news is that we have the ability to directly and significantly impact chronic disease, obesity, and reportedly, attention problems in children. Epidemics of global proportions can be mitigated. Today. By us. We can start small, but behavior change is imminent.
Change isn't easy, but the prescription is simple, actually it's 3 special steps. Step one: We must make smarter, more nutritious food choices. Natural food that isn't processed is always a better choice. Step two: We must increase our exercise and activity. Walking the dog or choosing the stairs are easy ways to add to our daily activity. Step three: We must intentionally seek lives where our stress is reduced and positive, healthy relationships flourish.
At our house we typically protect Fridays as family night and it often includes pizza dinner and a movie. It's not a bad choice, as we limit pizza to once a week and enjoy the movie time winding down from the busy schedules of the week. But, maybe tonight we'll collaborate to create healthy smoothies for dinner and enjoy an evening outside playing and having a campfire. It's 3 special steps to a healthier evening. And that's a plan Special Agent Oso would love.
A recent study linked short-term attention and learning problems in 4-year olds to watching just nine minutes of the "Sponge Bob." (Chicago) Historical research has shown similar connections between watching too much television and long-term attention problems in children, however the recent study showed a more urgent issue in identifying problems after only limited exposure. The children in the study who had watched "Sponge Bob" scored worse on mental function tests after watching the show than those who had watched the slower-paced, PBS cartoon "Caillou" or children who were assigned to draw pictures. This study adds another issue for parents to be alert to in terms of controlling the television that their children are exposed to along with studies that support parallels between increased time watching TV and childhood obesity. U.S. First Lady, Michelle Obama's campaign to reduce childhood obesity contains a focused component of encouraging children to get outside and exercise, supporting the idea of getting kids away from the TV for a bit.
Our family does a reasonable job in controlling the TV habits of our children. Granted, I am all-too-familiar with Disney's Jake and the Neverland Pirates and often find myself singing the theme song to Disney XD's Zeke and Luther. However, we limit the duration of our TV time and most often enjoy those programs together as a family. Most importantly, we balance the time in front of the TV with outdoor play and active exercise, which is mentally and physically healthy for all of us.
Bloomberg reported this week that "the United States health care spending will rise by as much as $66 billion a year by 2030 because of increased childhood obesity if historic trends continue..." That is $66 billion, with a "B." One of the authors of the findings, Boyd Swinburn said, "We are in an obesity and chronic disease crisis, although it doesn't feel like it. It's a little bit like the frog sitting in hot-water -- it doesn't realize that it's going to boil until it's too late." To be certain, these are alarming trends of epidemic proportions.
The good news is that we have the ability to directly and significantly impact chronic disease, obesity, and reportedly, attention problems in children. Epidemics of global proportions can be mitigated. Today. By us. We can start small, but behavior change is imminent.
Change isn't easy, but the prescription is simple, actually it's 3 special steps. Step one: We must make smarter, more nutritious food choices. Natural food that isn't processed is always a better choice. Step two: We must increase our exercise and activity. Walking the dog or choosing the stairs are easy ways to add to our daily activity. Step three: We must intentionally seek lives where our stress is reduced and positive, healthy relationships flourish.
At our house we typically protect Fridays as family night and it often includes pizza dinner and a movie. It's not a bad choice, as we limit pizza to once a week and enjoy the movie time winding down from the busy schedules of the week. But, maybe tonight we'll collaborate to create healthy smoothies for dinner and enjoy an evening outside playing and having a campfire. It's 3 special steps to a healthier evening. And that's a plan Special Agent Oso would love.
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